When a girl reaches out to you assume she wants to see you. Hey OL girl it was great to hear from you, I would love to see you when are you free to get together? When she gives you her availability make a date or great why don't you pick up a bottle of wine and come to my house and we'll make dinner together.
Be a man be direct and make a date.
I don't at all disagree with you - I'm just not feeling it. To be honest, I am just not feeling anyone it seems - at least sort of. Part of me feels like I'm getting back to where I was when I finally gave up dating for awhile two years ago. I had just had enough and was not attracted to pretty much anyone I was meeting. I took a break then started dating again about six months later. It was then the beginning of this year where I stepped up my dating game due in part, perhaps large part, for needing a date for that cruise.
I talked with online girl again this past weekend briefly. Her S17 did a discovery flight and signed up to start taking flying lessons. Being a pilot myself since 1991, I wanted to see how it went so I gave her a quick call. Kinda of the same drill, drama and busy, was just taking a nap - though she did answer the phone. Then again, I can't hardly blame her as I can only imagine what it's like to try to raise two teens, have S25 move back after a suicide attempt and then start a new job working midnight to 8 AM five nights a week - then switch back to "real life" again for the weekend - only to go back to overnights again. Has to be brutal. I may - I stress may - see if she wants to get together for Christmas here - drinks or music or sight seeing lights or something. Will see if I'm "feeling it" If she is still "too busy" or "too tired" or too whatever, I won't bother. Then again, I was already there once when she reached out to me - which is what prompted your comment.
Talked with my friend who really wants me to meet the college dean lady. Sadly she is still dating "Bob" whomever that is. The story goes, she really was not looking to date and does not want an R but somehow crossed paths with this Bob guy a month or two ago and they went out and are now doing some dating. My take was, well if she doesn't want serious, why not date other guys as well? My other comment was if she's falling for the first guy she dates and is already getting serious she was not for me anyhow. Just not my type - especially 6 months after a 25 year marriage ends. You know what does bother me about this??? the fact that it doesn't really bother me. It's like more parr for the course - of course someone who looks great on paper won't become a reality - that's pretty much life. We'll see if my friend creates an opportunity for us to meet or not - sadly I'm not even caring at this point.
The long awaited cruise is now 5 weeks from tomorrow (well 5 weeks from Saturday but we will gather Thursday night for a 6 AM flight Friday). This really went pretty much EXACTLY like I wanted it to go. I didn't look back but I'm willing to bet you could find posts from me back in March/April saying I was hesitant to have to date someone all the way through and how it would be nice if I could meet someone who was fun but even if we didn't hang out much we'd still do great and just go on the cruise. Well I got it nearly item for item - only now I am not wanting it. She's been more open and reaching out - especially now that items are coming up, paperwork is arriving, luggage tags, plans, etc. And I can't say she's done anything wrong. Who knows, maybe it's all for the best as we didn't risk getting in a fight or whatever and are now both looking forward to seeing each other again - or so it seems. Again, more truth, I really have not asked her out in I'll bet a couple of months. I was sick of hearing how busy she is so I just stopped. So that part is on me.
So, I'm a bit resentful, yet, I am getting more excited too and trying just to shrug off the resentment as she's done nothing wrong - I could full well have told her I'm taking someone else. That was my choice. I'm a bit apprehensive in spending 11 days and 10 nights in a row with the same woman. I've not done that since my D 12 years ago. Neither has she I'm pretty sure since her D 9 years ago. I'm sure we'll be fine - or at least I'm highly confident. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. I certainly don't want to get into an argument or debate about it when I next see her so my plan is to just enjoy it and we'll see how things end.
Get the feeling I would not have been happy no matter how things had gone? Yeah, I'm still kinda dark and down - you can probably tell that from my writing. Although, not significantly, just more than I was 6 months ago. I'm pretty sure everything will fall into place. And I'm positive it could most certainly be worse...
