Thanks guys for the observations. It was surprising, but only time will tell if he keeps it up, builds on it, or falls off again. Son did have a good time and I think felt much closer to his dad. Because he really doesn't understand this stuff, he said "I think he likes me better now that I am older." I don't think he gets that dad is coming around now because he's been in la la land for years and it had nothing to do with son or his age.
As to the OW, hard to say if it is just the dying limerence and he's shopping for a new one, and killing time in between or whether he is legitimately waking up a bit (I think he's off the dating site that used to send me his profile). I went to breakfast with my mom and S. S repeated over and over how his father seemed so normal and relaxed. He talked about some of the things they talked about. He observed that his father is a peace-loving man who is very opposed to war. This is how I knew my H, and then he went into MLC and at some point bought the guns. I rather wonder what is up with those these days. Son also said that the coat I told him did not look good on him was nowhere in sight, replaced with a fleece that bears the name of D's college.
I got what I guess is a temperature check from him today. A business email on a matter with no urgency, but not nasty or cold like in the past. If anything I'd say a little tentative. Coming on the heels of the visit yesterday and that we have not spoken in two weeks, I think he just wanted to see where I was, keep dialog going, etc. I thanked him for reaching out and responded in a neutral fashion to the matter and told him I would follow up later when it was concluded. And, as is now his habit, a quick response thanking me. Big change there.
Son has a big tryout this weekend for the national team he was recruited to last year. OD actually wished him luck. Son said he was nervous and OD said of course they are going to want you. More signs that the man I knew is in there somewhere. Last year he didn't care when S was selected.
I agree w/the other posters...sounds like he is realizing that the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. OD and OW must be on the outs.
Or to be cynical - demonstrating to OW that she'd better dance harder to keep his affections and that she's not the boss of him.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
i suppose that is possible, but he could have said he was seeing his son without actually doing so and would have achieved the same end. It's not like OW and I talk. But it is a good reminder not to expect anything
This feels like an interesting place. After all the heartache and the turmoil, now it is just, . . . quiet. OD is texting S and seems to asking appropriate stuff and taking note of S's schedule and what he has been up to. It is his week on, so I am not expecting to hear anything from him. I think on these weeks he can only manage to get himself to work and back. By the time it is his week off again, I will be off visiting my D.
It feels like my S has stabilized. He seems calm, peaceful, and dare I say happy? He is about to finish a big course for a specialized volunteer activity that he really enjoys and should look great on his college applications. His grades are back on track. No missing assignments thankfully. He is getting daily solicitations from colleges (even the ivies) presumably from his PSAT score. He is giving serious debate for which track to pursue in his classes next year (engineering vs. the hard sciences). He had his tryout for the national team for his sport and they expressed a lot of interest in him. He is hoping to be invited to the Olympic development camp over the summer. If he is selected, I can go to Europe and watch my D in her European tour. I'm trying not to get too excited by that prospect.
D is in production now. She is getting great buzz according to her coach. I will be seeing her perform shortly and spending a few days with her in the big city on the opposite coast. OD was trying to find out from S if I am planning to go, but S is 15 and doesn't really pay attention to much involving others. I'm hoping to have some time to begin looking at apartments while I am there. If I can convince OD to get the house on the market soon, I might be able to get her something before the next school year. I'm just afraid if I broach it, he will be freaked out.
I just found out this morning about a very big win on behalf of one of my client's. That felt good. It is nice when your work feels rewarding.
Other than that, life is quiet. Hard to adjust to peace when you have been forced into a vortex of drama for a decade. At least the quiet moments no longer bring tears, fears, and buckets of pain. Just musings on the many opportunities awaiting me out there. Peace to you all.
You sound like you're in a great space. It's wonderful that your children appear to be hitting home runs too. No matter what happens with OD, you are already thriving - not just surviving.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
One, when reading your last update I took a deep breath with you. Enjoy this much- earned peace and calm. You deserve some time to settle. Glad your kids seem to be doing ok with the contact as well.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Ok guys, I want to tell you why I'm posting so much now. I remember when I got the atomic BD and he left for good. I tried to find everything I could on MLC and what the stages look like (like everyone else probably). I found lots of stuff on replay, and very little after that. I am writing now in case this is reconnection (it may not be). I have no hopes, no expectations. I am just reporting in case this is helpful to anyone.
I sometimes take S's phone away. Usually when I think he is watching shows instead of doing HW or sleeping. I haven't taken it away for a week or so. I assumed he was talking to OD and that OD was still texting. I've mentioned that my S is very sensitive. He takes after me and is more emotional. D takes after her dad and she has to be in the mood for anything emotional or sensitive, and it isn't too often. So I'm looking through and see that OD and S talked on the phone this week again. That was good.
I see that in the texts OD is actually asking him about particular pieces of schoolwork, and across multiple days, like a father wanting to make sure the work is being done. This is somewhat shocking to me. The rest of the texts are things like I hope you are sleeping well, hope you got lots of rest yesterday, I would love to hear from you or talk to you, can I call you later, banter in the foreign language that S is studying and in which OD has shown an interest over the last several years. That sort of thing. Recall that he used to send links to articles or videos (music, self help, etc. that were more about what OD was going through) with no real text or robotic love ya, miss ya, etc. Nothing asking about S's life, nothing paternal, nothing too emotional.
Then I see a text from a couple of days ago in which OD tells S that he loves S very much and could not have asked for a better son. I have never, ever known OD to say something like this. His father lived nearby growing up but was never part of his life. Maybe one meal a year kind of thing and all of their conversations were very superficial.
Again, don't know what this is, if it is going anywhere, etc. Just recording it.
