An old mindset for Burned. This is thread 8.

[burned]

And I'm assuming if she asks why I'm doing this, I say, "Because it's also my house and I like living there," as opposed to, "Because you slept with another man and now I DGAF about your preferences."

[Phoenix9]

And I'm assuming if she asks why I'm doing this, I say, "Because it's also my house and I like living there," as opposed to, "Because you slept with another man and now I DGAF about your preferences."

One is enforcing your boundaries and standing up for what is yours.

The other is spiteful and something someone with NGS would say. I should know. I'm a recovering NGS and came close to saying what you want to say about GAF of W's preferences.

The choice is obvious, don't you think?

[burned]

Yeah it was a rhetorical question. Not sure why I posted it.

Thing is, I haven't even said "no" to paying for the tires yet. Thinking about telling her I'm moving back in...I mean it's just outlandish. And still, deep down, it will be with an expectation, or to get a reaction. Aside from that it's just me showing myself that I can't be messed with, even by someone who has the power to scare the jeebies out of me.

I'll continue to sleep on it over the weekend.

[Twofeet]

Burned sleep on the house if you like, but I would be a little scared to share CC and joint accounts with W. I have heard the horror stories. A hard part for me and it sounds like others as well, is to get yourself out of the married mindset. Its not what is best for We or considering W on the matter. Its now about you! You obviously don't need to be a selfish jerk, but you need to be in the single person mindset. What is best for you and what protects your interests? No one is going to look out for you except, You!

[burned]

I hear ya. D books said close all joint accounts, too. Deal with dividing things later. She can go get her own CC.

Was hoping to avoid it as it will be one gigantic charlie foxtrot having to update all of my automatic payments. And I don't think removing her name will work because she still has the physical cards.

[burned]

What! She ran the card before I had a chance to say no. Urghhhh.

[Twofeet]

Every CC has a primary account holder and an authorized user. Make the phone calls. If you are the primary then pull her name off as the authorized user and get a new number and card issued to you. If she is the primary then get your name off her card and shred your card on her account. Get written confirmations of all of this from the CC company, preferably email.
Then once all that is done go take care of the automatic payments. Sure its a hassle, but the consequences are much worse than being inconvenienced for a day.

[burned]

Yeah I know. So that's what I'll do. Then everything I spend after that will be my debt, not "ours."

[EZdozit]

I delayed canceling 2 of our joint accounts and W put over $9k on one that I’m on the hook for.

When she found out I cancelled she reached out saying how I inconvenienced her and she had to “jump through hoops”

[burned]

Should I tell her that I'm doing this? And how do I say it?