So today I picked up S from school, W is working. She's going to try to get off work early to come pick him up. She's definitely been spending more time with him, which I feel is a good thing. She's finally recognizing that this has been really hard on him, and even though we're still apart, at least I can see that now she actually appears to be trying to put him first (rather than just being totally selfish even with him).
Yesterday when she came to pick him up, she wanted to stay and plan out who will be keeping S for the next few weeks (because we will both be working some strange hours). She cracked some jokes, and we laughed, but we stayed on topic and I didn't really get the feeling she was trying to throw any jabs. So that was nice.
She may have to move out of her apartment and in with a friend (who has a S that's one of S's friends, and the friend is a lady...even though that doesn't matter all the time with W), so she's definitely still trying to hang on to some kind of control over her financial life, but it doesn't really seem to be working very well.
Either way, the new trend of her actually talking to me like a human, spending more of her time with S, and just trying to keep peace is nice.
11 more days till the D is dismissed. Fingers crossed.
Yesterday, W ended up picking S up from school because he got his clothes all messed up. Today, she asked if I could pick him up, but I had to work late, so I had to decline. The school called me though because she didn't get there till almost the deadline for pickup. I don't know what she was up to, but as long as he got picked up, that's the important thing.
She has decided that she's going to move in with her friend, and she wants to bring S's furniture back to my place. I'm not sure what she's going to do with all of her furniture...but that's not my problem. I told her that S can have his stuff here if he wants.
It feels like she's slllllooowwwwly trying to undo some of the mess...but not be obvious about it. She definitely got in way over her head when she thought she made enough money to make it...based on the fact that I used to be able to pull it off before we got married...on less per hour than she makes...but then, I kind of have a thing for personal finance. Her thing is random bills, like gym memberships, etc. So...yeah, of course she's gonna struggle. lol.
She had wanted to have lunch with me today (without S), but she wasn't anywhere near where I work today, and honestly I don't feel too bad about it.
Everything is strange. BUT...the GAL approach seems to be doing pretty well. Just gonna keep it up a bit more!
I'm honestly fine whether she does or doesn't. And I don't think that's what she's doing, but it just sort of feels that way knowing her. And I don't feel bad about not going to lunch with her. It was inconvenient for her, but was also her idea. And I'm actually counting down because I'm excited to see it gone...even if just for a while. So it really wasn't a sad, complaining post as it was an update.
So in 9 days what are you going to do? You see, bm, you have made a lot of progress. I agree, it appears she is trying to undo what she did slowly, probably without admitting it to herself.
But in 9 days is danger time my friend. She has been throwing you bones. But remember what got you here, DBing. If she allows the D to be dismissed please do not see that as carte blanche to ratchet up the pressure and pursuit. Remember, even in 9 days you are the lighthouse! You stand in place.....you let her come to you. The more you detach, GAL and continue to 180 the more she'll likely come sniffing around wondering what is up!
Remember, back when you were still pressuring and pursuing? Remember trying to flag her down in the driveway and she just smiled and drove on? Remember, her changing son's dr appointments to avoid you? Remember the texts to stay away from her and not contact her anymore?
And then you got really good at DBing, and suddenly she is meeting you for lunch, and inviting you to the park, etc. Classic pursuit-distance dynamic!
So in 9 days, the D dismissal is formality. But bm is going to keep on DBing!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
She called again this evening. I didn't answer. Then she texted me that she had something she needed to tell me. I called her back, she wanted to tell me something S said that she thought was funny. I laughed a little. She told me that if I go driving tonight (it's a big college football night here) to "please be careful".
I don't understand her at all.
None of this is easy. None of this makes sense. And tonight, I'm not going out, I'm staying home. I feel like my world is getting ripped apart again. Of course, I'm not planning on deviating from DB. If anything, I'm going to try harder. But to say that this doesn't hurt is a massive understatement.
Picked S up from school today. He was disappointed that I wasn't in his friend's dad's Mustang. He told me about sleepovers at his friend's house (his dad is a guy). I think I'm just stressed out by the events of the last couple of days. It's just total BS, and I'm exhausted.
No, I'm not going to quit DB. Although to be honest, I don't see that this is really working all that well. Instead, I feel like I've been friend zoned by W and still have to help her with S (which I don't mind helping with him), so now I'm just feeling like all of the effort has been for very, very little. Especially with her requesting a court date yesterday.
I know I'm not really feeling as strong as I was right now, so I need to know...has anyone actually been able to pull off DB with a sitch like this? Because I feel like I'm running out of time fast, and it's exhausting.
Okay, I just need some advice. I kind of fell off the "be calm and polite" wagon last night and basically told W that I was absolutely sick of her having S around dudes she's hooking up with. I had checked out the guy in particular on FB and was definitely not shocked that he was about the opposite of her politically (which she argued with me about being different), he's not a decent person, and he doesn't seem to mind being rude and profane when leaving reviews for local businesses. Heh. I told her an attitude like that wasn't healthy to have S around (basically). Either way, I feel like I really messed up by saying anything at all.
I think that I'm just panicking and feel like time is almost up to make anything better. It's like she wants to be friends, but only barely because it benefits her in some way, and that's not okay with me. I don't want to be used. I don't want to be her friend. I would absolutely love it if she told me she loves me and actually freaking meant it, but she doesn't. And it's rough.
I plan to GAL, DB, etc. for as long as I can. But I'm really afraid here, and it's driving me crazy. Please, if anyone has anything that would help...I could really use reassurance right now, motivation, or anything to let me know that I'm not crazy and that this may still be fixable. I know that the D is probably going to still happen. I was hoping it wouldn't. I don't think I'm avoiding it. But I feel pretty lost right now.
