Saturday Siesta

[job]

I would venture to say that your xw did stop by. Once things settle down, and especially when you have begun to move on, they tend to start peaking out and sniffing around to see what you are doing. The holidays are fast approaching and she may be curious as to what you are doing these days and wants to see the house and the decorations. If she did come by, she is also looking to see if there are any "gifts" that your lady friends have left you. Your son has probably enlightened her about CL and whatever talks that you've had w/him about the various lady friends that you have. It's about the right time for her to start the peaking out for the holidays.

Don't say a word about the ornament or anything else...see if your son eventually opens up about it.

[Dawn70]

My heart goes out to you Andrew. The holidays are hard. My D was final a week before Christmas (Dec. 17, 2014), so that first couple of years, Christmas just was not Christmas at all for me and it was rough. Even now, though it is the past, I do still get a little pang at the holidays. So, I totally get where you are coming from. I hope it gets better for you.

[AndrewP]

The cadence of my usual diarising seems to be mid-week when I work from home and again on the weekend.

Well - today I'm working from home on a Thursday instead of a Wednesday so here goes. Also, the main datacentre went down just before lunch and so I'm twiddling my thumbs a bit.

It's my first week back to work after a week and a half off and things are both the same and appear to have shifted. My boss seems to have a huge amount of anger that the hand-over of the bulk of the company to the multi-national isn't going smoothly. Personally I'm not surprised either by the challenges, nor by his anger. I did reach out to a friend on "the other side" and had a chat with her. I'd heard through the grapevine that my boss has been getting copies of internal emails so don't write out anything that I don't want to have read. I really do think he's gone off the deep end with paranoia and drama.

According to my friend it has been well noticed that my boss has become quite uncooperative as has his primary henchman. Who I also have learned has been being sent on management training. Heavens help us all. He has pretty good tech skills but no personal or organizational skills and despite working for this company longer than me has only a dim grasp of how the business and the systems that support it work. He honestly doesn't care but does look reasonably good in a suit and is good at saying Yes Sir / No Sir.

With the holidays coming up, my regular schedule of Mon/Tue at the acid plant, Wed home and Thu/Fri at the marketing office didn't happen this week. I was at the acid plant yesterday and the president suggested that I sit in on a meeting with an engineering firm about a power generation project we've started with our waste steam. In part because the only place for me to sit is in the meeting room there and because I was interested I jumped on the chance. Very cool. I love listening to smart people talk about things I'm interested in. I had very little to contribute of course and joked that I was only there because I was the only guy at the plant who wears a tie

Afterwards I thanked the president for allowing me to be there and he made some noises that sounds like he wants me to manage the project. I'm sure he didn't mean that but wow. A multi-million dollar project that has issues with public safety, environmental, plant operations, construction, engineering. Way way way outside of anything I've ever attempted. If I'm fortunate perhaps I can play a small part.

I did have an interesting chat in the morning with one of our plant engineers. He had an interesting perspective on millennials in the workplace. He pointed out that pretty much everyone in the management at the plant was of my age or older and would all be retiring in the next 5 to 10 years. He is obviously looking at stepping in to a senior leadership role for which he's already pretty qualified.

I did reach out to my old friend who had suggested that there might be work for me in his Manhattan based company carefully saying that I knew his suggestion was "off the cuff" and wishing him a Happy Christmas. He said that he can't do lunch in the next while as he will be in NYC for the next while but did mention that he would ask around to see what opportunities might exist.

I do need to update my resume though and start sending out applications. I've been saying that for months but I need to actually do it more seriously.

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I just sent the final spousal support payment of 2018 to my ex. A couple of days early but that's generally what I do. It's due "On or about" the 15th. She usually waits until the 15th to pick it up. Other than one time when I made a comment other than "Spousal Support xxxx-xx" she never responds when picking it up. Although beyond "thanks and sorry for destroying your life" I'm not sure what there would be for her to say

I've been mulling over the whole "what if" thing lately a lot as those playing the home game might know. I still really don't know what I would do if she knocked on the door. I know what I "should" do which is to turn off all the lights and hide under the couch. I do though have no real expectation of that happening. For one thing, I don't really fit under the couch. And the other is that I really don't think she has the courage nor strength to do something that tough.

