Haha! Thanks Nef. Yeh, over time you build that DB Jedi skin.
Saw W again today. Still kinda huffing and puffing lol. Now it's just amusing to me, but I let her do her thing. We didn't exchange many words. I talked to a close friend and she was telling me that W's reality is most likely slowly shattering and she's projecting all her anger on to me rather than actually take ownership and deal with it. Dunno if that's the case, but I don't care. My game plan is still the same - stay out of her line of fire and keep doing what I am doing, which has worked more than fine for me until now. She doesn't get to participate in my life decisions and if she wants to get all worked up about it, that's her deal not mine.
If you get a chance I'd love to see that bookmarked post on "standing" if you can dig it up.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Maika, my husband has been acting similar to your wife the past few days. He got frustrated and annoyed easily and just seems like he's angry with me despite the fact that I've changed in the past year. I think it's one of several things such as 1) they're not happy and seeing us reminds them of what they don't like about themselves, 2) they're angry with us for something we didn't do right in the past and they've been waiting for us to do or say something that we haven't yet done, 3) they still haven't grown or changed and this is one of their mood swings, or 4) they're generally unhappy with their situation and can't hide it in our presence. Who knows. Maybe it's also the guilt projected as anger or seeing us happier makes them feel worse. I wish there'd be some kind of translator we can use but I guess even better is to be like you and just not care or let it affect you.
Nicole - I think it's a mixture of few things for my W, but I didn't spend time dwelling on it. It's her problem, not mine. She thinks she can have a say in my life decisions, but that's now how a separation works. On top I think her world is not as rosy as she thought it was going to be. The main piece of intel for me was that she is still acting and reacting in the same ways as the past. She has not worked on any of it and grown. For me that's what matters and I have no time for nonsense people who suck my time and mind.
It did affect me but I didn't over analyze it or dwell on it much. I didn't let it ruin my day. And after reflection I know that I am making the right moves to improve my life and if she doesn't like it, that's on her. I am just amazed that she thinks that she has a say in my life and my ability to be a parent. In the moment I wanted to spew at her and just give it to her, but it would've been wasted and she would've made me react in a way that I don't want to anymore. So, I just kept myself composed. I did entertain it more than I should have and lesson learned for the next time.
I am more than okay to have a dialogue and genuine conversation about things that need collaboration. But I won't tolerate a bad attitude, tone, and pre-judgment of why I may have said or done something.
Just leave them to their own devices and get out of their line of fire. That's my strategy and it has worked well for my sanity.
Maika, there's an obvious disconnect between what your wife thinks she can say or do and what you're willing to accept. Hopefully as she realizes she's lost that control over your life decisions she'll at least think twice for a minute or two.
You're absolutely right about the disconnect. But, I am just really perplexed by how she doesn't get it. She started all of this and so I am just surprised that she thinks she can have a say in my life decisions. It just doesn't add up to me. Oh well, that's for her to figure out and for me to not worry about
I remember my XW making some comment to me about something while I was driving.......when she said I immediately shot her a look, she caught herself and said "I guess I don't have a say in that any more do I?".......I laughed and said "Oh no, those days are over with". Last night while at her BF's house she still referred to our family home as "our home", then caught herself and said "dad's place". It makes you wonder what is truly rolling around in their head.
We all should take our inner voyage. But it�s not clear when to start it. Mind plays misterious games...Time eventually will expose our fears and then we should face our destiny.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
You're absolutely right about the disconnect. But, I am just really perplexed by how she doesn't get it. She started all of this and so I am just surprised that she thinks she can have a say in my life decisions. It just doesn't add up to me. Oh well, that's for her to figure out and for me to not worry about
I've often said that one of the things that WASs are most disconcerted by is the loss of control over the LBS. Once the LBS truly detaches, and the WAS feels that loss of control, is usually when the come flying back toward the LBS in order to try to reestablish that control.
It is perplexing, and usually it is because they want that safety net, that Plan B firmly in place in case the Plan A falls through.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
