Trip with your friend seems like a good break from the routine LW, you need it now. Your strength emerges from your faith, knowing that god has good plans for your family will help you to move forward. Life can only get better from here right? Take care
Arshi- thank you for your kind words and continued support. On a side note I had 2 good interviews this week- hopefully something good prevails. Blessings to all!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
I know the need to step away from time to time but wanted to check in.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Last weekend was my S birthday. It was quiet > I took him out to dinner and gave him money to buy something. I do know my W texted him to see if she could take him out. He did not respond. After church Sunday we invited my 2 sisters and their family to come over for homemade burgers -fresh corn - salad and ice cream. We celebrated S birthday again and ended up playing scrabble after. I lost!
It has been a while since I have posted. Thank you all for your kind wishes and concerns. I took some time away to stay at a friends place up north and made a conscious effort to minimize electronic usage - tv , internet, phone.. I kept my phone with me just in case my S needed to get a hold of me. I wanted to focus on God nature and my feelings.
Got there about noon Tuesday with my dog unpacked and took my dog out for a 2 hour trail walk in the forest along the waterway said some prayers along the way. My friend - who is divorced stayed back. I came back and w went to the pool to swim and soak up some rays. While at the pool we interacted there with some ladies. My friend says- just like old times - you look pretty comfortable making those ladies laugh. This mad me feel good knowing that he saw the old confident me back. After BD he said that I was pretty shaken up - not positive just beaten down now he says he sees the old me. He also made a comment on how I can freely take my shirt off now that I had muscles to showcase. Before I would have kept it on even swam with a shirt to hide my unsightly fat. After the pool we grabbed chicken wings at the local pub ( that was my cheat day). Then we took the dog to park along the water where I got to say some prayers while getting a few good photos of the sunset , the park and my dog. A lot of people were amazed- I walk my dog off leash and he is a medium sized dog that knows about 30 tricks. So often people will ask if the can pet him. I say - why don't you be his buddy here is a treat for you to give him. With out them knowing-I simply brush my dogs nose with my hand ( a signal for him not to take the treat) They make him do tricks -sit paw- roll over. Then they try to feed him the treat. he simply turns his face away. Then I say push it toward his mouth- he simply will not take it. Then I ask them if the smoke or have any fragrances on their hand and then educate them on how a dogs nose is so sensitive. then I take the treat and try to feed the dog he then turns his face away to avoid the treat. Now we have a bunch of people standing around wondering. I then look at the dog and say - how come you won't eat your treat? Then I say - I know why- it's because we did not say our prayers. Now I present the treat in my right hand- placed between my thumb and index finger at about his head height. He then places his 2 paws on each side of the treat. I say a quick prayer like " Thank you Sweet Lord for this food and all that I have- AMEN! As soon as I say Amen - my dog takes the treat. Followed by applause and expressions of amazement from the people around us. My friend says you have quite the wing man there in your dog. He get attention and the amazes them putting them in a good mood - what more do you want in a wing man! LOL .
Wednesday started off soggy - I said my prayers - took my dog for a quick walk then we went and had breakfast. We spoke more about my sitch and my friend says he feels that I was the ultimate family man - Doing things as a family going to church- Friday night picnic movie night where we would put a picnic blanket in front of the TV and eat and watch family movies.He said I would often turn down a night with the guys or a round of golf just so I would not upset my family plans. In the afternoon it got hot so we ended up by the complex pool and had some nice interactions with some of the women there. Back in the day- my friend often referred to me as the Doctor- because I know how to operate (haha). My friend said that the doctor was back after we had some friendly banter with these 2 sisters that sat beside us. My friend said to me after- things looked really good there- why did you not ask for her number and maybe we could meet up for a coffee later? My response was- Right now my head space is not right. I will consider this a minor victory for now. I ended up taking the dog for a long walk and reading that night. Later in the evening W texts me she will be coming by the house to pick up her mail the next day after work. I sent that text about a week ago i I also requested that she leave my S health card in my mailbox because he is due for an eye check up and she asked if she could take him because she needed one too. She also said that we should set up a schedule to clean up the basement and the garage both filled with clutter. Now I know I am not fully detached - this sort of set me in a negative tailspin. My thoughts were she wants to clean up the basement and garage so she can finally get the house ready to sell - fully setting the wheels to D in motion. Once sold we can split assets and move on. Another thing was earlier in the week my next door neighbor asks to use one of my 2 parking spots to park his SIL car for the week because his W and her sister are flying to go see her family . I said no problem!
Thursday was a beautiful hot day. Woke up early said my prayers and took my dog for a nice long walk. Went into town and had breakfast and did some shopping with my buddy. All my pants were getting to be too big. I wanted to get some form fitting jeans so try on a pair. FYI - at BD I was wearing size 42-44 pants. So I try on a pair of 38 first- way too big. Went to a 34 still too big. I was surprised when I fit into a 32 size jeans. That was my high school size and I looked good in those jeans. I was never much of a spender but I saw a pair of summer shoes that would match on sale so I got those too! My buddy mentions look like you have your confidence back . Little does he know that I still feel some turmoil within. My W kept on popping into my head. We planned on going to the beach with the dog and I would head home from the beach. As I was packing - I could not concentrate misplacing my phone and other items possibly because I may have to interact with W later on when she picked up her mail. Had a great afternoon on the beach. Played baseball- football- played with the dog interacted with people. Late afternoon I head home with dog- I turn on music and start to sing- my dog is passed out from all the activities. A couple songs remind me of my W. I felt moments of sadness and anger then made a decision to put on more upbeat music because I want to feed my awesomeness. I got home and unpacked got the dog settled in then I went on a 2 hour bike ride. While I was away - W picked up her mail. That's when I realized that my neighbor had parked his SIL car in My W old spot. I guess it might get her to start wondering who it is? W may also knows that my S is away during the week - oh well! Any how after a good ride came home made dinner and relaxed.
