Moving on to the bright side part 19

[TBSakaJ9]

I have not seen any red flags yet unless you count her recent sexting I think I will take her a nice bottle of wine tomorrow and get her a valentines day card vs sending her flowers on the day. She really likes wine and I think that would be much more appreciated and useful. I will save the flowers if we are still together for another time.

I will say I found myself being more drawn to her as she started opening up more to me today. She was actually showing some excitement and was very eager to make plans with me as soon as I brought it up. It is that level of interest, excitement, and communication I need to get me more invested.

[LH19]

Although LH has this worked for you even? You seem to have had about the same level of success I've had - by that I mean date enough but can't find a quality woman. Then again you don't tel us much about all that. Were you not going to start your own thread at the start of this year? What happened buddy?

Well Don if you must know I am having a problem finding a quality woman right now, though I have only been at if for 5-6 months. I'm not sure I would consider it on the same level as you because if I am still single, bitter and jaded 14 years from now I probably will have joined a monastery. I really don't have time to start my own thread because I spend too much time hijacking Js thread defending the All Mighty One lol. I do have a date with a new girl on Saturday so we shall see.

[Dawn70]

I have not seen any red flags yet unless you count her recent sexting I think I will take her a nice bottle of wine tomorrow and get her a valentines day card vs sending her flowers on the day. She really likes wine and I think that would be much more appreciated and useful. I will save the flowers if we are still together for another time.

I like that idea. And, I like how things are going for you and her. Good for you.

[Dawn70]

[quote=Dawn70]
Ummmm....I guess I missed that memo where women online get complimented hundreds of times a day. When I was OLD I RARELY received messages or got compliments other than from those skeevy weirdos that started their messages with crap like "hey beautiful" (which is about the cheesiest thing on the planet, especially when you look like me).

When i mean getting complimented online I am not talking about OLD, I mean they get compliments and validation from Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, and the such.

Rex

Got it. I misunderstood. I'm too old for snapchat and I don't do Twitter, so those are out for me. I do have Instagram and facebook, though, so I'm going to start looking for those compliments! My friends are still behind as I'm not getting NEARLY as many as you said.

[Dawn70]

Putting on my practical romantic guy hat for a moment. And yes - I do have some experience here at least with flowers.

Card only if you are seeing each other the day of or the day before.
Flowers to home if you have that info and want to keep things quiet but delivery could be problematic.
Flowers to work if you are willing to announce to the world - I've got the hots for you. Could be awkward.
Not overtly sexual - stay classy

If you send a bouquet, have it done with a vase. Don't add on extras like balloons or stuffed animals because the shop will often mess that up. Sending it with a vase ensures that everything is arranged and sized properly. Don't pick up something from the bucket at the entrance to Trader Joes.

Use a florist in her general geography. Otherwise they'll sub-contract it to another florist and quality may vary.

If you send an arrangement it is longer lasting but less romantic. Also significantly more expensive

A combination of flowers works best. When I was first dating it was 3 red roses with 3 white carnations. A simple combination that FSL agrees looks lovely when she prepared that for me just after bomb-day when I was in hot pursuit. Being in Texas perhaps yellow in there too. And if you are Sparky and she is Dawn - absolutely include yellow

Try to organize the delivery so that it is at a time convenient. There is a shop in LA that I used to use that generally hit the mark but would sometimes just leave the delivery at the door. Others won't deliver without a confirmation call to the recipient's cell. Better for getting a delivery but less of a surprise.

If you wanted to be creative, package up (nice wrapping) some sweets and a card and use a regular courier to send it to her office. Still discrete.

But most of all - be you recognizing the special in her.

PS - setting up an account and profile with a florist is a good idea. I know that after 2 or 3 deliveries they remember you and will often give fantastic service.

All of this, Andrew, is why I love you. And, nice job on remembering the yellow roses.