I did get another nostalgia hit yesterday. Back in 2005 as we were slowly recovering from near bankruptcy as a family we all worked together to win a radio contest that netted up a bit over $3,000. I had managed at the time to record that and came across the MP3 as I was cleaning up some files so I sent it over to the kids. Even though I was the one who actually made the call (something way out of my character) I made sure to give my then wife the bulk of the credit. She had done most of the work after-all. I remember her coming home so very very pleased. She'd heard me win while she was running errands. That was the beginning of a major turn-around in our finances. We also got a debt consolidation loan from a bank manager friend of her's at around the same time and then buckled down and hauled ourselves out of debt. Just before she started her affair in earnest we had finally paid off the last credit card balance.

We really were set for a very comfortable life after a lot of struggles when she blew it all up.

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I'd been thinking recently on something that Westo posted quite some time ago. How being single when our spouses run off is indeed something like a vacation. Fewer responsibilities, inadequate supervision. I do know that I don't make as many good choices as I would if there was someone other than S24 around. S24's presence does keep me somewhat in line as does my own longer-term goals of getting even healthier and planning my fiscal future.

Speaking of vacations, I don't think that I'll take myself "south" this year. Perhaps next summer or fall go to Spain for a week or so. Funny - when I was married, especially when we were so far in debt such dreams certainly seemed quite out of reach. But then too, I was focused on making sure that we had a comfortable retirement in the style my now ex would have wanted which would have included travel.

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I am working through what to do for myself for Christmas Eve and Day. I'm thinking sappy movies, a bit of wine and egg-nog, good book, naps. I did ask S24 what his plans were for New Years last night and he said that he was planning on going to a party at a friend of a friend's. I mentioned that I may see what CL is up to and go to the city she lives in but that I didn't know.

The reality is that I've not heard from CL in several days. Perhaps she's expecting me to continue to chase her while she plays somewhat "hard to get". Or perhaps not. No real way to know. There does come a point though when the chase is given up. The last time a couple of months ago she noticed and reeled me back in. And then there's the re-thinking of if she is an appropriate match for me too given some warning signals I've seen and talked about here.

Although since I've been working on this post through the afternoon CL did just comment in Instragram on a picture of the stew that I'm currently having bubbling away on the stove. Perhaps that story isn't done yet.

I am trying to think what to ask "Santa" to get me. I'd like a new desk. A nice roll-top or secretary which is part of my overall plan on re-arranging the house and getting rid of the monster desk I have now. That's a pretty big ticket item though.

For the last couple of years I've gotten myself something like a new tie which is more budget appropriate. We do tend to have a rather modest Christmas budget by comparison.

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S24 has continued to be quite cheerful. He actually sat down with me in the kitchen last night and we had a nice visit. When he came home a few minutes ago he was also cheerful and complimented my stew that has been bubbling all afternoon. Sad in some ways that it makes me suspicious. He did seem pleased that I have moved some of the presents to under the tree today including some that I wrapped at lunch-time.

I still have one or two to get for him. I'm thinking about getting him an Instant Pot since he likes to cook but am unsure. The challenge is that he likes to cook but not clean Giving him something that would be a pain for me to clean is counter-productive.

I do hate that him being cheerful makes me suspicious. But it is what it is.

Ah well - the servers came up a couple of hours ago and I've tidied up much of the related mess. Company Christmas lunch at the sales and marketing office tomorrow and then finally the weekend.

There was I thought one or other things I wanted to ramble on about but don't recall them - perhaps I'll remember this weekend. Time for me to hit the POST button and have myself a bowl of stew.

[doodler]

I am working through what to do for myself for Christmas Eve and Day. I'm thinking sappy movies, a bit of wine and egg-nog, good book, naps.

P, Andrew P,

I have a Christmas Eve movie recommendation, and it's not a Bond flick. If you haven't seen "Arrival" then you should give it a try. If you're into linguistics and interesting concepts, then it's your cup of tea.

Speaking of linguistics and "Arrival," just the other day I had a strong hankering for a good taco or two. (A real taco, not a Taco Bell taco.) Then suddenly, I began to have a vision; a word was forming in my mind. It was as if the word was coming out of a fog. I couldn't really make out any of the letters, but I think the first letter was a "C" or maybe a "G." I had a strong sense that it was a woman's name...

I'm reading your mind right now. The answer is yes, I'm like a very bad rash that just won't go away.

