You are right that the vast majority of the people here didn't have a chance to stop the D by the time they post their first word. By that time it is usually too late.
However, I do believe if you do the work there is a better then 50% chance at some point you will get another chance. The problem is it will most likely be years down the road and you will have most likely moved on.
One of my best friends parents divorced when he was 12. His parents hated each other. They would get into fights at his baseball games. His dad remarried his mom did not. About 5 years ago his dad's W passed away. About a year later his parents got back together 40 years later.
You have to get to a place where you feel if your W wants to come back and do the hard work then great! If not, life is going to be great anyway.
steve, yes I've been in IC since separation and have no plans to stop any time soon.
LH, appreciate your comments/support! i recognized soon after getting here, that the hope I really had was more about saving myself than my MR. everyone here has been wonderfully supportive towards that end. i truly hope somewhere down the line I can reach a point of happiness once again and I mean that only with regards to myself and my life. i have zero expectations of any future with OW and i think given where I'm at that's just a reflection of where I'm at.
lol well if it's 40 years down the line i'll be lucky to be alive, much less open to R with W! i definitely understand what you say in your last paragraph, I do. I don't know how long it will take me to mourn this loss and i have no desire to rush it, i'm honestly most fearful of never moving past it.
Everyone I think at some point fears that they will never get over it but they do as long as they don't stay stuck. I was telling the story on Saturday about how when my sitch started I was convinced my life was over my kids life would be destroyed I was lose everything.
Fast forward, I kept my house and just put a 70 inch tv on a wall I always wanted, kids are doing great, since I last posted to you I have had 2 beautiful women already asking me how my morning is going and I have another coming over tonight.
Lastly, this is the honest to gods truth, my friends W was over yesterday and said my ex seems out of it and in a daze.
You will get over it and survive and thrive if you choose to keep moving forward.
lh...well my history is that this would be my 2nd D. you can accept once as a life mulligan, but twice with a child? i "thought" I knew better, my IC tells me "there's something wrong with your picker" and that W is unwilling to look into herself as it's a house of cards that can't allow it. anyway I have seen the end of one be required for the start of a new, but to go through it again, with a sweet D who I love more than life and a woman I felt the same about...tough to get over the hill so to speak, i was heavily invested in this MR, but I guess I failed again.
I get what you say, I have no choice but to keep going forward, I'm just very much a hollowed out shell right now from this. i just DID NOT want to lose my W, but it is what it is so what else can I do...
2018 just through my entire life out the window, someday I guess I'll get it back. your words from experience I do recognize/realize the hope, i'm just tired of the happiness of new love only to see it destroyed when "unhappy" sets in. i think back to when I was a teenager before girls and how great it was to just be into hobbies, maybe that's what I'll revert back to.
I understand that it has happened twice to you now and you currently feel defeated. The thing is you are so young that you can wait for your daughter to grow up before trying love again.
My best friend hasn't been in a relationship for 15 years and he is one of the happiest guys I know. His life revolves around his kids, career and hobbies.
B - My XW sold her engagement ring before we were divorced......said she needed to buy xmas presents. Not sure who she bought for but someone made out and it wasn't our girls
what does it say about the character of the person that would do something like that?
that's it for me, last straw broken. from this point forward W is HISTORY!
I will say it again as I've said before W has done more through her "actions" to accelerate my detachment way more than I could have ever done solely by myself. she wants free of me so badly, she can have it, I'm truly done standing.
Yes.....when you separate the love you have and just look at their individual actions it makes it much easier to move on. Your desire to save yourself has to be greater than your desire to save your marriage. It is obvious that at this juncture they have no desire to be with you and the only way to get any respect back is to walk in the opposite direction and never look back.
