Well if this is how the new year is going to go, I just want to go back to bed and sleep through it. Not at all totally surprising as I had a strong suspicion - well for a couple months but only to this level for a couple of days. It was only about 15 hours into the new year that Wild Girl put up a post on Facebook that she is in a relationship - followed by a photo of her kissing the guy. Facebook - I found out on Facebook. This after I spoke to her a few days after Christmas as she said nothing about it. We were talking about luggage for the cruise a little over two weeks ago. Who in the h3ll does this?
I have such a strong sense about things happening in life - I knew something like this was going to happen - I just knew it - although even I didn't think she would wait until the last minute like this. I thought everything was in the clear just two weeks out. She was literally supposed to be at my house two weeks from tomorrow night. What really kills me is why she didn't say anything to me - and I have to read it on flipping Facebook? It's like she was not going to go so let's make it so Don can't take anyone else either! I at least would have had a chance a month or two ago. It's not like we've not talked at least weekly. And this is the commitment-phobic woman with her walls up - posting shes in a relationship on facebook? Wow she must have really "fallin in love."
So I of course called - no answer, followed by my sending a text which at this minute she has not responded to. How can I ever trust anyone? Is the decency of everyone gone out the window? I mean, this is not a break up in the true sense of the word but my Lord we were intimate dozens of times, went out dozens of times, spent the summer doing things together, talked on the phone I'll bet 40 hours. I've heard of people breaking up through text message and I think that is crappy - but through a post on Facebook? Wow, this is a new low - at least to happen to me. I clearly overlooked her lack of character by a factor of 20.
Now, I do get it - she's a coward. She knows she has zero defense and what she has done is inexcusable. So rather than face me, she runs and hides. I'd say it's 50/50 she will respond to me. If she does she will wait a day or more. I know I will likely see her parents and aunt before too long and I will nicely, professionally, let them know the truth as I strongly suspected she told them she had talked with me and everything was taken care of. I know they are not the type of people that could condone her behavior - accepting an offer for a $1,700 vacation, pretending like you are going until two weeks before and then backing out without even as much as a text message. Why string it along this long? How would she have liked it if I told her now, sorry I met someone else so you're really not going on a cruise in two weeks. I could never think of doing that to someone. How can people treat others like this? COWARDS!!!!!
So it's bad enough I now have no date for the cruise - on top of it, there is a plane ticket, I had to pay the gratuity ahead of time due to the package - so I'm out that money as well. She knows all of this as I kept her in the loop. She even joked about not being able to take a bag for her shoes because we have to pay $25 per bag on the airline. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'm very afraid they will ask me to pay for the $379 plane ticket that was wasted - or say next time (if there is a next time) flight is not included for me. Or they could well say, Donh is unreliable so let's not have that band back. Again, trust my intuition here - coupled with how I know these people. So I'm not sure if I should or will tell them or not. I'm looking at a few options for a replacement but I have no idea how much that will even cost. Airlines are very solid about not changing names last minute because they see it as a way around the high rates that happen last minute. They think the first name was just a placeholder to avoid a $900 last minute ticket.
And while I'm more mad than anything at this point, that's now, I'll feel like a total loser in a few weeks when 7 of us get on the plane and 9 or 11 or 13 of us are together and I'm sitting next to an empty seat on the plane, at dinner, etc. I can't even get a girl to go on a free vacation with me. How does that old joke go - couldn't get laid in a hore house? Yes, yes, yes, I know, it's not like that but let's not forget the worst vacation of my life was 10 years ago now when I had to go on a cruise by myself. I hated it. I vowed I'd never do it again - and I haven't. I have been so looking forward to this - pretty much all year. And now if I could get out of it - I would, in a heartbeat. Time will tell but watch this new R fizzle out as fast as it flamed up and she could have gone on a free vacation on top of it. Will serve her right - but we all know it never happens that way.
Enough for now. Happy New Year. It's 2019 great so far?
Last edited by job; 01/02/1912:30 PM.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I am so sorry to read what this girl has done. She is definitely not only a coward, but a user. FB is not a way to tell someone that they are in a relationship w/someone. She should have called/texted you early on and advised you that her plans had changed.
Do you have any friends or family members that pick up her portion of the tickets so that you aren't out of pocket for all of it? I know that this idea isn't ideal for you, but at least you wouldn't be totally out of pocket for everything. If you go on the cruise, you might meet someone really nice who is traveling solo as well. Sometimes things happen for a reason and we do not know what they are until much later.
I do hope you can find someone to help you out on short notice. I really could just smack that woman for what she's done.
I am truly sorry. Not a good way to start the new year...but I'm still wishing you Happy New Year because you can't allow one blip to mar the rest of the new year.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm so sorry, Don. That totally [censored] to find out on FB. I found out my XH's "new" relationship with the woman he'd cheated with on FB, so I know first-hand how deeply hurtful that can really be. I hope that the new year offers you much better moving forward.
