I see the collapse is when you don't care if it collapses and want it to because you have yourself in a new mental/emotional state that you want to build the tower again and do it right. Right now you are duct taping the jenga together in fear of a collapse and its not a good way to play the game.
If that makes sense.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Lost8 that does make sense. But say if the tower does collapse and I want to build a new one, but WAS gives up and wants nothing to do with it, what can be done about that? I’m all for starting a brand new relationship but if this time really is different and she never wants to give it a shot then not much I can do... I really hope she comes around but I don’t feel very confident this time.
you can't control whether she wants to rebuilds it with you or not. The point is that you may be starting over with or without her but you have to get to that point in your head and heart. Of course you want to build a new one but that is better than watching the old tower teeter and fear it collapsing and what your next move is while life around you moves on. The idea is the next time regardless you will build the tower and use some glue so it doesn't fall as easily and it might be with her but you will have learned from the past. You won't get there unless you completely drop the rope.
I've been there and I felt like I was going crazy, I have wasted the last 7 months of my life not just mine but part of my kids as well and I won't do it anymore.
Last edited by lost8; 12/14/1802:02 PM.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Thank you for explaining that. I was at that point about 2 months ago, before she started coming around. This time it stings even more then BD. I know that I need to get to that point again where I was 2 months ago. I just need to find a way to build myself up again and it feels harder this time but I have to do it.
Oh yeah its hard, my WW went from working out of the house to working at home last month. Now she never leaves the house and has been pursuing me. You say that's great right? But she still says she wants her independence and to stop sweating her when she does occasionally go out. I broke free of my NG syndrome to an extent a few months ago and don't care where she goes anymore and lose no sleep over it. I am still cordial at home like everyone says the way I would be with a cashier at a store. I want a civil home for my kids. I have my own independence now because I am not worried about catering to my W whether she is a WW or not at this point. I feel like she has come back to me but 98% is all words and very little action so I would not even consider any R talks or if I even want R.
Again I didn't wait for the tower to collapse, I kicked it over and she sees that I did that. I am already rebuilding another one and she either joins in or not.
What did Morgan Freeman say in Shawshank Redemption....get busy living or get busy dying. If you don't let go you are slowly dying.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Good job on that, it must be even harder living with her and not caring, I don’t think I could do it. At least in my case I have no idea what she’s doing so it’s a a little easier, so again good job!! I know it’s not easy!
I think my frustration with myself is that she was coming around, and I didn’t care at all at first. I screwed up, I was in a great position and blew it. And it was most likely my last shot at making this work which makes it even harder to accept. I need to get into the state of mind that you are in!
I don't look at the tower collapsing as getting a D, I see it as you being ready to move on from her so that you can live your best life.
I look at that as the LBS deciding to knock the tower over. Most come here hoping to find a way to avoid the tower collapsing, but many get to this point.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I guess different interpretations...I see the tower being a symbol of the sitch and there are no more blocks to pull, you can struggle and pursue and force yourself to wish to remove another block to not upset the tower to appease the game. Or you can decide to build a better tower a better man that can't fall.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
btw Steve is always spot on I just think we are looking at the representation of the tower differently. The current tower cannot survive it must be rebuilt, the old R is gone and if we continue to pull blocks it will fall. A healthy R is needs to be built and no blocks are required to be pulled.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
