She has never acknowledged what she has done to me and our family. I would actually respect an apology, but she has never come to me like a woman and gave me one. And I know she knows what she did was wrong.
It's sad that I let them all "get away" with it and I sweep it under the rug. I do it to keep peace for our daughter. But one day, and mark my words, she will hear it from me and what I think about what they did. Ex has heard it from me, oh, and she will too.
Just to add my 2 pence to this, on my way home very late last night the song "Why don't you stay" by Sugarland came up on the shuffle list. The last couple of times it has, I've just skipped it, but last night I let it play.
It's a song from the OW perspective if my point of view matches the writer's.
What I've come to realize over time is that OW/OM/misc flying monkeys - NONE of them care about the BS. Infidelity is accepted by the greater population as "normal", "fun", "an act of exuberance". For many of our spouses, they also don't care about the damage that their selfishness caused. It is really only those of us who are directly affected by it and those close to us who have any concept at all of how horrible of an experience it can be to have your trust so completely destroyed.
So - I don't expect an apology from the OM in my case, nor to I want one. I used to think that I would want an apology from my ex but now I doubt I would believe it if she did and it wouldn't change anything. If my ex does have any regrets and it is extremely possible that she does, it would be about how her life has gotten bad, not the fact that she nearly killed me, alienated her children from their mother and possibly permanently damaged the ability of all of us to trust as completely and deeply as we did 3 years ago.
When the subject of infidelity comes up for example at the barber-shop and the guys go "he-he-he" I will insert a comment that yeah - having to worry about the paternity of your kids, or getting tested for STI's, or paying a large portion of my income to a woman who uses it to party with her boyfriend is just a big laugh ain't it. I'm not quite that rude about it, but my point gets across and at least a couple of people, for a couple of minutes realize that infidelity is indeed a BIG deal.
<rant off>
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Hmmm, I think the reason why I can be fine and normal is because I really am "over it". I am not holding onto animosity or hatred. I don't think it's an apology I desire as much as acknowledgment, and I know it is way easier for her to live with herself and face me without having to actually deal with it directly to me. I think it get's under my skin just a little extra some times. Like my ex wanted her tonight as his night, the night before her birthday because he has his family coming over and celebrating. I am not waking up to my baby girl on her birthday. She is. Ex will be out of the house for work and she will be the first person my daughter sees on her birthday. Something feels just so wrong about it.
To speak to what you said, Andrew, my ex does not see infidelity as a big deal at all. There has never been a woman in his life he never cheated on. Maybe except his current wife? I don't know. But he cheated on all of them, starting in high school. His father has never been faithful to any of his wives, baby momma's or women, and he was open about it and thought it was funny. OWW has parents that have been married forever and really seem like really nice people, to be totally honest. I don't know that they know the real story, but I think she was a case of a woman with low self esteem and probably no men interested in her, as soon as one was, BAM. As long as she didn't have to face who she was hurting, she could pretend like it wasn't happening.
This is D's first year with her own locker in school and she told me her 2 friends got permission to stay after school and decorate it today so when she comes to school tomorrow she has a decorated locker. She is so excited. So cute. Tonight I have my second date. he is so cute. He always texts me good morning and goodnight, always asks me how my day is going, is always respectful, and just seems like a good guy. he has quite a story. I look forward to getting to know him better. I did find out, ironically enough, he used to live around the corner from FF. He lives in a neighboring town, but that town is huge and it has a few lake communities. He sent me the house he gutted and rebuilt, which was his martial home, and it was right where FF lived. Small world. He moved else where in town since they sold the home.
Work just keeps getting more odd, and my house seems to be coming along. I am really hoping for that 9/21 closing date.
The ex called me the other night and asked if I could drop her off at his house tonight and I said "nope, I have a date!" D was on speaker phone and heard me and now is giving me the third degree, lol. So his sister will pick her up at 5:30, date is at 7. We are going for sushi, my favorite! It's a BYOB and I said I would bring the wine. A nice place on the water too, hopefully the weather will clear up. Got my outfit picked and everything. Hopefully all goes well.
Oh, and in bad news. I think my knee is messed up again. My LCL this time. I can't extend my knee without it popping on the side and it almost takes me down. I feel like I'll never be right again. I went to crossfit this week anyways. I have an ortho apt on Monday. I don't really need this right now, hopfully it is nothing.
......and date 2 in the books! Another great one. This one lasted 2 hours and ended with a more passionate kiss in the rain. So romantic. I was going to pay for dinner, but he paid when I got up to use the restroom. I came back and told him I was going to pay. He said now I am going to go on another date with him. Guess where we are going..... hatchet throwing, hahaha! Hopefully this won't be the kiss of death, hahaha! He texted me when he got home that he was still smiling from the kiss. I am so looking forward to date 3 which won't happen until sometime next week.
Today is my baby's 11th birthday! I can't believe how time flies. Tonight she will be flying, literally at the indoor skydiving. Then the 3 of us will have dinner. Tomorrow she requests a special birthday dinner at the Columbian resturaunt by our house with just me. (because she loves their chicken fingers and fries). Saturday will be a celebration with my dad and stepmother at hibachi like we do every year. She gets lots of birthday celebrations. She deserves them.
Work seriously p!ssed me off today, but I won't let it get me down. Today is a good day.
I am very happy to read that your date last evening went well. Now, it's on to date 3! He sounds like a really nice guy who is taking things slowly w/you. That's far better than being to quick to rush to the finish line.
Happy Birthday to your young lady. She's having a lot of celebrations this week and she deserves every one of them.
Don't allow work to get you down...Friday is just around the corner and things have been looking up for you. Smile, stay positive and let those that bug you wonder why you are smiling.
Have a great day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you very much Job! Doing the normal dating thing is really nice. He's really sweet and a gentleman. He texted me this morning "Good Morning, Gorgeous!" We are making plans for next Friday right now for hatchet throwing and dinner. Next Friday should also be my closing date. MY LOAN WAS APPROVED! We are waiting for the appraisal. I got a $1000 credit in lieu of repairs. I still can't believe this is happening. All great stuff.
