Hmm, so maybe when something like this happens the default setting should be 'what opportunities does this throw up for me'. And start going down that path right away.
Rather than panic and stress, and then try and put yourself on a more constructive path.
Rather than panic and stress, and then try and put yourself on a more constructive path.
focus22,
Yes, I like what you said.
There are some things we can control and a lot of things we can't control. I think we often get caught in a cycle of worry and dread, wishing certain things hadn't happened and wanting other things to happen. But, that's not a very useful or adaptive attitude. You've got to embrace what you have in front of you and make the best of it. So yes, I agree with your statement,'what opportunities does this throw up for me'.
My divorce was terrible, but at the same time it was an opportunity for some much needed personal growth.
Rather than panic and stress, and then try and put yourself on a more constructive path.
focus22,
Yes, I like what you said.
There are some things we can control and a lot of things we can't control. I think we often get caught in a cycle of worry and dread, wishing certain things hadn't happened and wanting other things to happen. But, that's not a very useful or adaptive attitude. You've got to embrace what you have in front of you and make the best of it. So yes, I agree with your statement,'what opportunities does this throw up for me'.
My divorce was terrible, but at the same time it was an opportunity for some much needed personal growth.
Thank you doodler. I need to keep reminding myself of this, so that it becomes my default setting so to speak. I'm a bit...well, I **was** a bit...of a worrier in my past life. Caught myself and corrected myself there
Yeah, I think I know where I learnt that from. It's fine though, I don't want to dredge that up and rehash it. I feel like I've done a lot of that over the past few years (maybe even longer). Time to look to the future now.
I've not been feeling to great physically this past week or two, but I think I'm on the mend now.
We're coming up for a year and a half being together, and we're starting to chat a little about the future. No firm decisions as yet, just a few vague ideas and plans for now.
It's very a lovely thing to be carefully and consciously thinking how things might be together. And also to feel that the other person wants this too. Actually, I've very deliberately waited to see how things would unfold between us, deliberately made time to see how we fitted together, how he dealt with any of the things that might come up, both in his own life, with work and his children and with our life. Not a test, not at all, but more of a wanting to see if this is someone that I could negotiate with.
Thinking back to when I was younger, I remember being very caught up in it all, the plans for the future, and only being dimly aware that my now XH perhaps didn't want it all quite as much as I did. I mean, I didn't force him, but he maybe just 'went along with it' a little bit. That was certainly a big part of his character. Perhaps that's where the seeds of all the later unravelling lay?
I think I didn't really feel there was much dialogue and negotiation from and with him, not really ever. It was more like one of us decided something and the other just went along with it. I'm really speaking about some of the big things in life here as much about the smallest things. I don't think we ever had a partnership really. We were maybe good with chatting about work and creativity, and understanding those sides of each other's personalities. Those were/are both pretty massive aspects of who we were/are. But not much of a partnership.
I'm starting to really understand, in the pit of my stomach, what it feels like to have a partnership with someone. And flipping hell, it's incredible. I've never felt that before, I know that for sure. Perhaps I never really allowed myself to explore that before, mainly because I didn't really feel that I could trust my XH. From very early on, I felt I was pushed into the role of being the one that looked after things...all the things he didn't want to do (which was everything practical in life). And perhaps he picked up on that feeling? Who knows...and no matter.
But yes, partnership...wow, what a beautiful revelation.
And I think on his part, he's never had someone pay him attention. He's very quiet and unassuming, and very gentle. He shows his love by giving people the freedom to be who they are and supporting them very consistently in this (he's exactly this way with his children). He's an introvert, and would feel very uncomfortable being the centre of attention. So I think it's easy for other people to end up pushing him aside in their desire/need to do their own thing.
I think for him the journey might be to explore those sides of his character that he's never explored in the past, or had the chance of exploring as he was busy bringing up a family and supporting his XW's career. As, funnily enough, the journey is for me too. We're really very much mirror images of each other...
I feel that my confidence as far as all the work I do is growing very evenly, solidly and quickly now.
Good news on the work front: I think I have enough confirmed work to get me through to the end of the year without worrying too much. And it's good work too, CV enhancing. Which is what I've been planning and putting together since the start of the year.
