The Third Wish

[DnJ]

Good Morning Andrew

Slow down DnJ Reconciliation is nowhere on the horizon.

I am aware of that.

My post is all about you. Not reconciliation.

Perhaps my thoughts are not being captured on the paper very well. After all I am reading it in the manner I intended.

DnJ

[AndrewP]

Just rambling today but a few things I want to get out.

A couple of bad sleep nights. Sunday I was up late because dinner - and the associated cleanup was late. S24 wanted to make fresh bread which wouldn't be done until 7:30 so I delayed things. Right around then, he came, told me that he'd forgotten that he'd promised to go to the poker game that night and headed out leaving me alone with a rather nice dinner.

My first attempt at my ex's scalloped potatoes (recipe sent to me by D26) went rather well. So well in fact that the left-overs which I'd been eyeing for lunch on Wednesday are now completely gone so S24 must have liked them as well. Most of the fresh bread is also gone along with much of the left-over pork roast which I'd been intending for a casserole and now may be enough for 2 sandwiches. This is all a good thing. It means that he's eating healthy home-cooked food and I don't have to deal with left-overs which I try to avoid - yes - there's still lots of duck stew in the freezer

He wasn't home when I got in yesterday and presumably was out with 20S who had dropped in through the day (she has a key) to sort out her stuff. No apparent movement on that and perhaps I fed her as well.

Last night I got to bed extra early and was just settling in to sleep when the phone rang - the piano tuner making an appointment for next Wednesday. I don't play other than scales and the piano hasn't been tuned in at least 20 years but I would like it to be playable again. CL and her kids play and that got me thinking that if I do meet someone having a playable piano might be useful to them. A couple of hours later Liz (cat) beats on my door so I scoop her up and put her in the kitchen. A couple of more hours of sleep and Amy (cat) starts complaining outside my door - probably wanting access to her food so I open the kitchen and then (eventually) get some more sleep. Liz was presumably chastised as she didn't bother me for the rest of the night.

I did notice this morning a couple of social media posts from CL that she is at a nice hotel in downtown Toronto sans kids. That explains the pretty manicure she messaged me on the weekend. Undoubtedly a girls adventure / church event / who knows / none of my business. Is she still interested? It would appear not but I do have no clue.

Thanks for the input on the dating profile setup. I need to find that courage to first off put myself out there and secondly accept the consequences of that which could be either disappointing or more feminine attention that I am comfortable with. Even though there is a presumed shortage of stable middle-aged guys I'm expecting more from column A than column B.

I did want to write a bit and explore more what I wrote about my ex. Unless I was to chase after her - open a dialogue - I honestly do not think that she would be reaching out to me. Being as I am far less private than her and that she likely pumps S24 for intel, she undoubtedly knows that I'm right where she left me. That I've gone on dates that haven't gone anywhere.

There is no basis at all for making any sort of assumption that she has any interest in restarting something with me. And for my part I am working hard on not reaching out to her. Largely successfully although the adjusted memo line for the support payment last week was certainly a poke. But not one that could be considered invitational at all.

What sort of person is she now? I really don't know. The last real image I have of her is an angry bitter woman from about a year ago when she got the last of her stuff out of the house and was captured on security video that she wasn't aware of. Since then there were a couple of episodes where she would be with OM in his truck to pick up S24 leading up to the summer. One encounter on a back road where we turned in different directions and most recently a couple of months ago her burning rubber to drive away from the end of the lane when she was picking up S24 and saw me walking out of the garage.

Her social media is deathly silent with a post from a friend a month or so ago expressing sympathy for the tough time she's having. No bragging about a wonderful life that's for sure.

Whatever shape her life is in right now is certainly not the one that she expected when she decided to hook her cart to OM. But again - like with so many things - I could be very wrong.

Well - my early lunch is over. Time to press the "post" button and stare at some profit numbers that don't make any sense for a while. Despite us having an abundance of waste steam at this plant, it's on the other side of the yard and it's mighty frosty here in the office.

[Dawn70]

My dear Andrew, I think we are all on our own, different journeys here and I certainly don't want to tell you what your journey should be because that is not for me to say. If you think, at some point, reconciliation with your wife is potentially part of your journey, then I say embrace that wholeheartedly. However, whether reconciliation is ACTUALLY part of your journey or not, you really, really, REALLY need to stop mind reading about what she is doing, thinking, feeling. You have mentioned before and again in this post that she likely pumps S24 for info. Who cares? If she does, that is on her. What is that old saying about "living well is the best revenge"? Just focus on living well and being the best Andrew you can be and quit worrying and mind reading what she's thinking or asking or doing. Someone said it the other day, but I also think that getting regular social media updates from SIL is totally counterproductive as well. Why do you even care at this point? I mean, obviously she was a big part of your life and you lived her and share children with her. You may even still be harboring some feelings and I'm not necessarily saying that is a bad thing. I'm just saying that the whole out of sight out of mind thing makes life a whole lot easier sometimes and constantly wondering, keeping track of slight encounters (such as those you listed), getting social media updates from SIL or even checking her social media yourself....all totally counterproductive to GAL in my opinion. Others may disagree with me, but that is how I see it.

