So we are solidly 2 years into piecing and I have to tell you, it has been a roller-coaster ride. I documented in the newcomer thread from late last summer, where I found messages between my W and another guy from an online game. It was pretty innocent but it was obvious to me that this guy, that lives in Canada, was smitten with her. For her part she wasn't really reciprocating, but she was really enjoying the attention.
I confronted, she was immediately remorseful. I pretty much told her that I was done with that behavior, that while I shared responsibility for her EAs in the past, this time this thing was all on her. And that I was not interested in having to worry about this kind of thing for the rest of my life.
She did a complete 180. When we first started piecing she was resistant to complete transparency. This time all of that changed. She gave me complete access to her phone, PC, PWs for all accounts, etc. I made it clear to her that I was not interested in having to keep tabs on her. But I have to say, her actions afterward spoke volumes! It was clear that she valued our MR and wanted to do whatever she could to make sure I was aware of that and that she was willing to do whatever it took to show that.
The one 180 I did out of it was I decided to be more forthcoming with compliments and words of affection. That is her primary love-language and I took this minor indiscretion as a sign that I needed to make sure I was keeping that love tank full.
The turnaround since then has been astounding. Our MR is better than it has ever been. I work hard at it, and while date night is much harder now in the COVID world, I still make sure we spend plenty of quality time together. I make sure I am providing her that level of words of affection she needs to feel love and fulfilled. She has begun to be much more forthcoming with the physical touch. Our sex life is the best is has been since we were newlyweds! I am amazed all the time at the improvements in our MR.
I really think the first year she was piecing, she was always expected the OLD Steve85 to come back. I think it took her a good year and a half to trust that the positive changes that I instituted during our sitch at the end of 2017, beginning of 2018 were real, sincere, and permanent. And once she could fully trust that the new Steve85 was the real Steve85, she opened up to me like she hadn't been in almost 20 years!
Anyway, that's the update right now. Piecing is a long process. After 2 years I believe w are still piecing, and possibly will be for the rest of our lives. But the results are work the efforts.
M(51), W(52),D(16) M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018