Now, having said all that, I want to ask a somewhat odd question. You said that you spoke to her a few days after Christmas and y'all were talking about luggage. Is there an off chance that she might still be planning to go, explaining to this "new relationship" guy that this is something that had been planned and paid for in advance and she was just going as your friend? I mean, yeah, I know it sounds crazy, but given some of the descriptions of her that you gave, it seems like a bit of a possibility, in my mind. Of course, it would make me wonder just how serious this relationship truly is if she went that route and if he was ok with it.
Whatever is going on, what she did was just wrong and I totally agree with job that she is not only a coward, but a user. You just do NOT do that to someone. You act as an adult and you have a real, honest conversation with someone. I am truly sorry, Don...no one deserves that.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Sorry man that's a tough break. I agree though with Dawn, maybe she still plans on going. Also, just out of curiosity, when is the last time you did something together?
Don, i'm really sorry that things played out like they did. I have to admit that my first thought after reading it was did she ever say she wasn't going on the cruise (similar to Dawn's post), maybe in her mind it would be perfectly fine to go on a cruise with someone you recently were intimate with whilst having a new boyfriend. Then again, maybe she just figures she will be breaking up with him before it's time for the cruise. Anyway, she definitely did you wrong for no apparent reason, I was hoping things would work out better for you.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I've been holding off with an update until I had something more significant to report. I wish that was now, but... not yet.
Could those of you who think she's still planning to go be correct? Yes, I guess you could. My gut tells me that's not the case but even to this minute she has not yet officially cancelled! Of course the games - funny I don't think she even knows or thinks she's playing games - continue.
I was promised a telephone call on Wednesday after work. I received a text in the afternoon saying she now had to close and after the holidays she knew she should not get home until nearly 10 PM. I believe this is true given the past. So then it was "I'll call you for sure tonight" that was last night - Thursday night. At about 9:30 I got a text saying "The girls are talking my ear off, as soon as they go to bed I'll call." At 11:15 PM I sent a text "are the girls still up?" At 4:12 AM (Awe is all this keeping you from sleeping?) I got the response "yes the girls were still up and I was really tired." So tired she was up at 4 in the morning! I sent back at like 7:30 AM "I'm sure this is difficult. I'm not looking for an hours-long conversation or confrontation - just a few minutes of your time." She immediately texted back "No, no it's not that at all. I'll call you tonight when I get home. The girls won't be home tonight."
I totally understand her not wanting to talk about this in front of her daughters - nor should she. And right or wrong on my part, I'm so over her the person at this point that it really doesn't matter about whatever "relationship" we had. She's proved she is who I pretty much thought all along. For me now it's about not letting her get away with this scott free. It's almost like how I'd hold an employee accountable. And I am very good at this. A female friend said I'm like leading the lamb to the slaughter. While I won't slaughter her I will tactfully, professionally, and very clearly let her know what an immature BS move all of this has been and how much growing up she has to do. We are not in high school here. At 55 I don't expect to have to deal with crap like this from people. If she tries to play it off as "Oh it's no big deal, I have no problem coming to you and talking" well then why the h@ll did you not tell me this a month or two ago?
The real sad part here is I had very fond memories of this past summer with her. Those too now are beyond tarnished and I'm disgusted I showed her the good time that I did. Had she come to me a month or two ago - I obviously would have been sad, upset and disappointed. But at least then I could have had a chance to find someone else to go - including pursuing one of the other two I've casually dated since then. There were other missed opportunities along the way but in fairness they were closer to 3 months ago.
It's bad enough she would not be going - but why can't I take someone else rather than go alone? Why punish me TWICE? But to "pretend" she is still going - for sure three weeks ago and at least somewhat a week ago.. That is crazy. Unless.... I'm totally under-estimating her yet again and she will tell me tonight - "of course I'm still going, why wouldn't I"? Please understand - this will be the most shocking yet. I don't at all expect it and not sure how I'd even respond if it does happen. Right now I'd say no way, but who knows what she has to say.
Why I do not think she is going is because never in her life has she gone public with a guy - never. Not just me but even the last guy she dated for 2 years was kept quiet publicly. She put up a photo kissing this guy at Christmas. I saw a photo of him and her daughters and he looks so young i honestly thought it was a cousin in his 20s. I've yet to find out how old he is but guessing 10 years younger than her which would be 23 years younger than me. This part just becomes people watching for me at this point.
I'm hopeful we'll have a conversation and once we do I'll report back. I'm scampering to find a replacement but I don't think that is going to happen. Two weeks from right now I'll be in Miami. This is laced with issues that could blow up three different ways but I'll explain that later when I know rather than speculate. For those who don't understand - this cruise, flight and pre-night hotel, was paid for by someone else. I was hired to play with two bands on this cruise in exchange for them buying my and a guest a free cruise and two plane tickets to Miami. So while I am not out money (at least yet) - someone is - and it's not impossible they could come to me and say "we want our $379 back for the flight - pay up."
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
DH - IMO I do think she is going to go and has been hoping you would forget all about it as it appears she is trying to avoid you. I would guess if she was still wanting to go she would have been contacting you all the time to make sure she was still slotted in. Maybe even talking to you about how excited she was, what she was going to bring to wear, asking you questions about the trip, etc.
Ummmmmmmmmm Is this really what you intended to post? If so, the rest doesn't make a lot of sense.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