You are truly a lovely man. Oh wait....lovely may not seem like I want it to....you are a manly man, but in a lovely way. You get my point. I think there is a very special lady out there who is going to find you and then you'll know why you have been single. While I'm on this path, I will say that I do NOT think CL is that lady. Look...SHE'S MARRIED. TO SOMEONE ELSE. Yes, she's divorcing, I get that...she's in the process or separated or whatever (honestly don't remember, though I know you have talked about it). She's not in a place right now to be in a romantic entanglement with you. She may be in the future or she may not be.....that is on her. Honestly, I think you are her soft place to fall and she's using that to her full advantage. It's a compliment to you, really, because you are a good guy. Who wouldn't want a good guy right there waiting for them? I think you spend too much time mind reading her, too, though. Stop wondering and worrying if she's "finished" or not and just put it out there and see how she responds. Or walk away and give the attention that you so readily give her to someone else who is more deserving. I'm not saying you shouldn't be friends with CL, but I don't think that friendship is going to get you what you want. I think that once she moves past her divorce and starts actively dating again, you will be permanently friend zoned and she won't look back. Don't wait around for that to happen. You have plenty of other options staring you in the face to allow yourself to go down like that.

As far as the OLD thing, I liked your profile, as it showed humor and for me personally, humor is a BIG attractant. I agree with what everyone else said about not using the word boring though. Honey, you are FAR from boring. You are quite the story teller and the right woman is going to appreciate that more than you can even imagine.

Thanks for sharing your feelings and thoughts, Andrew. I totally love reading your story and playing along with the home game. Though my advice might not always be accurate, it comes from a place of genuine admiration. I think you are the bees knees!

[doodler]

I've been debating dipping my toe in to the OLD pool perhaps after Valentines Day. I was thinking of this sort of profile:

I like pork and kraut!
Boring and predictable / consistent and reliable. It's just a different perspective on the same thing. I'm a small town guy living with his 2 cats and trying to stop cooking with cheese so that my son will move out on his own. I enjoy a good book, a cold beer and yes, do make a pretty darned nice pie. I'm hoping to find someone who also likes pie and a quiet comfortable life with random adventures with me to the hardware store or perhaps Spain. I've never been to Madrid but quite like the music.

A few pictures. Me cuddling my young nephew which shows that I'm a guy with a bit of "size", at the theatre, in Cuba last year and a recent one along with at least one picture of a pie. Opinions from the OLD pros?

Andrew,

Whoa dude! I didn't realize you guys have OLD up there in Canada. Cool!

I took the liberty of sprucing-up your profile.

I like pork and kraut!
I'm an international spy. I'd tell you more, but then I'd have to...well, you know. I'm a small town guy living with the fate of the free world resting on my shoulders. I enjoy a good book if it has pictures, a martini and yes, do loving making lots of good pork and kraut. I'm hoping to find someone who also likes pork and kraut and taking exciting random adventures with me to dangerous places or perhaps Spain. I've never been to Madrid but believe I'd quite like the wild nightlife.

A few pictures. Me cuddling my young ex-girlfriend which shows that I'm a guy with a bit of "size", at the theatre, in Cuba last year and a recent one along with at least one picture of a pork skewer. Opinions from the OLD pros?

[AndrewP]

Whoa dude! I didn't realize you guys have OLD up there in Canada. Cool!

I took the liberty of sprucing-up your profile.

I like pork and kraut!

I must say that this has made me laugh harder than pretty much anything I've ever read here Thanks doodler. With your guidance maybe I can attract my own "Hot Mother Theresa"

We not only have OLD but indoor plumbing in many houses too. For internet usage, I have to write my posts out long-hand and then toss them on a passing dog sled which, if it doesn't get held up at the polar bear crossing, eventually gets pasted in to a computer somewhere around Tijuana. I actually wrote this post about a month ago. The way that I believe OLD works is that someone in the neighbourhood of New Jersey puts some pictures in an envelope which is then mailed and passed around among the ladies at the post office with their recommendations and comments being noted on the backs. I then pick one, pay postage and handling and in 6-8 weeks get a date sent by parcel post. Air holes in the box are extra.