I'll end with this final irony. So I was the guy first worried I'd not find someone I want to take and then later that Wild Girl would back out on me. So what actually might happen, the 2 year GF of the drummer may be (should be) kicking is arse to the curb. Long story but he met up with his ex GF for the third time (that is known) this weekend and for the third time his GF found out about it. Why she is putting up with this is again another story for another time. But would that not be ironic if he's the 7th, 9th, 11th, 13th wheel rather than me? Then again, we've not left yet. A lot could happen in five weeks LOL.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Dude, you sound depressed to me. AS it's winter time - do you have a history of getting the winter blues? Should you be taking vitamin D, using a light box? Both are great for seasonal depression.
I think you'll have a fine time on the cruise, just make sure to get enough alone time if you can.
And I'll reiterate - I think the real reason why you are feeling this way is because you started to WANT something, and since that didn't quite materialize, you're back in a slump of thinking you don't need it anyway.
Yes, dating is work but you do have a lot to offer the right woman, and you seem to enjoy the company of a woman. Don't give up so easily.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I really don't think so - and while I don't have much of a history of depression, I believe I have had it twice in my life, used medication for like six months once, and I can tell you that how I feel now is not even close to how I felt back then. I'm more indifferent than anything. It's not like it was back then when I really had no ambition to do anything, could not get work done, slept a lot, watched lots and lots and lots of TV in my PJs, etc. That's not at all where I am.
Originally Posted by kml
And I'll reiterate - I think the real reason why you are feeling this way is because you started to WANT something, and since that didn't quite materialize, you're back in a slump of thinking you don't need it anyway.
I don't disagree although the slump is more like I felt a couple of years ago before "giving up" when I figured if I'm going to get the same end result anyhow - being by myself - why go through all the pain to get the same result? At least I was no longer feeling crappy from all of the failed attempts. But this is somewhat different as I was having a lot more fun - even though I knew it would never lead to anything significant. I was just thinking about this a couple of days ago - how this time I had a lot of fun and felt pretty darn good for over three months, but now I feel kinda crappy. So is/was it worth it?
I'm still optimistic we'll have a great time on the cruise. It's just a bit odd that I'm going to be with someone for 10 days straight who I have not seen in nearly three months and only talk to now and then. I mean going on even a short vacation for the first time with someone can really be challenging - and telling. It just seems so odd to be distant now and then sleeping in the same bed for 10 days.
I'm also fighting to not become resentful about it. It was totally my choice to ask her and to stick with it even after she started to become distant, but another part of me is like, c'mon I'm taking you on a bigger vacation than you've been on in many years and this is how you act? Even though I know it won't matter when we are together and it will likely be the same as it was this summer where we just have this natural connection, I'm fighting to not feel used - even though I really don't think I am being used, but the feeling is still there.
Originally Posted by kml
Yes, dating is work but you do have a lot to offer the right woman, and you seem to enjoy the company of a woman. Don't give up so easily.
Again, I know you are right - about dating being work and not giving up so easily at least. Right or wrong/good or bad, I'm just not used to failure and I guess I don't take it well. I'm used to success everything I do and most of those things have been extremely successful and comes very easy to me. Relationships never have - well not as easy as everything else. I'm just frustrated and like I said, almost feeling indifferent - like whatever, I just don't care, it's just not worth it. I feel like I can't win.
Enough of that... On a far better note, even though I woke up with the same indifference, my phone seemed to be blowing up this AM - what the h%ll is going on with all of these SPAM and robo calls. My Lord. Anyhow, I let a real call go to voice mail and it turned out to be a call for another trip. Honestly, these things like the cruise next month do not come up that much yet here's another one - this time to Europe for a week in April. Same deal as the cruise - EXCEPT ----- before long time readers scream "Oh no, not this again," I do not have to nor get to bring a date. LOL So everyone, including myself, can breathe a sigh of relief - we all won't have to go through the Don needs a date for a vacation saga again. And this is not a cruise nor is it like the couples vibe that the cruise will be - I'll be more than comfortable going without a date as that will be the case of most or at least many of the dozen or so other musicians being hired to go. I've never been to Europe and have always wanted to go. This same promoter from the Netherlands tried to get me and others to do something like this right after my D. Sadly it fell through right after my passport arrived. It's not a done deal yet but it looks promising and I should know in a few weeks. I can't tell you how relieved I am that they are not offering for me to bring a guest - how F'd up is that LMAO!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Wow, I kinda didn't see this one coming. Perhaps given my less than standard happiness baseline lately I should have. Christmas for a while now has neither been great nor terrible. I don't typically get the "Christmas Blues" or anything but it's also not like it used to be - perhaps that's mostly what I think I'm feeling, but, this Christmas kinda stunk.
