Kiro - thanks for your posts - I'm far too attached - its early days; I'm much better when she is not around. Just to be clear, the only relationship I want is with my wife, nobody else. I'm merely questioning myself, as to how long I stand in the face of indisputable noise from her that she is done. We know this is MLC and its not to be believed, but it feels real to her.
I'm working on the target you described above.
I love to travel and have booked a few trips in the coming months; some alone and some with the kids. It gives me distance, freedom and the ability to think clearly. It also gives my wife the space she is asking for. My work has also talked about secondments abroad. It could be an opportunity, but then seeing my kids would be harder.
Thanks again Kiro - I think I need to breath and slow it down a little.
Personally, I wouldn't get a job abroad at this time. Your kids need you around although I can't remember how old they are.
In my situation, I found that these were not the right times to make such big decisions. My mind was not clear enough.
It's better to make small adjustments and move slowly. Going on short trips alone or with your kids is a great idea. Getting involved in a new activity. Making new friends. Etc. These are small things you can do to get your mind off your W and your M.
Read the detaching thread again and continue working on it. You will get there slowly. It gets better with time.
The only reason that people usually ask themselves how long they will stand is because they start to worry about life being too short and worry about missing out opportunities in life. Have faith. Don't let this fear take over your mind. Remember that the fear of aging and missing out is usually the main reason people fall in MLC in the first place. Don't got there. My 2 cents!
Wish you luck. Overall, you seem to be doing great and you seem to know what you need to do.
I just saw this quote (not sure who wrote it) and thought it applied to our situations:
"Keep your head high no matter what happens. You'll be alright. If the moment hurts, do not fall victim to its pain. Look ahead. Focus on what can be. Focus on dreams. You'll make it."
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
Kiro - your words ring true and are a great source of comfort - the best thing I can do is distract myself with activities that take my mind away from marriage and relationship issues;
My kids were a great source of fun and humour whilst away. definitely what I needed although the absence of my wife hurt at times; the triggers were seeing other families together.
I want to be around my kids and working abroad would make it impossible. It felt a form of escape when I read the email looking for volunteers but its not practical at the moment.
Its all so painful, but I'm doing ok - thanks guys. Your words are really appreciated.
Your wounds are quite raw and you will have many triggers that will send you spinning
So definitely no big decisions now
I vividly remember seeing intact families at church one Sunday and almost having a breakdown
And then I realized that there were actually a lot of dads without moms present
Definitely find safe ways to let those feelings out or they will eat you alive
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
It’s interesting because I actually feel happy when I see other families. What makes me sad is when I see so many divorced or separated people trying to ease their pains by jumping prematurely into new immature relationships.
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
I live in a big city and constantly see couples holding hands or happy together. I do get sad and jealous or wistful.
I am at this weird point of not being able to imagine any man wanting to be with his lady. I look at these couples and can't understand how it's possible.
Yes, it's a bit of PTSD.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Completed paperwork today. Emotional day with the reality of it all starting to bite.
Still a long way to go on the detachment side of things.
She remains emotionless, plain faced, uninterested, very distant and withdrawn.
I am the problem and she will be better off without me. Her words.
MLC or just the natural end of a relationship? She is done and finished. It follows the script.
Really sad.
Got lots coming up on the GAL front; learning new skills, making new friends, new activities. Enjoying my job. Very much taking the focus off her and concentrating on me and the kids, where ever I can.
Staying out of her way, keeping a low profile, avoiding conflict and being civil and kind.
Can’t do much else really. I often blame myself but it gets me nowhere.
The only hope I have now is the love I have left, but it’s hard, very hard. I don’t know how long the love will last.
Me: 40 W:39 T: 19 M: 12 D4, D7 EA/BD: August 2017 EA ended: Oct 2017 MC: Oct 2017 - March 2018 W signed lease: July 10, 2018 W moved out: Sept. 14, 2018
Your going through something similar to me. Together 23 years. W is MLC. Except she has no intentions of leaving until after our lease expires in 2 years. At least thats what she told me from the beggining. Things have gradually gotten worse for me. BD 12/6/17. Right now I have pretty much gone dark the last 2 weeks and havent seen a change in behavior. We are like 2 ships passing by at night. Havent said a word to each other in days.
Faceman,Right now I have pretty much gone dark the last 2 weeks and havent seen a change in behavior. We are like 2 ships passing by at night. Havent said a word to each other in days.
The point of this is not to change her. It is to change YOU. SO you are saying there has been no change to you so far?