I had a bit of very flattering contact this morning. The nice lady who retired from her bookshop that I went on a date with in late 2017 emailed me again this morning. It was a suggestion that I volunteer judge at the local science fair. I responded that I was very flattered and that I would be more than happy to help out. I think though that parts of my science fair career will perhaps be left concealed. How I blew up the chemistry lab 3 times and taught the teacher how to pick the lock to the lab door for example. Some years after I graduated he was arrested for breaking in to his lab after being let go

I'm sure it was very different back then. I remember writing letters to the Canadian National Research Council looking for information and even corresponding with scientists in India about my projects. And waiting weeks for a response. After taking all available prizes locally I did attend the national fair back in 1980 where I won absolutely nothing.

Depending on my work circumstances I may ask at work to see if they want to donate a prize. We're having a problem being competitive in pricing on caustic soda so maybe a couple of tonnes of that? I did laugh because with the corporate re-organization we were suddenly under-cut on that product both in volume and pricing and now suddenly that former part of the company / now competitor has run out of product. Maybe a cheque and nice certificate might be a better idea.

I was chatting with the operations manager at the plant yesterday and he asked if I was aware that my boss was retiring. I said that I'd heard rumours but not from my boss so didn't know what was going to be happening. I also joked that I needed to start my fork-lift training because I wasn't sure what the future held and he said very seriously that they had some big plans for making use of me. I like the people and the business - even if industrial chemicals might not be to everyone's liking as a company. I'll continue my search though too.

I was pleased coming home that there was a parcel in the mail for S24 - it was my first installment of the Wine of the Month club he got me for Christmas. He asked if I was going to try one right away and I suggested we wait for Sunday supper and both try.

He did say that the scalloped potatoes were very popular with him and that it needs to be on our menu rotation.

On the cat note Liz is learning that "one strike and you're out". After pawing on my door about an hour after I got to bed, she got locked in the kitchen again (and adjoining rooms) along with her sister. Certainly less stressful on me but it was weird to get up this morning and not have them trying to trip me down the stairs.

Since I'm both healing and also stupid, I've been going back in my old Facebook posts looking at the same time in past years. Repeated exposure makes it hurt less I believe even if the nostalgia does hit. Last year I was heading down to Cuba around now. And yep - there was a comment from CL remarking on how nice she thought I looked without my beard. When it comes to understanding women, especially women in crisis (would have been a couple of months after she threw her STBX out), I was out getting the tea and biscuits. So I had no idea then what her intentions might have been other than finding it a bit creepy at the time not knowing she was separated. And I certainly have no idea what her intentions are now but do agree that waiting around isn't productive.

Because I purged so much of my old Facebook feed of my ex, I see very little of her there. Probably a good thing.

As many may know, I participate in another forum from time to time that is very anti-reconciliation. I posted there yesterday about my conflicting feelings about my ex and surprisingly got some very positive, thoughtful and kind responses. I expected to be whacked down but still wanted to get my thoughts out some more.

Not much else on the agenda and yes, I posted earlier this week but it is Wednesday (and payday!). Time for me to get to work. I have some new procedures to write - woo hoo!

[doodler]

With your guidance maybe I can attract my own "Hot Mother Theresa"

Ouch! After all of this time Hot Mother Theresa still hits a raw nerve. I'd planned a life with her and my hopes were dashed. Although, it never would've worked because she was a nun. Do you know the nun rule? It's okay to date a nun, but you can't get in the habit.

I've moved on. Reluctantly.

[Dawn70]

I should hit you up for donations for my lab. Caustic soda, yes please. LOL I love the idea of the science fair judging...how fun! You actually gave me an idea for my class this semester. I don't usually give them a traditional final exam anyway. I make them do some sort of presentation. I think this year, I'm going to hit them with a good old-fashioned science fair and their project is their final exam grade. Tell them they have to use one of the topics we covered in lab as the basis for their project, but beyond that, the sky is the limit. LOVE it.........I really need to think about this.

[AndrewP]

I should hit you up for donations for my lab. Caustic soda, yes please. LOL I love the idea of the science fair judging...how fun! You actually gave me an idea for my class this semester. I don't usually give them a traditional final exam anyway. I make them do some sort of presentation. I think this year, I'm going to hit them with a good old-fashioned science fair and their project is their final exam grade. Tell them they have to use one of the topics we covered in lab as the basis for their project, but beyond that, the sky is the limit. LOVE it.........I really need to think about this.

One of the projects I tried to get my kids to do was one I titled "Lunch with Mr Chubby".

In that project they would need to figure out the optimal number of guinea pigs to have in order to continually provide for the basic protein needs of a family of 4. Additionally some work would be necessary to determine what sort of an how much fodder would be necessary to feed the wee critters.

