Were you with her 9 years ago? What I am saying is that deep down this woman may have severe trust issues with you and your past could be part of it. Unfortunately most people dont believe that someone with that issue could do ever be trustworthy. People think being an addict is a choice. Even when you are no longer exhibiting that behavior.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
No I been with my wife for 5 years. She knew about my past she knew me in high school. She knew I did drugs and what have you. When I went to prison I made the choice to sober up. I had ton's of opportunities to get high in prison i just said no. I hurt her emotionally without even knowing it. That's where her trust issue may come from. It's something I've apologized for all I can do about it is change so my anger doesnt come out. By doing everything that was bothering me in my head the week after she left I've regained alot of self respect and I'm able to smile and mean it. The only crap part is I am doing it at the cost of my family. That is what bothers me the most. My wife is a wierd women. She has alot of issues and most of it have to do with her growing up coddled. She lived a very sheltered mormon life young. She retaliated by becoming a erotic dancer. That stopped before me. She has always been very dramatic on issues. Such as her idea of fighting is a quick back in forth snap. We honestly have had 3 fight's maybe 4. The way I see it I'm busting my butt every single day to accomplish my goals and I love my wife but she has to change to. Her parent's are buying her a house in the summer. That was really are saving grace when we were in the apartment. Communication was a big factor in it aswell. Never once did she approach me to tell me what I said hurt her. From what I see is we forgot how to love eachother. Communicate are feelings to one another it got bad in this apartment alot of negative energy. All I can think of is just love myself the rest will fall into place.
Well im glad you were able to clean up. Thats a very very difficult issue to get through. I can relate honestly.
A womans childhood makes a huge impact on who they are as an adult. For example, my WWs father cheated on her .other and left them all while he moved to another state and married his AP.
Because of that, my MIL has deep seeded resentment against him, which in turn she directs at all men. My MIL is also a narcissist. I can see that my WW is exactly like both of her parents . I cant wait to get away from my WW. 21 years with jer and I am trash in her eyes.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Wow that's intense. I find it so crazy how they can just shut off like a light. Glad to hear you cant wait to get out of that mess. It's funny the more space we give eachother the more you start to see the flaws on both ends. I can't say my marriage was all rainbows and lollipops. I ended up sending my wife the letter I wrote her I am thinking of posting it.
Yeh post it up. And yes, I see that I deserve much better. I already met someone that is much nicer to me. Very happy.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Dear Wife The other day you texted me something that has been on my mind and it is hard to shake. You told me you are tired of helping people who don't give you anything in return. I know I probably shouldn't get hung up on it because your angry and people say stupid crap all the time when they're angry. I thought this can't be right does she really think I've never been there. I was there helping for a long time. I supported you a lot I supported the kid's a lot. And I was always there for you to vent. I never asked for anything but your love. That's all I wanted from you. I was always there for you and I stood by your side with every decision. I will remain by your side cause I know your hurting and I hate seeing you hurt. You said you needed change and I understand it I needed it to. I know my issues hindered us from growing that's why I was so mad all the time. I couldn't think clearly with all the crap that was in my head it didn't help the situation. I know during those times I was an ass and I treated you unfairly. Without knowing what is to come I thought of something that may help us forgive each other and forget it. I propose we divorce are old bad marriage and look only to the future. Keep the good parts get rid of the bad. We don't have to start a new relationship we can work on ours slowly but surely it can get better. This isn't for just us it's for our children. All marriages have it's up's and down's I'm working my ass off so we can never have downs again. If we work on ourselves truly I believe we can reconcile and move forward. We are unbreakable we may be loose right now but in time are bond can grow strong again. We have always been inseparable. No, I am not saying come back to me now. I want this space because I wanna come back to my family a complete 180 I want to come back to my family knowing I can take care of it. I hated you working all the time it was the only option we had and it bothered me. I hated it because I know you didn't wanna do it and it leaves you with no real options to grow. I know it will take you time to forgive me and that's ok I don't wanna rush anything. Communication is key and that's something that blocked us from talking to each other about our problems. Since I am back from my stupid haze I want you to know I am here to communicate and I am here to listen. The only thing that keeps me going is looking forward not looking back. You told me to let go and I let go of all the negative times we had together. And I'm only looking to the future. We have all the time now to change and turn the wrong into right. Change is good if you can accept it as what it is and move forward from it. That's what it's all about moving forward. For myself I will alway's continue to move forward I hated that person I was because he hurt the only ones he cared about. I can't afford to do that again not to you, not to my children. Time heals all wounds I hope you can see all the times I was there and all the times I did help and not focus on the negative parts. We had a rocky road over here it will only get rockier if we decide to not work together. These positive family events can be really good for us as a whole. It can strengthen our family and shed new light on what we can actually be bigger and better. That's what I want at least to have a better life with my family. This doesn't have to be answered right away just something to think about. HappyValentine's day I know it's one of your favorite holidays.
ME
Last edited by Cadet; 02/15/1909:55 PM. Reason: remove names
You didn't send that did you? It's healthy to write things out to get them off your chest, but don't send it. Type up an email and delete it. Or write a letter and burn it. But never give it to the WAS. It's the sort of thing that might be a good idea in a healthy marriage but is a really bad idea with a WAS.
I did send it. I know I write a bunch and save them in my folders. Im not to worried about what will happen. I really can't control the outcome all I can do is do me. If she want's to work on it I will. If she doesn't well there is plenty of fish in the sea.
