First step...Directly ask my wife about having an affair or take back the master bedroom? Should I demand to see her phone to confirm the truth? This will play right into her "You will never trust me again" but as many of you have said I need to know what I am dealing with to know how to proceed.
Also, which book do I read first? Divorce Busting or Divorce Remedy?
DR is an updated version of DB. Read DR.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
IU, Steve has hit on every highlight. There are huge red flags.
The weekends away? RED FLAG ON FIRE The wardrobe? RED FLAG Lost a lot of weight? Unfortunately, that is a common thread. Split phone line? RED FLAG
FIRE FIRE FIRE
I would bet money on an affair. Actually nobody would take me up on that because everyone would basically be 100% convinced except for you, and that's just because you're in the situation.
For now you need to read up, and focus on the welcome post from Cadet. Read Sandi's rules every day.
I believe waywardness is a mental condition. There are patterns, there are behaviors, and there are motives that are almost universal between waywards from all ethnic, gender, and culture boundaries. You are not ever going to get through to her while she is in this condition. She will always lie, she will always believe what she wants to believe, and no matter how logical or how much evidence you have to the contrary, you will always be wrong. So the advice you get here may not be intuitive at first but it is designed to protect you from something you do not understand yet. You will eventually understand but right now you need to trust the people here giving you advice.
GAL every day. This is for you. You have to focus on yourself, and you have to become the most badass IU79 that there ever was. And you do it because you want to, not because you are trying to win your cheating wayward wife back. You are going to upgrade yourself and become something that is even better than what you were before. You have to Get A Life because the old life is gone, bro. Replace it with something better and you won't miss the old life as much. Life's too short to wallow in mud longer than you must.
The 180's are for YOU. The things she doesn't like about you now are things that other women are not going to like about you in the future. So you fix them now, and you do it for YOURSELF. When my WW came back into my life she was like, "WTF why is your car so clean? WTF why is your apartment so tidy? WTF why are your clothes so neat? Why did I never see this about you before?" Sometimes these things are built up in THEIR minds when they justify leaving you, but there is usually some basis in truth so work on those things. You have to recognize and reverse the negative behaviors you currently exhibit, because they will hold you back in the long run in possible recon or other relationships.
The MBR thing is very very real. It sounds silly and makes no sense, but it is VERY REAL. Did I mention that it is important? DO IT. I was on the couch like you at first until I took charge. Yes it made her furious, but I stood my ground and you know what? I started to respect myself more after taking my MBR back. You have to start there. Regain some self-respect.
At the end of the day, divorce is just an expensive legal document. Who knows what can happen a year from now. You may be faced with her wanting you back, but by then you might not even want to talk to her anymore. People here used to tell me that all the time, and it's absolutely true. Keep your head up. It's going to be OK, no matter what happens to the marriage. Recovery will be hard, but it's absolutely doable.
Last edited by Joe2017; 12/18/1805:28 PM.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
I stayed home today. The closer it gets to Christmas the worse it gets.
It's tough, it's difficult; I think it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but you will survive. The cool thing is that you get to choose how you survive. You can wallow in pity or you can decide to use it as a catalyst for change and build a wonderful life for yourself and your children. If your wife decides she wants to come along for the awesome ride, then so be it, but if she doesn't, then you and your children will be just fine. This is your opportunity for growth as a man; accept the challenge and you'll be rewarded.
Thank you all for the advice and the fire worries. I want to trust her but know right now I cannot. I go to my IC tomorrow night and I want to run some of these things by her as well. I can wait one more day to make a change but I do feel it is the right thing to do to reclaim the MBR. I also think pulling way back on video games is a change I can make. I'll spend more time reading and watching some of my favorite shows.
I signed up for a basketball league that starts in a couple weeks. My W's response when I told her last week was, don't you think you should of told me first? I thought, not really.
I signed up for a basketball league that starts in a couple weeks. My W's response when I told her last week was, don't you think you should of told me first? I thought, not really.
LOL the audacity of WAWs/WWs always astounds. "I want out!" "You joined a basketball league? You should have told me!"
Ridiculous.
Tough Love IU. I like your plan. Do more things like the basketball league.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