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Since we're discussing linguistics, I've noticed that you Canadians seem to follow the British rules of grammar rather than the American rules of grammar. (Yes, that American thing is a backhanded comment.) The Brits leave their commas and periods outside of quotes and it literally drives me insane. What do the Brits know about English?

This is direct from the Grammar Girl:

The most common question people ask about quotation marks is whether periods and commas go inside or outside, and the answer depends on where your audience lives because in American English we always put periods and commas inside quotation marks, but in British English periods and commas can go inside or outside (kind of like the American rules for question marks and exclamation points). I use this memory trick: Inside the US, inside the quotation marks. Here are some examples:

“Don’t underestimate me,” she said with a disarmingly friendly smile.

I can never remember how to spell “bureaucracy.”

Don’t get confused when you see this handled differently in The Economist or on the BBC website; just remember that it’s different in those publications because the British do it differently.

Compositors -- people who layout printed material with type -- made the original rule that placed periods and commas inside quotation marks to protect the small metal pieces of type from breaking off the end of the sentence. The quotation marks protected the commas and periods. In the early 1900s, it appears that the Fowler brothers (who wrote a famous British style guide called The King’s English) began lobbying to make the rules more about logic and less about the mechanics of typesetting. They won the British battle, but Americans didn’t adopt the change. That’s why we have different styles.

So, I have to ask you, why would anyone base the rules of grammar and punctuation on logic?

[Coconut]

Can't believe I've never read your thread before, I guess we just tend to stick with the same threads. But anyway, I just wanted to say you write very well, I enjoyed reading about your daily interactions with your townsfolk, by the way you describe your town, I picture the Truman show in my head, where everyone either waves or stops to chat with each other.

As for the insta-pot, just wanted to let you know that it is the easiest cooking method to clean up, nothing seems to stick to the pot. It's great for quick meals (can cook a pot roast in like 2 hrs), I tend to stock up on protein when stores have it on sale, and the thing is great at cooking from frozen. Frozen lobster tail takes 6 mins, about the same for crab legs, and a whole chicken from frozen in less than an hour (all these times do not account for the 15 or so minutes for it to pressurize and any time you let it naturally aspirate after the cook if you don't pressure release)

oh, going with doodler's vision of a C, tacos de Cazuela?

[Dawn70]

I so enjoy your posts. I get kind of long-winded when I post and I appreciate that there is someone else around here who does the same, even if I do have to work around that pesky British spelling of words like "centre". I love your idea of sappy movies on Christmas day. I have a ton of sappy Hallmark Christmas movies saved on my DVR and though I couldn't get into them last week while I was sick, I have started watching them again this week and I'm loving them. Sure, it is basically one plot stretched across thousands of movies. They are very formulaic, but there is something sweet and comforting about that to me, for some reason. I haven't quite convinced Sparky to watch one with me yet and he keeps teasing me that his idea of a Christmas movie is "Die Hard", but I'm going to wear him down yet.

As far as the InstaPot for S24, I think it is a great idea. While I don't have one, I'm thinking seriously of investing in one after the 1st of the year, as it would be nice to have, especially once Sparky and I get married and I'm cooking for 2 all the time. I get home from work at 4:00 and could have supper ready by 5:00 or shortly thereafter, depending on the specific meal. Since I don't have one, I can't speak to the ease of cleaning, but I have heard similar reports from those I know who own them, as Coconut said above, that they are very easy to clean. He needs to be doing the cleaning, though...not you. He's old enough to know that is part of cooking. (Says the woman who just yesterday posted about how her teenage daughters were supposed to cook and clean up once a week, but she always ended up cleaning up after them.)

Enjoy your Christmas party and your weekend!

[AndrewP]

If you haven't seen "Arrival" then you should give it a try. If you're into linguistics and interesting concepts, then it's your cup of tea.

I do quite like tea. I checked the premise of the movie. Certainly interesting but not sure it's something I'll watch. I do like intellectual movies but I also like the ones where I can just be entertained and my emotions are played like a glass harmonium. I may re-watch 2001 A Space Odyssey. And perhaps also O Brother - which was based on the saga of Odysseus and has some amazing performances.

just the other day I had a strong hankering for a good taco or two. (A real taco, not a Taco Bell taco.)

Over on J9's thread there was a large discussion of tacos. I didn't have the heart to suggest a Turkish Taco.

I'm reading your mind right now. The answer is yes, I'm like a very bad rash that just won't go away.