For props, a couple of live guinea pigs and some bits of "chicken" on toothpicks with dip would be provided.

For some reason they weren't interested

I'm actually working with our marketing people right now to try to get some sodium bisulfite sample sizes in to a local water treatment training facility. My thought is that if we can get brand recognition by potential buyers that's a good thing. It's not as if our SBS is "nicer" than everyone else's even if it is packaged by a nice guy named Ed who used to have an Aunt Agnes so brand recognition is tough in my industry.

I met a number of years ago with the nice people at SolvChem in Houston when I used to be the chair of a chemical industry best practices committee. They're a family owned company that also makes the Jack Daniels charcoal brand. They sell in to Arkansas - maybe they'll provide you with some samples sizes of product or the name of a customer that gets what you want in industrial sizes that might be willing to part with a bucket or two. As someone here once told me - it doesn't hurt to ask. And when you sell stuff by the tonne the sample sizes can be substantial as customers sometimes want to run the samples through their processing equipment. And of course, to paraphrase Norm Abrams " Be sure to read, understand, and follow all the safety rules" as listed on the relevant SDS documents.

[dream]

DnJ, I understood what you were trying to do with Andrew P. You not once mentioned reconciliation, but for him to dig into the WHY he would take his XW back.

Andrew P, I continue to be hopeful that one day, you will post without mind-reading about what your XW may or may not be doing. I agree with those who suggested getting updates from your SIL is not helpful. Even though they are reporting that there is nothing to report, it is taking up space in your brain.

You said you're going to move on and live your life. What are your steps towards making that happen?

I'm looking forward to reading about your on-line dating stories!! When are you going to post your profile?

What's happening with GSL? Or the lady from work who used to walk with you, I think you got ice cream once?

[Dawn70]

I should hit you up for donations for my lab. Caustic soda, yes please. LOL I love the idea of the science fair judging...how fun! You actually gave me an idea for my class this semester. I don't usually give them a traditional final exam anyway. I make them do some sort of presentation. I think this year, I'm going to hit them with a good old-fashioned science fair and their project is their final exam grade. Tell them they have to use one of the topics we covered in lab as the basis for their project, but beyond that, the sky is the limit. LOVE it.........I really need to think about this.

One of the projects I tried to get my kids to do was one I titled "Lunch with Mr Chubby".

In that project they would need to figure out the optimal number of guinea pigs to have in order to continually provide for the basic protein needs of a family of 4. Additionally some work would be necessary to determine what sort of an how much fodder would be necessary to feed the wee critters.

For props, a couple of live guinea pigs and some bits of "chicken" on toothpicks with dip would be provided.

For some reason they weren't interested

I'm actually working with our marketing people right now to try to get some sodium bisulfite sample sizes in to a local water treatment training facility. My thought is that if we can get brand recognition by potential buyers that's a good thing. It's not as if our SBS is "nicer" than everyone else's even if it is packaged by a nice guy named Ed who used to have an Aunt Agnes so brand recognition is tough in my industry.

I met a number of years ago with the nice people at SolvChem in Houston when I used to be the chair of a chemical industry best practices committee. They're a family owned company that also makes the Jack Daniels charcoal brand. They sell in to Arkansas - maybe they'll provide you with some samples sizes of product or the name of a customer that gets what you want in industrial sizes that might be willing to part with a bucket or two. As someone here once told me - it doesn't hurt to ask. And when you sell stuff by the tonne the sample sizes can be substantial as customers sometimes want to run the samples through their processing equipment. And of course, to paraphrase Norm Abrams " Be sure to read, understand, and follow all the safety rules" as listed on the relevant SDS documents.

In my former life, part of my job was to offer a pesticide safety class to farmers and other interested citizens so "the label is the law" is drilled into my head and I STILL find myself saying that all the time. I just wrote my magazine column last week and was talking about using a preemergence herbicide to get rid of winter annual weeds like henbit and chickweed and you guessed it, I actually typed out that the user should explicitly follow the label directions on their product of choice because "the label is the law". LOL I even do a lesson with my students toward the end of the semester where we talk about plant diversity, but rather than do just a plant ID session like a lot of my colleagues do, I use an online program that talks about selecting trees and shrubs for your yard and the added economic value for certain species of trees and shrubs. There is also a section specifically dedicated to pesticide usage and proper pruning, so I tell them "the label is the law" as well. My thought process with that is that my students will, at some point in the not-to-distant future, be homeowners so they need to be aware of such things. I think of it as life skill training.

I'm a little frightened by your lunch with Mr. Chubby idea...I think I'm going to skip that one. Oh and I'm familiar with the charcoal you mentioned. I have seen at several local stores here in town and I live in a fairly small town. I have even used it before and like it.