It started out interesting enough when I got a text out of the blue from, let's call her Swedish Goddess. LOL. I'm calling her that, not so much because she is, but she has a not too typical first name and when I mentioned this to a friend two years ago, my friend said, "oohh like a Swedish swimsuit model's name." So I went with it.
Swedish Goddess is a strange story in itself. Not sure if I've told it here or not, but four years ago this pretty, classy, well-dressed, thick - let's call her voluptuous - woman showed up in church by herself on Christmas Eve and needed a seat. Had I been a little bit quicker she could have sat next to me but ended up directly in front of me. We chatted just a tiny bit but when I left, for some reason I thought I'd look her up. Having such a unique name (I got it off her communion card), she was easy to find and I sent her a Facebook message. Back then, it was difficult at best to message someone you were not friends with. I never heard back - and didn't think I would. I just said something like "You sat one pew too far forward in church. Just Sayin. - Don't panic, a friend gave me your name. Have a Merry Christmas!"
Anyhow, never heard anything until just about two years later - which would also be two years ago - when out of the blue she saw the message and responded. We chatted a little but never met up. So here we are four years from then and two years later and what do you think happens? LOL Life, I swear. Yep, got another message from her saying she was going to be at church with her family Christmas Eve. She's now 44 (she was 40 when I first met her). We both were not sure we were looking at the right person but after our eyes met for a good long time, I got up and walked up to her. I sat and chatted with her prior to the service and then again a little bit afterwards. She said I could have sat with her and her family for the service, but I was leaving my family and I, don't know, it just felt a bit odd, so she said we'd meet up after the service. It was very busy with everyone leaving but we did hug and talk for a minute. We agreed we'd keep in touch. She does not regularly attend my church (but then again neither do I) although her parents are very involved.
Again, this was Christmas Eve. So on Christmas Day, my mom says, "Who were you talking with at church." Hmmmmmm, so how do I answer this to my 80 year old mother. I explained it and who she was including former neighbors of my SIL's parents - to which my dad says, "are you talking about" and names Swedish Goddess' father. "We go to breakfast with them all of the time, we've been friends with them for years, how do you know their daughter?" OMG, the things I get myself into. So I guess our family's have long been friends - although I had zero clue. I don't think she has either. I'm going to relay this info to her next time we talk.
So will I ask her out.... Hmmmmmmmmmm not sure. She's my type, looks-wise, but then again not. It would really come down to our connection which I didn't feel a huge one - but c'mon it was like 10 or 15 minutes chatting in church prior to Christmas Eve service so I'm not sure how much I'll have or feel. She was rather friendly, very nice smile, certainly nice family. She was D'd I think 7 or 8 years ago. No kids. No boyfriend that I can tell from social media. While if timing worked I'd ask her out, part of me would rather wait until after the cruise because even though Wild Girl and I are not likely to continue more than a FWB after it's done, I don't know for certain what will happen, but I do know there will be lots of Facebook pictures given all of my friends being along. I know we'll get posted and tagged even if I don't do it. And how would I explain Wild Girl to the Swedish Goddess? I think what I'll do is play it by ear. My thought is, after relaying our parents already hang out, that we should just go have some fun together see how it goes - and whatever happens happens. It's just interesting how, the meh feeling I've got with her is often the same meh feeling I get and have gotten with many others. I'll be pushing myself to ask her out - I can feel it. but with little exceptions, that's often the case. Does this all make sense or is this just me being quirky?