My own creative work...well, I just produced a piece of work that I'm extremely proud of. It involved co-ordinating a number of other people too, and they all came away with and extremely positive vibe about it all as well as the beautiful work we produced together.
This is a skill that I have, and am working on developing across all the areas I work in: making the opportunities to bring people together, making a positive and very creative environment for everyone and drawing the best out of them all. And doing this as well as contributing my own work. It's leadership I guess. Yes...I'm working on my leadership skills.
They were there, in seed form, before D, but I didn't know or understand what they were or that I could encourage them to grow into something.
I played tennis with my wonderful man the other evening. It was such incredible fun. I haven't hit a tennis ball for 40 odd years, since I was a child. I absolutely loved it, and felt a bit of a natural affinity for it. And he told me I had a good instinct for it (as well as the cycling we've been doing). I'm a bit bowled over by that, tbh.
I guess I've always lacked confidence in my physical abilities and physical presence. Maybe because I never really explored them as a child, or because I remember very feeling self conscious, even as young as 10 or 11. So I guess I deliberately shrank that side of myself and developed the academic/intellectual side of my personality. I worked hard and did phenomenally well at that I think it was also a refuge for me when things got difficult, especially around my mid 20s. After that, I think I felt overwhelmed by the presence and physicality of XH, so I just let him dominate that side of our R and M. And then obviously, I ended up feeling so low that when the EAs and PAs came along, I felt totally crushed.
Well, I remember the creeping sense of power in my own physical being, that started, say maybe 3 or 4 months after XH left? It started very small, and maybe as a result of all the interior work I was doing on myself? Now it feels like a definite and strong part of me. I'm enjoying it, for sure, and I know it can grow still more.
But I must value myself enough to make time for it.
Because the alternative is too expensive.
And I'm not prepared to pay that price any more in my life.
Ha! Forgot to add that I met an old pal in the street yesterday...actually an XBoyfriend from 25 years ago. We must have gone out for six months or a year when I was in my early 20s? And then a good few years after we'd spilt up our paths crossed and we became pals. We had a nice catch up chat and a few laughs yesterday, mainly about politics (he was a political cartoonist in his previous life). He kept saying that I totally didn't look the age I am. Not in a trying-it-on kind of way, for sure, more in a how-have-you-found-the-elixir-of-youth kind of way. Went our separate ways and I felt happy to have good friends who know and like me for being me. Something that I've really come to understand and appreciate since October 2015.
And then I also met XH's cousin in the street late yesterday afternoon. I always liked her, she was always very lively, talkative and open. Anyway, she kept saying how amazing I looked, the picture of health, so tanned and lean (tanned isn't ever a given here in Scotland in the summer - the sun's never strong enough). She was very friendly, as she always had been. I genuinely enjoyed our few minute's chat...threw in some of the things I'd been GALing with over the past couple of years and left it at that.
Last night I ran further than I ever have done before without stopping.
And I had the feeling that I could have run all night long.
What a high. Flipping amazing.
focus22,
I love that feeling. I used to run for hours and hours. It was like meditation while moving. I'd get up very early in the morning, so that I wouldn't be missed by my family, and I'd run until I was overcome by guilt because I'd been gone so long. I'd often get a feeling of just floating along; it was almost like a hallucination. I miss that and I'm hoping to get back into distance running again soon.
I love that feeling. I used to run for hours and hours. It was like meditation while moving. I'd get up very early in the morning, so that I wouldn't be missed by my family, and I'd run until I was overcome by guilt because I'd been gone so long. I'd often get a feeling of just floating along; it was almost like a hallucination. I miss that and I'm hoping to get back into distance running again soon.
What an amazing feeling it is! Loved it.
Then obviously, the next day when I went out it was like drudgery and my legs felt like lead. I could barely put one foot in front of the other. So funny how it's like that.
Anyway, I'm learning to just get on and do it when it feels rubbish, and also to try and totally go with the flow when it feels good and maybe run for longer.
I still can't run very far, but I reckon that it's just down to confidence and self belief. I still feel like I have a ton of mental blocks about it. That feels like the hardest part of it (so far anyway).
After you have run observe your body and where you usually get achy stuff, breathe from there in your body. It helps recovery. Then push the ache away.
You will be able to exercise the next day.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
After you have run observe your body and where you usually get achy stuff, breathe from there in your body. It helps recovery. Then push the ache away.
