ambivalent WW - detach? -- Part 3

[MoveFrwd]

1) so what are you doing about “being a dependent person”? How are you different now than you were a month ago when you joined?

2) you talk in deadlines like “too late”. There is NO WAY auto know. All you can do is change and see what happens. It may have been “too late” months ago. It may not be “too late” yet. Focus on YOU. What do you want your life to be? What values are important to you? Who do YOU want to be? What steps are ou going to take to become THAT person?

3) do you see the issue in your second to last paragraph? You say you need to GAL for you but don’t think it will make any difference.....how is that GAL for you...? Have you even tried GAL for you yet?

[burned]

I think my holdup is still what it was a month ago, when Steve said, "Too much focus on HER." You may have also said that.

It's what's making detachment hard. The feeling of loss. The thoughts of, "This would be more fun with her by my side" or "She used to tell me I should do this."

I guess a lot of my hobbies required a house and a garage. I'm going to have to find new stuff to do in an apartment. Thankfully it's a gigantic 2-bedroom apartment (all they had available) so I'll have an "indoor garage" maybe.

Getting a lot better at relating to people, being open, asking about them rather than focusing on me. Getting along MUCH better with my parents, who have turned into complete strangers in terms of how they are responding to my sitch. They rose to the occasion in a way that completely floored me.

Gonna have to accept that I feel like I've made progress but it's not what she wants and she doesn't love me anymore and isn't attracted to me and it suchs.

Maybe after I move and things are settled I can do more GAL and maybe that will help with detaching.

[neffer]

Never is too late FOR YOU man.

Face your fears and stand for yourself. You have the power to overcome whatever your sitch brings.
So use the DB tools and get into amoafwl (not the member...;-))

You can do it man

[burned]

Oh THAT'S what that stands for! "A man only a fool would leave." *ding*

[neffer]

Head shot! ;-)

[hoosjim]

Burned, i am looking at your story, but my time is limited, so may be a day or two before i get back to you. Keep up the fight!

[burned]

Thanks! And I'm working on patience, what's a day or two when I'm buckling down in preparation for a year or two?

[Did]

I have NGS and Steve said I was the worst. Read no more mr nice guy if you havent already... I only read a few pages of your sitch with limited time. But yo man stop giving her stuff! Let OM give her cars etc. Dont make payments for her... I understand youre on the mortgage so you have to pay that. Tell her you want all CC, separate finances as early as possible. I waited way too long with this. Take the security she gets being married to you if she is sleeping with OM especially a married guy.

You want respect back switch it up- 180... why does she get the house while you pay the mortgage? Tell her unless shes paying the mortgage she can live in the apt. Dont worry about her space for OM thats outside your control. I know how hard it is. When my W was with OM I had crazy anxiety, I was on sleeping pills, I knew when I had our daughter she was probably having sex with some dude. It [censored] but we cant control it. I recommend getting into some new hobbies, meditate, run, workout, fish whatever clear your head... therapy helps for sure. Having a non biased person to talk to.

My W left me she wanted the house I said um no you're leaving why would you get the house. She lived with her mom for a year. She didnt like me for it and we had almost no progress for that year. So maybe thats not the right move but the respect is key and it comes before attraction. Now I am paying support and shes in a $1325/mo rental, house has been sold and I purchased a smaller home. I screw up DBing all the time but gotta try our best right. At this point I'd focus on doing things that make you happy. Have fun GAL. And think of advice you would give someone else in regard to your decision making. Take emotion or fear out of it. Definitely do not pursue divorce, take away the free ride shes getting and she can pursue D if sh wants.

A lot of the time for me I have to do the opposite of what I want to do. I want to date my wife and treat her like any other woman but when I pull away she shows interest. Just have to be consistent about it. DB does work but its definitely not easy

[burned]

Good ol’ Mom. She’s “from the old country”:

“There is no ‘in the meantime,’ [burned]. [W] is not going to come back, certainly not to a depressed, half living man. You are ruining your life waiting for her. Work on creating a good life for yourself. Give your attention to work. Find activities that you like, photography, music, some physical work, conferences. Find a new job if you are tired of the clinic, in an area you would like to live. Ruminating day and night will not make you someone she wants to go back to. And, if she comes back, it will not be anytime soon. I know it’s not easy, but that’s where you can show your strength.”

Eat your vegetables and do your DB!

Steve, have you been emailing my mother? :P

[equalzr]

Your mom is a wise woman!

I wish i would have received this advice 1.5 yesrs ago.