The father he once knew is now skipping naked through the snow and humping trees.
The thought of that is disgusting. How could you let this happen? Please don't become "that guy." Don't abandon us.
But what if it's a cute and freely consenting tree?
Dawn - I do little for S24. I do all the dishes, clean the house except his room, buy the groceries, and make Sunday supper. Everything else he does for himself. The incremental workload on having him there vs not is minimal. A couple of more dirty plates and a few more groceries in the cart.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
And then the next day I will be having coffee with someone who I hope is a nice lady and getting my piano tuned.
Can't believe Doodler let this line go by ......
Drew,
I can't believe it either. How'd I miss that? There are two possible reasons I missed it:
1. I know the piano tuner won't actually show up until all of the snow and ice has melted. That'll be sometime in late June.
2. I'm a very slooooow reader. I'm a mouth breather and I move my lips when I read (kind of a silent read aloud type of thing that runs in my family). Andrew's posts can be long. I really like it when he has dashed lines in his posts because I use those to mark my place when I take a break to potty, grab a snack and take a nap. Sometimes though, I forget which dashed line I used to mark my place so I just guess; I don't really want to re-read anything. I'm sure that I occasionally skip over sections that I haven't actually read.
Those are my excuses and I think they're good excuses.
DnJ - I neglected to respond to your thoughtful post. I think that you and your kids are in a very different place then I am with mine. You guys are far more of a "team".
I have strong boundaries where I don't ask / don't hear about the kids' mother which they respect / stay on their side of. They are also far more neutral as well I believe. I recall D26 telling me that one of her friends was very concerned about her and the impact of the divorce (she has a lot of friends who are children of a divorced family). She said that she told that friend that it didn't bother her one way or another since she is living a fully independent life. Her husband actually joked (before he got swatted) that they are happy to get twice as many parental visits now. I suspect that S24 is in a similar situation. He has two parents. They live in different places. He sees his mother about as often as he used to when he was living in Oshawa.
I do also believe that both of them are somewhat uncomfortable with the prospect of me dating even though it's been well over a year since I went on my first date in late 2017. That is something that is my own business, not theirs and they'll just have to get used to that. It is "different" and "unusual" though. What they think of OM is unknown but that is une situation de fait accompli and so is undoubtedly different.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Dawn - I do little for S24. I do all the dishes, clean the house except his room, buy the groceries, and make Sunday supper. Everything else he does for himself. The incremental workload on having him there vs not is minimal. A couple of more dirty plates and a few more groceries in the cart.
Andrew, love, you kind of made my point for me. You do "little" for him and to you "little" is taking care of the house and buying groceries. So, what is really left for him to handle on his own? He cleans his own room, which you specifically mentioned, and presumably does his laundry and prepare occasional meals. I'm not trying to belabor the point but I do think that the fact that you are still very much in dad mode with him rather than shifting the focus to him as ADULT son is probably coloring your view a little bit. And, honestly, likely coloring his a little bit too. Like I said before, I think it speaks to your nature as a care-taker. I think that you and S24 are both quite comfortable with this set-up and both benefit from it, which is likely one reason that he lingers.
I have to wonder, though, if this isn't so much about you and your son specifically as it is about his generation in general. I do think that his age group is one that does tend to sit back and let things happen rather than taking action a little more than some of the older generations. I see it with one of my own daughters and her husband as well, though they are both a few years older than your S. They kind of wait to see what people offer them rather than making things happen for themselves. I'm not saying it is necessarily a bad thing, but I do think it shows that this is a generation that was coddled.
Anyway, I digress because the point of all this is your dating life and I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to know details. We, on the other hand, are all about getting the details, so feel free to share here and I PROMISE not to roll my eyes.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Dawn - I do little for S24. I do all the dishes, clean the house except his room, buy the groceries, and make Sunday supper. Everything else he does for himself. The incremental workload on having him there vs not is minimal. A couple of more dirty plates and a few more groceries in the cart.
Andrew, love, you kind of made my point for me. You do "little" for him and to you "little" is taking care of the house and buying groceries.
And I have to say I think both of you are also missing the fact that S24 doesn't have to pay any rent or house payment - that too is taken care of for him, as is insurance (on the home and belongings), repairs, cutting the grass, clearing the snow, paying the electric bill and the heat and water and cable television and Internet. There are home repairs and furnishings. Should I go on? I'm sure if two columns were drawn listing responsibilities/duties of Andrew and responsibilities/duties of S24. the first list would span several pages, wile the second????
Mind you I'm not arguing or debating if any of this is good or bad or somewhere in the middle - I'm just pointing out that it is - and most or at least many don't stop to even think about it. It truly is the frog in the boiling pot of water. Now true, most, at least much of this would have to be done anyhow. But that cuts both ways, if Andrew was not doing it, S24 would have to - wherever he was living.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I didn’t miss that at all, Don. That is kind of what I was getting at when I asked what was left for S24 to do. 😉
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Had a laugh over this evening's texting. "How will you know it's me?" she asks. Well I suggest that her posted picture is "perhaps" older but that I think I remember what she looks like.
So she's going to be wearing a black coat.
Oh. And doodler - I was dancing along to the Beach Boys while doing dishes. Not the 80s I know but in that general direction.
Fingers crossed that the freezing rain in the forecast will hold off long enough. It does give a reason for coffee to not go on too long.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Today's the big day, Andrew. I can't wait to hear about it! I hope you have fun.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
