Got a 2nd text asking the same question as last night regarding the lunch box this morning. apparently when she asked if i wanted her to drop it off or keep it till Monday, and i replied "Whatever works for you, either way it doesnt matter" was not sufficient.
Same question again this morning, to which i supplied the same answer, politely.
Again, she seems to seek reasons to reach out to me when there really isnt any good reason to do so. As i have said before this is baffling behavior for someone who felt the need to get, and eventually extend a TRO against me because i was apparently a danger to her. Now i get happy bubbly text messages on an almost daily basis about S3.
Cant write this stuff, totally loopy.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Ditto. As soon as I relieved the pressure from our convos, he was more likely to communicate with me. At one time, she would probably fear asking a question about a lunchbox because it would get a passive/aggressive accusatory answer. Now, you are keeping it simple and not aggressive. She will feel more comfortable communicating about your S, which will lead to better coparenting.
You're still reacting to her messages. As I said before - get neutral. Feels like you almost want her to go ape$hit on you in texting so that you can reinforce what you believe her character is about. You seriously got to let this go. I mean we've been back and forth on this many times. Your focus is on her and her actions and words - you can't do $hit about whether she plays nice or mean. None of that should bother you. Let it go man.
If i still need a TRO, stop being all chipper. we arent friends. I respond politely, but i dont smear it with un needed friendliness.
There is a difference between being amicable and being friendly.
The overly nice attitude is so obviously fake.
if she wants to ooze fake friendliness, thats fine, its preferable to her being hateful and bitchy. I just dont believe it to be sincere, but ill fake it alongside her if it means an easier going situation.
My point is that she didnt even need to message me about the lunchbox in the first place. As i have said, she FINDS reasons to keep communicating. If i had been in that same position, i would have just dropped the lunchbox off at school without asking her. She left it behind, she knew it needed to go back with S3. So why even ask me?
you guys still seem to think im getting hung up on each word from her, im not. I am just posting to journal, and this is odd behavior because like i said, it didnt need to be discussed to begin with.
So, if i am such a rotten person that needs a TRO, what is the point of literally finding things to communicate with me about, and then again a 2nd time after i already provided and answer the first time.
It all smacks of Hoovering to me. If you arent familiar with the term, look it up.
Thanks for the input everyone.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Ummmm, OK. You are getting hung up on every communication. Look back through all your threads. You post every communication then have this whole dialogue about it. Even a few words about a lunchbox. We have gone through this a million times. She doesn't communicate, you read into it. She communicated nastily, you read into it, she communicates nice, you read into, she communicates about something you feel she doesn't need to, you read into it.
Who cares if she is hovering?
None of this makes any difference. You need to stop giving anything and everything she says or doesn't say this much headspace or attention. My ex communicates about unnecessary things. He brought me jello shots he made for a BBQ the other day. Thought of me when he made some pot brownies he's been making for a year......Sometimes people just make gestures.....
The what, when or why of her communciations don't change a thing.
you are very hung up on everything she says to you which means you need detachment work. But I feel like she is texting you more b/c maybe you have calmed down a bit. I've certainly noticed a change in your tone.
You have a kid together so you will have to communicate with her for some time into the future. She may get excited, she may miss you, she may hate you. Who knows? And she won't tell you even if you ask. So leave it be and move forward.
Don't worry about the TRO, don't worry about her being fake. You've got a life to live.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Just because i post about it why do you automatically assume i am getting "Hung Up on it"
this is a forum for DBing, Separation and divorce. So i come here and post about the details regarding my seperation and divorce.
Would you like me to post about what I ate for breakfast or what movies i like? I can do that on Reddit.
By your logic i just shouldn't be posting anything. So, what would you like my posts to look like Ginger? What topics and postings would seem normal to you, if not posting about my divorce on a divorce forum?? im flummoxed here.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
it's not that you just post it, you analyze a simple exchange to bits and pieces. This particular divorce forum is geared towards NOT analyzing every little word your spouse says to you and the meaning behind it. It actually does emphasize more of what you ate for breakfast or what movies you like. What changes you have coming for your future to make it look bright now and post divorce. What so you like to do? What new hobbies are you going to take up? What plans do you have with your son?
You aren't actually posting about your divorce. You are posting about her.
