So here's where it gets dicey folks.... doing the right thing.
Your child still loves both parents... even though the parents may not love each other any more.
Petri what you feel is disrespectful may not even be on the same scale that XW has... and vice versa. You don't have to share "family moments" per say which I mean to include pics of yourself or other people but if you have pics of your child at an event - Easter Egg Hunt, School Play... by all means share the pictures.
It seems hurtful that we are missing 50% of our child's lives but even in married families such as those who work long hours, work away from home or are deployed, those spouses miss first events a lot. Spouse have to share those in pictures or videos so don't discount that just because the "other" person chose to end the M.
Would you want to miss the excitement of your child's first tooth falling out? First time they are riding a bike without training wheels? Don't hold those moments hostage as a form of retribution.
By all means you owe your XW nothng in regards to your personal life unless it directly affects her access to your shared child (ie.. job offer and you are moving several states away, etc.) But, be the parent that leads by example and always put your childs best interest and co-parenting at the top. Even if it seems they are not reciprocating. In 10yr you will be glad you did and so will your child.
I know how hard it can be to place anger and disappointment aside, but I deal first hand with children that are seriously damaged by the on going bickering/fighting and hateful behavior of angry/hurt adults.
That's the problem with these. It's not nice to lose 50% of kids life but that is a consequence of a D. I see it as cake eating if I was to send pics to XW. And I see it as re-enforcing her thinking of "nothing has changed, we are just no together anymore". I told her that D brings consequesces and she went nuts.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
petri, here is the thing. You have to decide what is right for you. If you can send her pics of the kids, and have no expectations, remain detached, and look it as simply fostering a more friendly coparenting relationship, then do it.
If you think sending her pics of the kids will get her to come back, or if it causes you to remain overly attached then don't do it.
You will get advice both for and against it. Do what works for you. Personally, I side with you. D has consequences, and part of that is that YOU, WAW, do not get to be apart of my time with the kids. But that is me.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hmmm... Cake eating would be if she was asking to know all your business and trying to keep track of YOU. You are not required to invite her to family functions. You don't have to sit right next to her at soccer games. Your stance comes off as holding children hostage as a repercussion that she chose divorce.
That stance in the long run damages the children - you may be indeed right but is it so important to be right that you lose sight of what's most important?
Co-parenting is "nothing has changed, we are just not together anymore" is exactly how it should be for your child.
Your XW's consequences if she chooses to see them that way is that you are no longer her support system. You don't fix things or pick up things. You don't bale her out when she can't pay her credit card bill. You don't pick up the phone or answer her text if it isn't about shared child. You don't let her tear you down because she has had a bad day.
P - Steve is right you will get advise in both directions but you do have to decide what is right for you. Do you want to get pictures of the kids when they are with your XW? If your answer is "YES" then I would reciprocate. If your answer is "NO", then I would not send them.
My XW and I will send pictures of the girls from time to time to each other when it is our off week. Two weeks ago my oldest had a really hard time leaving her mom for the week. It made my XW start to cry as well. After I left we went to the beach swimming and I snapped a picture of our oldest having fun swimming and sent it to my XW. She responded with "Thank you!!!!, I needed that". I didn't respond but for me it was the right thing to do. I am not her friend, her buddy, her therapist or her maintenance man but it is my way of showing to her that I am not an angry jerk that is trying purposely to make her life difficult for what she did to me.
There are good points here. I have no problem in sending XW pics of kids. How about responding to pics or videos that XW sends? What's your take on that? Now I really haven't responded and that pisses her off.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Who cares if it makes her mad. Here is the thing, do what you want to do. Want to respond, go ahead. Don't? Then don't. Don't let her reaction sway you. Remember, she fired you as her H. You are under no obligation to her
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hi Petri, sorry to hear about the latest incidents. My reaction is there's now and then there's the future. Right now it doesn't seem you should be pressured into responding to pictures or sending pictures. You just got divorced and there's a lot of pain and resentment. Maybe someday you'll be indifferent and will want to send some pictures. I'd say to go with your gut instinct.
FYI - I send my husband pictures almost every day. I'm not sure why. I just feel like sharing those cute moments with him since we have a beautiful four year old girl. He started sending me pictures too when he sees our daughter and I'm not with them. I'm not sure if or how that will change if we divorce but in your case it's causing additional stress so it may just not be worth it right at this time.
XW put me in a tight spot. I have plans already for tomorrow. XW knew exatcly that D8 is having the surgery. Now she is working late tomorrow and D8 is pretty much alone with S11 after school. Naturally she texted me if I could take care of the kids until she gets home from work. I'm pretty much stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