I've actually had a bit of a rash in a delicate area for a while now. Glad to know you are the cause. Now to figure out the cure

What do the Brits know about English?

It's called "The Queen's English" for a good reason. "The Doodler's English" is not canon.

Can't believe I've never read your thread before, I guess we just tend to stick with the same threads. But anyway, I just wanted to say you write very well, I enjoyed reading about your daily interactions with your townsfolk, by the way you describe your town, I picture the Truman show in my head, where everyone either waves or stops to chat with each other

Hey there C'Nut! We have some facebook friends in common. You were part of the same cohort in here as I was but took a very different path. I've not had much to contribute to your story and you were in and out relatively quickly. This probably won't be censored, but my son's name actually is Trueman - not from the show but from his maternal great-grandfather. When he was active in kick-boxing (silver medalist Provincially) he was The Trumanator!

Yes, small town living is very nice. Rather like Mayberry with the neighbours growing pot as well as apples. We moved here to the area I grew up in from Toronto shortly after we were married. It was a great place to raise my family and I love it still. To me, this is the best place on the entire planet but I'm sure we all feel that way about places we love.

I so enjoy your posts. I get kind of long-winded when I post and I appreciate that there is someone else around here who does the same, even if I do have to work around that pesky British spelling of words like "centre".

Awe thanks Dawn. If you send me an invitation to your wedding I'll try to get a date. You'll know me because I'll be the only person other than Sparky wearing a bow tie If doodler will be my date we'll have to make sure that my tie matches his pumps.

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Not too much to report in the last couple of days.

On Friday night I had yet another hyper-realistic dream about my ex. In this case she was being all friendly and returning some things that she had taken out of the house - kids crafts - suggesting that my new girlfriend's daughter could use them. And then getting upset when I commented that my girlfriend's daughter was 26 (not sure where that came from).

The company Christmas party was good. I was pretty quiet there (unusually for me) and enjoyed listening to people talk about some of the issues that are facing our Plastics business going forward. The presidents of the two divisions (Plastics and Sulphur) were seated by my boss and I over-heard a bit of conversation. It was made pretty plain by my boss that he didn't really care where I spent my efforts which encouraged the Sulphuric Acid president to push for me to be more involved in his plant.

I did joke with one of our sales people across the table that I should enable my dating profile and highlight my pies and cookies which gave us a bit of a laugh. Later it was interesting that the head of HR who was at that end of the table and who has referred to her "boyfriend" in the past - seemed to want to know when next we would be at the same plant.

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Today has been quite busy as is usual for a Saturday

Made more-so by the fact that S24 wanted to do the erranding with me. He needed new work pants which we included in our rounds. He was quite chatty with the relatively new teller at the bank and seemed blase about my question of whether she was single or not. We both agreed that she is quite nice.

We did have a bit of a sour tone when I made a comment in the car that yes - I am lonely - and that he is a bit of a "Polka-Roo" - not very visible and not regularly. I think that the fact that I am lonely had more impact than his perhaps absence from my day-to-day life.

At the flower shop FSL unexpectedly happened to be working and seemed pleased both to see me and also with the fact that I left it in her hands as to what flowers I would take home. I got red roses (my usual) as she said that the white ones were too boring. S24 didn't go in, grabbing some take-away from a shop close by instead. He was legitimately very hungry and also probably legitimately not interested in my love-life.

He does seem to be interested / somewhat excited by the approach of Christmas. We have lots of plans, adapted because he's seeing his mother. I could perhaps be surprised that he didn't go clothes shopping with her as it would be more convenient but I'm not surprised. I'm the parent d'jour and part of the rhythm that he's used to.

And doodler - for some reason while writing this, I was reminded of the "classic" cartoon - Yvon of the Yukon - very much non-cerebral.

There are times that I wonder if S24 thinks of a "parent trap" ending between his mother and I. I am very confident that he's a conduit of information. I did tell him that I have no secrets and expect him to know that I am a man of my word. And really there is nothing that I am reluctant to have his mother hear about my life.

I think I've got Christmas Eve / Day figured out and negotiated with S24. I need to confirm with D26 but her H is recently back on shore so I'll wait a few days. They were off to Williamsburg today I saw re-doing some of the things that she and I did together.