Okay, back to Christmas - re-meeting Swedish Goddess four years later really was the highlight. Went for dinner with just my parents this year as things were changed substantially. Then our traditional larger gathering starting in the afternoon on Christmas Day and going into the evening turned into a 10:30 "brunch" and everyone had to leave by 1:30. It didn't even feel like Christmas. One of my nieces is headed to New York City for a bowl game (she's in the marching band) and the other had to return a state away for two days of work - together and Thursday. So this forced the change.
Add to that, my mom is really showing her age. She will be 81 in a few weeks. Thankfully my dad is doing beyond great and is able to take care of her, but she is just barely able to get around and now we are seeing dementia signs just starting. I've noticed it a bit before but never really keyed in on it. I'm really seeing it now. She seems to have gone from a senior - to a really old gramma very quickly.
So I was back home by 2 PM on Christmas Day - about the time I'd be getting ready to leave. It's not like I didn't know although even what I did know kept getting pushed up. It was first going to be a noon start so they could be gone by 4 or 5. That later morphed into 10:30 AM and gone by 1:30. It made me think, what will it be like when my parents are gone? I will confess I was not hugely a big Christmas guy before either but now when I look back and the kids waking me up early Christmas morning and going to my Ex W's family and having people over and a Christmas tree, etc. it's like where did that life go? I'm so thankful I had it but now it's no longer here. Life keeps going so so so fast. While I'm still about 30 in my head and often act it (as some of you here well know) everything happening around me tells me life is going quickly and I'm not 30, I really am 55.
Oh and I think I've mentioned here how I've had several friends with lung cancer - a good friend died of it nearly a year ago after only 10 weeks. I was thinking of another long time friend, never smoked a single anything who had stage 4. I last saw her in October and she was still doing okay. I was thinking how now coming up on entering her 3rd year she really had beat the odds. I received word she died this morning. Wonderful, very fun lady, a couple years older than me. We met when I was 15 I think. Beautiful woman - very married. Sometimes life really is not fair.
Good Lord, now I'm depressing myself. LOL. Thankfully things will get busier for me now. Two gigs this weekend and then two gigs on NYE - one in the afternoon and one at night. Just found out our flights got changed for the cruise - as often happens. Same departure time just didn't connection city. It said 23 days until departure. Wow, 23 days until the cruise and whatever all that brings to my life. And no, I did not hear from Wild Girl over the holidays.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Whoops... "Very married" should have been NEVER married.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I'm going to Vegas for a couple of days with CMM, just to get away - there's a real feeling of our time together is limited, we should go while he still can.
You said Wild Girl didn't contact you over Xmas, did you contact her?
as for Swedish Goddess - I'd just keep in casual contact but be "too busy" to go on a date until after the cruise.
And I hear you on the Xmas stuff - I'm lucky in that since the divorce my ex and I just alternate Xmas eve versus Xmas day with the kids, but it's still disconcerting sometimes.
Here's to a fun cruise and maybe something with Swedish Goddess after you return.
I have this strong suspicion once this cruise is over and done with a weight will feel like it's off of you and you will feel free to just be again. I feel like this cruise and WG has taken over most of your year and all of your decisions have been made around it. Once that is gone, you are free to date who you want, when you want and not have to worry about keeping some sort of contact with WG, who has clearly gone super flaky.
I also think it might be wise for you to really recognize exactly what it is that you want (that is also obtainable and comes with some sacrifice) I think you want a real R. And for some reason you feel like there is shame in that. You want someone to think about you often, spend time with you, not have to chase them. A committed R where you guys have a good time, travel, go out, enjoy some good times. It's a totally cool and normal thing. It doesn't make you needy, it's the desire of most people.
Just think, we could've been cabin-mates. It would be like a long-long slumber party with just the two of us. We could've had matching thongs and gone shopping and all of that, but no...
See there, you're already feeling better. Happy New Year. And ummm...maybe next cruise?
