My Story Pt 2

[LH19]

M,

6 months no contact and no children I would think you would want some closure and move on with your life. By not communicating with her it shows her you're still attached.

Now you can agree to have the conversation on yout terms but you still need to have it.

[Manta]

Not on Valentines weekend LH19, when she is with AP in her country. I know how she is and how she thinks.

It's for HER benefit only. If she wants to divorce me, then I can't stop her. I don't want to divorce, I do love her, however, if we do, it won't be in her country. This isn't just a simple breakup.

My solicitor, in the country we live in contacted her last October in regards to separation. She hasn't responded yet.

I know this call is only for her benefit, as she will probably try and sweet talk me into proceeding with Divorce in her Country, make it sound more favorable, as then her AP, family etc can all take care of her Divorce business and it's much more controllable from her POV. She is very lazy and always expects others to clean up her mess. Not this time.

That's not fair on me. She caused this situation. Why should I have to fly to her country, trying to understand a different language and have to go through proceedings, with very little support, because of what she caused? Her AP is probably pressuring her now and it's causing them distress and anxiety. Good! I hope it does. I hope the Affair fog will start lifting and it will cause rifts and arguments between them.

We were 4 months NC. She is a VERY Selfish woman, sometimes I think she's a sociopath, with very little empathy for others, or what her actions have caused.

She has taken no accountability for what she has done or caused me. She cheated, got caught, ran away like a coward. She refused R, or MC and didn't want to talk to me for months. All of a sudden she wants to "speak like adults" even though she messaged me on Whatsapp about wanting a divorce back in September. Very Adult!

Silence is powerful. I'm in no rush.I'm GAL, followings Sandi's rules, detached and for the first time in months, I'm feeling more like my old self again. If she wants to talk legal/financials/separation, she can speak with my solicitor. If she wants to R, then she will make it clear with time.

[LH19]

Again I said you respond and set up the call on your terms. Being passive aggressive isn't going help out your situation. It's up to you if you let her sweet talk you into her terms.

It's interesting you describe her as a selfish, sociopath with no empathy who has cheated on you and yet you still are trying to save your marriage. What about any of that is worth saving to you?

[Manta]

She wasn't always like that LH19.

While family, close friends now are clearly angry/hurt and sad that she showed no remorse and disappeared with AP, tell me to move on, as WW never gave our M a chance or even looking at R, there is another side to my WW.

I didn't marry her because "well this is what we are meant to do at our age isn't it?"

I loved her because she was very caring about me, she was loving, sexy, gentle, smart and always wanted to see me happy too. She was interesting, funny, different, quirky and also playful. We shared so much together and both were open and had good communication, sharing our dreams together and also both valued family as being very important. She was my best friend and we both believed that we looked out for each other and made a great team. We had been through a lot in the last 7 years. Falling in love, Long distance relationship, losing dear friends, moving to a new country, fought the odds, changing jobs, marriage, miscarriages.

I wholeheartedly believed we were on the same page and that we had honest communication with each other. We valued that and she knew I was there for her through thick and thin. I'm not perfect, so obviously there was an issue where she wanted out of the M and leave me for AP.

Last summer she completely changed into a different person, she became very selfish and cruel. The miscarriages certainly didn't help, when AP came along in work and started telling her he wanted her. She changed. She couldn't wait to move on with her new AP. I was left shocked, deeply hurt, humiliated and broken. Everything I believed we valued, she basically threw in my face and left me for dead.

I believe in my heart she is a good person, doing a very bad thing...That's what makes me hold on. She's fully in limerence with AP, however, if I do the right things, I believe she may come back one day. If she doesn't, ill be stronger anyway. But i can't always bow down to her, just because "She wants to talk".

[LH19]

M,

I understand what you are saying but people don't run away with other people in happy marriages especially after only two years. I'm sure she saw it worse then it really was and you seeing it through rose colored glasses right now.

Again I'm not asking you to bow down right now. I'm asking you to respond telling her you can't talk right now and you will contact her when you have time.

[ovrrnbw]

If it were me, I'd have gotten back with in a reasonable time and take solace in the fact that she was thinking about you on V-day weekend (and surely more than that). NC for 6 months is a long time. Just be prepared for her to be laying traps when you do talk.

however, if I do the right things, I believe she may come back one day.

You make it sound like you can manipulate her back, when the reality is you have to just be real with her. You saying and doing the truly "right" things is going to piss her off. She physically, literally ran from reality.

[Manta]

Ok, so i messaged WW. Just changed a few symbols as I don't want her to know i'm on here.

"WW, i reci$ivd your m$ssage. If this is @ legal/financial concern, contact my solicitor directly. If this is about s0mething else, i can be reached my email. That said, WW you hurt me deeply and humiliated me. I have been working on myself and my well being. Pl$ase R$sp$ct this.
"

[Manta]

So basically she replied, she said it's legal. Wants to divorce and wanted my solicitors contact details etc. I replied and provided the details etc. i guess she wants to do this in her country also, as she said she will send the legal information in her language.

I'm hurt, sad but at least i know. I will speak to my solicitor tomorrow.

[LH19]

Good but I would have left out the last 2 sentences.

[Manta]

I don't think it even matters. She acknowledged that part my saying "I understand and I agree."