Mama, words didn't get you into this and words won't get you out of. Of course things might change last minute, but don't count on it. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best, and focus on what you control to make your life better.
If BD feels just like yesterday I hope you will work on detachment and getting through some of this pain. Best of luck to you.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
(((Mama))) I know how you feel. I am sorry you are going through this. It is a pain that is like no other. It will get better with time. Focus on what you can control which is you. Your WAS feels driven to do what he is doing...as does mine. We are just dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s on our separation agreement. He is desperate to divorce me and move on to his new life with our kids in tow for 50% of it. I expect to be served with divorce papers in May as he wants to be dating by the summer. I assume he thinks he will have better luck if he can say he is divorced instead of separated. I cannot stand in his way. It s#cks beyond belief but it is what it is. I know you feel very alone right now but please remember that you are not. There are people in your life who care about you and people across the miles whom you have never met who care about you and know what you are going through. You can get through this as can I. We have no choice. I will be sending you positive healing thoughts on Monday. (((HUGS)))
We goto court Monday. I can’t believe it has come to this. Almost 8 months since BD and feels just like yesterday.
Do WAS ever change their minds last minute or at court?? I’m desperate and scared and there is NO part of me that wants a divorce. Is there anything I can say to him at this point to change things ???
Im sorry that you are hurting so badly. Keep your head up. Even of this is the end there is a wonderful man out there that wants nothing more than to treat you right and never hurt you.
I am an LBS that sees this for what it is. Its a blessing in disguise. I want nothing more than to get away from my WW. Shes a cold hearted cheater who broke my heart. Im piecing my heart back together. I have already experienced the fact that shes not the only woman on Earth and that there are any many others that would do nothing but treat me like I deserve.
You deserve so much better.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
So we had court Monday. I always anticipate the worst and it wasn’t as bad as expected. He did show up with a lawyer. Immediately we were told we couldn’t see a judge or be granted a divorce because both of us failed to do the required parenting class. He sed he looked online but “couldn’t find one that worked”. I’m very confused as his lawyer has been a divorce lawyer for 30 years wouldn’t he tell him this is a requirement to be granted divorce?? A small part of me is wondering if this was on purpose and he knew we couldn’t go through with it Monday?? We basically just came to an agreement on everything else and I will be selling our home . I’m a huge believer that everything happens for a reason. I went in Monday w the impression I would leave granted a divorce yet we are still very much married. I spoke to a mutual friend of ours and she said “I have a feeling this isn’t the end for you guys”. Just feels so permanent with me selling the house and moving on w the kids. We go back to court in April. Hope he will wake up before then and get the help he / we need!!! The mutual friend suggested starting off as friends w him and going out without the kids however he ignores me half the time and will NOT discuss us. So frustrating. We are filing taxes together next week. Would it be stupid for me to suggest lunch after ?
He won't "see the light"? He won't "get help"? Come on. He ignores you half the time and won't discuss "us"? Yet you keep trying?
Why are you expecting to hammer him to death to get what you want? Wouldn't you rather him choose you then you force him to be with you? Can you force him to be with you? If not, why try?
Why not detach, why not make your life better, why not stop putting all your eggs in his basket?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
So what's the number one rule in DB? Don't bring up R talks....
Mama your last post screams pressure. What happens when you feel under pressure? You balk....
You need to learn and practice the skills of drawing your WH in... Completely forget about dating he isn't even anywhere near that yet.
You need to move on and give that appearance. You need to act as if ---- and I know how hard that is. And, hello... be friendly especially for the kids but you are NOT his friend. You will not settle for bread crumbs. Draw your line and if he doesn't cut the mustard keep going forward. If he is going to get a clue if ever it will be because you are leaving him behind.... not kissing his behind.
He sed he looked online but “couldn’t find one that worked”. I’m very confused as his lawyer has been a divorce lawyer for 30 years wouldn’t he tell him this is a requirement to be granted divorce??
Apparently his L did tell him, why else would he have looked for it online.
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A small part of me is wondering if this was on purpose and he knew we couldn’t go through with it Monday??
I would imagine he's just being lazy. Doing the class will take some time and effort so he was hoping he could just show up, act stupid and get a free pass. He learned that rarely works in a court of law though.
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I spoke to a mutual friend of ours and she said “I have a feeling this isn’t the end for you guys”.
I had several friends tell me the same thing. I think it's just one of those things people tell you hoping to cheer you up.
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We go back to court in April. Hope he will wake up before then and get the help he / we need!!!
Realistically he's not going to change his mind in 2 months. A year or two from now, yes could very well be.
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The mutual friend suggested starting off as friends w him and going out without the kids
Absolutely not! Give him time and space. Remove all pressure.
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Would it be stupid for me to suggest lunch after ?
Not stupid, but to him it will look desperate so don't do it. No one is attracted to desperate, needy people. You've got to get your independence back before he'll start noticing you again.
Thanks for the advice everyone. Overnbw- logically you make complete sense. I understand. I have been desperate and nothing I have tried yet has worked. If this was my friend in this position I would tell her she’s crazy and to run far. I loved this man for so long and I just can’t turn the feelings off. However , I am very much so getting my own life. I did go on a dating app (although it’s way too soon) but I did go out w a guy and he turned out to be very nice and it’s just eye opening and a giant relief that their are men out there who will accept someone with little children and going through a divorce. I am looking forward to buying a new house , new car , planning vacations , and excelling in my career / working out. I’m not sitting at home crying over him like I was the first couple of months. I guess it was just hard expecting a divorce Monday and now it’s another two months of married limbo. It’s been 8 months total since BD and he hasn’t changed his behavior so not sure why I hold out hope. Maybe when I move and not live in the same city the reality might hit him a bit more.
Looking for advice. Haven’t posted in a while. He dropped bomb June 2018 and divorce official July 2019. I wanted NO part of divorce. This guy was the love of my life and he just up and left one day while I was pregnant!
We now live in separate houses and he sees our (4 and 2 year old) weekly. He has already dated multiple different women (none of them work out shocking! ). My question is he still turns to me / texts me when something big / troubling happens in his life. He’s Always bringing me coffee / breakfast when he picks up the kids or small gifts randomly. He refuses to speak about our marriage til this day and anytime I bring up anything to do with us or keeping our family together he shuts down or totally ignores me.
I just don’t know what to do. Its been 2 years and I miss him more than ever. I have tried dating but that just makes me miss him more. Why does he send me mixed messages but date other women?? All I want more than anything in this world is to reconcile and save our family but I don’t know where to start. It’s impossible communicating with him he has a giant wall up and acts like I’m the monster when he’s the one who left me pregnant and alone with a 2 year old. I’m struggling and feel like life won’t be “normal” again until we are living under the same roof and together.
I just can’t deal with the fact HE was the one who ended our marriage and broke up our family. I had no say in the matter. Now he’s dating all these women happy as can be living the “bachelor” lifestyle. How am I the one who is sad all the time , lonely , and raising our babies alone??
. I’m a huge believer that everything happens for a reason. I went in Monday w the impression I would leave granted a divorce yet we are still very much married. I spoke to a mutual friend of ours and she said “I have a feeling this isn’t the end for you guys”. Just feels so permanent with me selling the house and moving on w the kids. We go back to court in April. Hope he will wake up before then and get the help he / we need!!! The mutual friend suggested starting off as friends w him and going out without the kids however he ignores me half the time and will NOT discuss us. So frustrating. We are filing taxes together next week. Would it be stupid for me to suggest lunch after ?