[Dawn70]

To Ginger's point, though, (and before LH even says it, I will say maybe this is taken out of context), the line about a woman's purpose being to chase, call and pursue while the man is busy fulfilling his life's purpose DOES come across as a douche statement. I can't speak for everyone but I don't expect a man to do all the calling, chasing, pursuing. I do consider myself old-fashioned to a point so I do expect the man to reach out initially, but once I get the feeling that he has an interest, I'm ok with reaching out too and calling, making dates and paying for them, doing some pursuing. I'm not in Ginger's head so I can't tell you her reasoning but it just seems like he's almost saying to act disinterested, like you have better things to do while the woman runs panting after you.

Well here I go again. Again, lets like at everything that is taken out of context.

Here is the paragraph from the book.

"The wonderful truth is that if you treat a woman properly and allow her to come to you at her own pace with minimal and simple actions on your part, she will do most of the chasing, calling, texting and pursuing! That allows you to focus on what’s most important in any man’s life, your mission and purpose!"

Let's just start of with the first sentence. If you treat a woman properly meaning you court her and set one date per week. You take her out and act like a gentlemen, ask good quality questions and show her a good time. Let's remember in the beginning consists of 6 to 8 weeks of the man doing the majority of the courting and pursuing. Minimal actions means setting one day per week, not sending 100 text messages during the week etc. Letting the woman come to the man at her own pace. As the woman feels comfortable she starts to reach out to the man more. "hey how's your day going?" hence she starts to do more of the pursuing. Would you rather have a man focusing on his mission and purpose or sitting home all day playing video games and texting you every 5 minutes where are you?

NO WHERE in the two sentences does it say the woman's purpose is to chase the man so that's a false statement.

The best part of all is what he says will happen is exactly what Dawn says" I can't speak for everyone but I don't expect a man to do all the calling, chasing, pursuing. I do consider myself old-fashioned to a point so I do expect the man to reach out initially, but once I get the feeling that he has an interest, I'm ok with reaching out too and calling, making dates and paying for them, doing some pursuing."

Ok another false statement:

I'm not in Ginger's head so I can't tell you her reasoning but it just seems like he's almost saying to act disinterested, like you have better things to do while the woman runs panting after you.

He would never advise you to be disinterested. He does expect you to be busy pursuing your purpose so you are not available to chit chat all day but he wouldn't tell you to act disinterested.

The funny thing is most of what he teaches is based on the fact that most guys are clueless and these strategies are so you don't do stupid things like over pursue a girl and turn her off.

Lastly, this is not for Ditzes, it is for woman with options because a woman with options is not going to put up with a guy texting her 10 times without a response. A guy who is not direct and won't make a date. A guy that has nothing going on his life but to sit around and chit chat on the phone for hours on end.

Seems to be working on the Dr. I am guessing she is not a ditz.

I am not saying you need to agree with everything in the book. I do have a problem with all the false statements and things being taken out of context.

LH,

I'm not going to go through and respond to everything you said. We could go back and forth forever about this and I'm just going to say this: MY opinion is my opinion and as you already well know because I admitted it, it is based on my own experiences as a woman, excerpts from the book, and things that you all post (which are ALL taken out of context because you all are not posting the whole book, but just picking and choosing parts to illustrate your points and drive them home). I have appreciated your candor in your responses, even though I don't always agree with what you say. Out of respect for that appreciation for the open discussion and out of respect for J9 (and because I feel guilty for continuing to hijack his thread about this book), I'm just going to let it go. But again, LH, I do sincerely thank you for the discussions. It has been very enlightening. And, J9, I do sincerely apologize for continuing to hijack.

[LH19]

Dawn,

It's all good. I am not even sure why I get so defensive. I guess the book made me see what I did wrong in my marriage and I learned from it and am h$ll bent to make sure if I am ever in a LTR to never get complacent again.

[LH19]

J,

To change the subject. Your ex breaks up with her boyfriend calls you tomorrow and says she made a big mistake. What is your response? It's been about a year and a half, that is when I read they start to turn around and take a look.

[TBSakaJ9]

I couldn't do it at this time. I know I would want to for my girls but it wouldnt be right for me. At this juncture our timing is off and now that I am free I would want to continue to explore my options with other women . She can be my plan B

[LH19]

Holy $hit that is exactly how I feel right now. I actually love living alone 50% of the time, meeting new people and doing what I want whenever I want.