Friday S came home and has a scheduled orthodontist appointment. Me also made plans to go to the movies and chill out. While doing some household chores. I also plan on getting to good long bike rides in this weekend- one of my goals is to ride 100km nonstop ( I've never done that before) before the end of fall.
My emotions are like the tide - the ebb and flow. My contact with W is very limited. My drive to improve me is still strong but my intuition is telling me that chances for R with W are minimal and shrinking. Her words and actions are consistent with wanting a clean break. I still struggle with this but I am doing my best to keep the negativity at bay. I still pray often for My S - for me - for my W salvation and for everyone here.
RR-I need to step away and it has somewhat refreshed me - thank you for checking in
S85- You my friend- were the first to post on my thread. You are the first to post with a lot of threads. I cannot thank you enough for all your good works - for me and all the people here. You my friend, are an true representative of GOD. Willingly sharing your knowledge- speaking of truth from your heart. Your intentions are pure- Your messages filled with love and compassion. Keep up the good fight ! Fight for LOVE - Fight for GOD!
Arshi- I have read some of your sitch and my heart bleeds for you- Your WH seems selfish and non caring as to the well being of you and your kids. I will try to catch up and reply more on your sitch later. Know that I pray for you and your family(your WH too!)- We must love all as God loves - AGAPE love.
For all the others that read- that care- that cheer from a distance. I continue you to pray for you also. Know that God has great plans for us all. All he wants is for us to be obedient to his words. Just read what it says in Romans 8
Thus, condemnation will never come to those who are in Christ Jesus. If God is for us, who can be against us?
Blessing to all!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Morning all, just an update. My W came by to pick up her mail last week - I was out on a bike ride. She did mention in her past text that she wanted to make a schedule to clean up the basement and garage clutter - she still has some items here and we need to get rid of a lot of stuff. My gut is telling me she wants to get things cleaned up so that we can go ahead and sell the house. She has texted me that she can do a couple hours late in the week. First - I go for bike rides sometimes in the evening so it will be after that and second of all- My S comes home on Friday should I schedule it Thursday to avoid any negative repercussions to my S because it always brings him in a downward spiral? I have not texted her back yet because I want some feedback. As I mentioned before she has been consistent and steady in her words and actions to D. I feel it is just putting me one step closer to the end. I do have a question- I have had very little contact with W and I need to practice on my validation techniques. I do read the validation document- The question I have is- What if W brings up something that is blatantly wrong but in her eyes she thinks she is right. How do you overcome that objective?
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
I wouldn't get in the habit of shielding your son from her. That is between her and him to work out.
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The question I have is- What if W brings up something that is blatantly wrong but in her eyes she thinks she is right. How do you overcome that objective?
Validating is neither agreeing or disagreeing. So don't do either:
"Hmmm, that's an interesting viewpoint i hadn't considered before.I'll need to think some more about it before I can make a decision."
Then never bring it up again. If she does, then you validate further. "I can see where you are coming from on this. I still haven't decided."
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks Steve for always taking interest in my sitch and providing me always with great information. You are right i should not shield my S. I was feeling off today so I reached out to my friend - the priest that married us, He spoke about expecting nothing from W. Only accept her words that are sincere and from the heart. He also said our greatest sin and weakness is our PRIDE. He said until W can overcome her foolish pride and regain her humbleness and humility- at that point there will be a chance for R. He also said humans sometimes cling to their foolish pride at the detriment of their families. He restated that my trust need to put in Gods hands and allow Him to work on me , W and S. I did receive a job offer from the start up company - it was a ok offer. I have reached out to a company that I interviewed before and they said that i have been put on a short list of 3 candidates to be interviewed in the near future for the posted position. It would be closer and offer a bit more security. My W texted about cleaning up the basement and garage this week . I responded briefly that I had plans for the rest of the week (which is true) and that we could plan something for next week. I have been busy GAL - praying , going to the gym, Cycling, taking my dog on walks thru trails and at the dog park, baseball and basketball with my S.I also go watch my nephew play baseball. So it has been busy although at times I still feel angry and sad. My health has improved and will continue to improve as I have made it a priority. My S continues to be away babysitting while coming home on the weekends. I miss having him around. The question I have is that my W has a birthday coming up in 2 weeks. Should I do anything aside from wishing her a happy bday(friendly cashier) ? Also shall I bring it up with S should he want to do something for his mom or just get out of the way? Thank you all for your support and prayers. Blessings.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
My S continues to be away babysitting while coming home on the weekends. I miss having him around. The question I have is that my W has a birthday coming up in 2 weeks. Should I do anything aside from wishing her a happy bday(friendly cashier) ? Also shall I bring it up with S should he want to do something for his mom or just get out of the way? Thank you all for your support and prayers. Blessings.
I agree with all that the priest told you.
As for W's B-Day, you can say something only upon her contact and that's it. The friendly cashier doesn't reach out to wish you a happy birthday. If your S doesn't remember, I would remind him for his sake, only. Let him decide how he wants to proceed. Stay out of it. If he does nothing, so be it.
Hope this helps. Let go. Drop the rope. Let God.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