I did do some "creeping" on the information available on the lady I met last week who runs the gift shop around the corner (GSL?). She's been very active in charitable issues around homelessness. She has a business that appears to be manufacturing / distributing make-up products which explains why she is flexible about where she lives etc. My friends at the cafe seem to like her and she has a particular brand of coffee that they have ordered in for her. I was thinking that tomorrow I might take her across a cup when I head out for my walk / bowl of soup as I am sure that she is quite busy in her shop.

[DnJ]

Andrew - Watch the movie Arrival. Your emotions will be moved. It is a great movie.

Doodler and DnJ suggested, can’t get a much better plug than that.

[Ginger1]

You know, I was 17 when my parents split and a senior in high school. My mother completely lost it. A bipolar recover drug addict completely lost it when her husband left her. My mother put me in the middle until she died when I was 21. I was her conduit for information and when she did get it, she got so angry and took it out on me.

You are absolutely nothing like that. My mother was a very special case with lots of variables thrown in.

But I didn’t want to be in the middle at all. I didn’t want to alter either parent of what the other was up to. I wanted to be Switzerland. I didn’t get that opportunity. Let them live their lives and let me live mine.

So, honestly, if he feels that pressure sometimes, he’s going to keep distant . He wants to avoid that as much as he can and have his individual relationships with each of you as an adult with no pressure. It’s the best gift you can give him. I do understand at this point he is just about the only glimpse you have into her life at all. But you don’t need that glimpse. If she wants to show you something, she will, on her own accord.

[AndrewP]

Hi there Ginger1. Just to clarify, S24 tells me nothing about his mother nor what she's up to and actually avoids mentioning her. He knows that it hurts. I also expect that he's been told not to tell me anything.

On the other hand we know for a fact that he has funneled information the other way in the past and undoubtedly still does. I did tell him early on that I have no secrets from anyone and that's not changed. Does this bother him? No way of knowing.

What little intel I do get is from relatives who are still in contact with my ex but other than her trip to see D26 in the fall there has been absolutely nothing. She stopped posting on social media pretty much too. Certainly nothing since the late summer when she posted a picture of a bottle of wine and a book on her deck. And that was the first in a long time. Prior to that there was a bunch of "stop judging me" type posts.

Until she left she posted even more than me.

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Just wanted to touch on a WTF moment from yesterday. While we were grocery shopping we ran in to an old friend of his and the former roommate of "20 something". Well 20S left behind a large amount of her stuff including furniture when she moved out and in with the current boyfriend. I'd offered to store it if she would let me use it. Hey - free furniture for my guest room. Since 20S is a bit of a bubble-head it's still in her old apartment many months later. My son and his friend were talking about the logistics of moving it from there to here and so I asked - "do either of you know someone with a truck"? (punctuation outside quotes :P ) and got a blank look from both of them and they knew nobody. Which is odd because the OM has both a personal truck and a fleet of trucks. I think my son honestly didn't consider that. I let it drop and didn't mention it myself for reasons that should be obvious.

I was also annoyed with him because there is a particular flavour of Christmas ice cream that he, his sister and mother adore. So - I went out of my way to another store with him to pick up a tub for his own use (I don't like it). He grabbed it, we went to the cash, he put it on the conveyor and then watched me pay for it. Really? I didn't bother suggesting he pay but he didn't appear to even consider that some groceries that were the only thing being paid for could in fact have been paid for by him.

Sigh.

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Now the real reason I've interrupted my ironing. I DID IT! After my walk this morning I went in to the cafe, got a take-away coffee of the special sort that GSL (Gift Shop Lady) likes and dropped it off to her. She was indeed busy in her shop and I had to wait to hand it over which I did with a quick "I thought you'd be busy so I got you your coffee". She seemed quite pleased and since she was busy I beat a retreat while she was going on to the customer she was serving on how nice that was to get coffee.

Since my friend at the cafe knew who the coffee was for and since GSL gets that coffee from there, the connections can be made if they are going to be. I suspect that my friend at the cafe will be more than happy to facilitate and to satisfy any questions that may come up.

And yes - I was indeed actually sweating when I did that. Hopefully in an attractive manly fashion.

High 5s are now in order I believe

I did tipsy text CL last night suggesting that I expected her to be busy between now and the New Year. 12 hours later - in fact as I was finishing this post - a response that yep - she's expecting to be busy.

Steak is out for Sunday supper. The sun is so nice today that I've opened up my enclosed front porch and am getting lots of free heat into the house.