Yeah we all go through thoughts like that. Obviously we think that putting it another way will "wake her up".
It doesn't. It won't.
It is very simple as to when walkaways will wake up to what they are doing and change their mind: when THEY want to. Not before. In fact not an instant before.
You can beg them, plead with them, reason with them, reword it a million times. But until THEY want to come back it won't matter. Even if they begrudgingly agree to try, it will be half-hearted and doomed to failure.
They have to want it. And it is unlikely anything you say will make them want it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Her timeline seems to have become compressed and urgent all of a sudden. Like let's get it over with ASAP. I've taken it rather well, but changes are happening so rapidly that I feel spun around and more confused than in a month or more. I'm still showing resolve and calm acceptance, but I wish I actually felt more confident and sure of my future and my son's future. Hopefully things slow down a bit like before but I'm not holding my breath. Time will tell.
Me: 48, Her: 45 Son: 13 Married 15, Together 17 Affair started: 4/1/2018 ILYBINILWY: 6/4/2018 Affair confirmed: 7/15/2018 Detachment started: 7/20/2018 Divorce first seriously discussed: 8/3/2018
Just take it easy. Breathe. This is typical WAS. Weeks of inactivity followed by a flurry of "we have to get this done!" Likely followed by more weeks of inactivity.
Remember, the walkaway is on their own roller-coaster ride.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
One week since last post. My apologies. Another week of inactivity in terms of communication. She was gone over the weekend. I had loads of quality time with my son. She will be gone again in a week. I only assume these trips are to her boyfriend. I don't ask. My son is increasingly concerned about her absences so soon after promising not to be absent. She missed his first sporting event at his new school. She will be missing the second one as well. Stress at work is picking up a bit but not unduly. I have been meditating a lot and it helps. I got my teeth whitened and I've quit smoking and drinking coffee to keep them nice and clean. They look great. Not sure what else to report. My mood still varies with my thoughts. I still dwell on memories of us together.
P.S. What is piecing?
Last edited by RWAlan; 08/22/1803:09 PM. Reason: added question
Me: 48, Her: 45 Son: 13 Married 15, Together 17 Affair started: 4/1/2018 ILYBINILWY: 6/4/2018 Affair confirmed: 7/15/2018 Detachment started: 7/20/2018 Divorce first seriously discussed: 8/3/2018
Good to hear on the meditating and quitting smoking (I can't imagine giving up my coffee!) Physical and mental health are a great way to take care of ourselves.
Piecing is piecing the relationship back together after reconciling. There is a separate forum for that.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Wife continues to unplug from me and our son. He and I have a great time together without her. I have to meditate multiple times a day to deal with the disappointment and outrage. I could forgive everything else but abandoning our son is brutal to witness. It is a constant battle to hold back from filing an at-fault petition against her, but I refuse to be the one who gets blamed for the breakup of our family. This is on her.
Me: 48, Her: 45 Son: 13 Married 15, Together 17 Affair started: 4/1/2018 ILYBINILWY: 6/4/2018 Affair confirmed: 7/15/2018 Detachment started: 7/20/2018 Divorce first seriously discussed: 8/3/2018
I continue to struggle daily to not file against her. The collaborative divorce process starts soon with individual sessions on parenting through this. I'm not sure how much I want to reveal to the counsellor. I don't want them thinking that my intention not to support her in any way is some kind of revenge. Shared custody with 50/50 time does not require separate payments to my wife. I'm meeting the requirement by providing a home where our son spends half his time. During the next phase which is some kind of marriage counselling, I will establish that I have no intention of paying any spousal support and that I want her to buy me out of our mortgage and her new car. I will maintain my calm, pleasant demeanour while living in our home, but have no intention of spending any time with her after this is all over. Reconciliation is starting to seem like a dream I used to have. Perhaps it is more likely after we are divorced. I really don't know.
Me: 48, Her: 45 Son: 13 Married 15, Together 17 Affair started: 4/1/2018 ILYBINILWY: 6/4/2018 Affair confirmed: 7/15/2018 Detachment started: 7/20/2018 Divorce first seriously discussed: 8/3/2018
I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. She barely speaks to me and only in very bitter terms. And yet she wants me to move in directly across the street. She wants me to arrange everything about the divorce that she wants. I've only agreed to parenting coordination so far. I'm losing my will to continue.
Me: 48, Her: 45 Son: 13 Married 15, Together 17 Affair started: 4/1/2018 ILYBINILWY: 6/4/2018 Affair confirmed: 7/15/2018 Detachment started: 7/20/2018 Divorce first seriously discussed: 8/3/2018
Just like everyone else, the parenting coordinator was stunned at my wife's behavior and my continued hope. My wife meets with her on Friday. The coordinator's evaluation of the situation will help me determine if there is hope for a collaborative divorce. That is all for now.
Me: 48, Her: 45 Son: 13 Married 15, Together 17 Affair started: 4/1/2018 ILYBINILWY: 6/4/2018 Affair confirmed: 7/15/2018 Detachment started: 7/20/2018 Divorce first seriously discussed: 8/3/2018
