Thanks. I dont think she will be expecting my custody request but I will sweeten the deal with a few extras. The restraining order will have her fly off the rails, (controlling, trying to ruin her life etc...) so I need to be prepared for that.
Things still the same. She tried to throw some daggers at me and I shut it down immediately. She is insistent on divorce and wants out ASAP. However she refuses to lower price of house in order to do it. She doesn't want too much debt afterward but wants to end the M now. I told her that her actions have consequences and she can't have it both ways. Now, instead of working she wants to go back to school. She tried to get me to discuss details of the D but I refused. She was adamant we discuss things because she cannot afford to use attorney too much. I still refused to discuss anything with her. I do not trust her. I don't want to go to court but it may end up in mediation. We did both agree to wait until after the holidays before pulling the trigger.
I am in the same boat Hamburg. Deferred everything until after the holidays. Yes...hard times are ahead. Hoping I can be detached enough by then to handle things well. Hope things go better than you are anticipating.
smart to wait till after the holidays The process of divorce is heated and painful No One is really happy except probably the L but Once everything is over and finalized, it is a whole lot less stressful
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
You are wise in not discussing divorce and the details, i.e., especially w/the holidays just around the corner. Well, she will need to make up her mind on working/college. You may end up having to support her while she's working, but there shouldn't be a problem with her having a part time job and going to school. You will need to check out what your responsibility in the way of funding if she opts to take the school route.
I am so sorry you are having to deal w/this. It's never easy when a spouse is confused and doesn't know what he/she wants to do.
I do agree w/Peace, once the divorce is finalized and the dust has settled, a huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
This is the first time I've heard of school. She has a bachelor's degree and is employable now, but out of the workforce 8 years. Luckily it is difficult to get spousal support in my state but I'm not sure if she is trying to pull a fast one here.
I might be wrong, but I think your wife is just a confused individual right now. If she has a lawyer, she may not be telling him/her everything, i.e., degree, etc. Eight years isn't all that long to be out of the work force. She better start looking and soon as a judge would advise her to get her ducks in a row and plan out how she's planning to support herself once a divorce goes through.
Stay the course. I think you are doing fine.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I wonder if many of them really think too much about what the future holds- many will accept very little to be free to pursue their new life
MY XH left the state and pretty much signed everything of monetary value to me and kids-
He chose to move and Marry OW and go to her small hometown in the mw and start totally over with nothing except his car and some clothes--leaving our business to me-He was president of his business and became a store clerk in his new town-
Only time will tell will direction she may go and even though she pursues school that is no guarantee that she will land or keep a job But I believe many MLCers follow a script especially if they were poor in childhood- MY XH was- they choose poor--
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Not poor. In fact she was pretty well off. She was emotionally abandoned at age 3 by her mom though. Several abusive marriages followed. Her dad was her stable rock. She has always said how she didn't want to repeat that cycle. OM in my situation is dangerous. I have to protect my kids (through the courts) and myself. I have purchased a body camera and already own several firearms. W does not have the combo to the safe.
She has been rather hostile lately. I have been calm and cordial but am absolutely not letting her throw daggers my way or talk back to me.
