Am I coming or going?

[DonH]

So is this 5 dates in less than 2 weeks????? I know there are "reasons" (there always are) but um, just be mindful of going too fast - because this guy will go off to the races with you - he clearly will. Perhaps he already is? For some reason I think it's close to 5 dates in 10 days??????? That seems a bit much - but again consider the source (me) LOL

Have you met his kids? If you are having "dates" at his house I'm thinking you have? Or have they been at their moms?

You are very low maintenance G and that is a compliment. You tend to easily fit with all sorts of guys - regardless of looks, regardless of what they do, what they offer, what they want, etc. But what do YOU REALLY WANT? If you made a list what would be on it? Or could you even make a list? What I'm saying is don't just accept what you can accept. I just don't want the main criteria to be someone who likes you and wants to see you and stroke your LLs. Those things are certainly important but what you want and need is just as important if not more. What do you want from an R or from this guy? And it should not just be that they want to spend time with you and like you - you need to have more than someone who likes you.

I guess what I'm questioning or wondering is, of the last 5 guys you dated, you saw all sorts of good things in all of them and could see yourself in a LTR with all of them - even though they are all vastly, very, different. That again might be a huge compliment to you that you can do that. I just fear it's also a piece of, well he likes me, so therefore I like him.

Enjoy the date. But I'd still say do not have sex with him yet. Wait until he comes back from band camp. Oy does that sound geeky but then again I've been to band camp many years ago so there you go. LOL

[Ginger1]

You know, dating different guys has really given me perspective. There are different things that can attract you to different types of people. There really is something to enjoy in everyone. Thank you for the compliment, I really am low maintanence, , or more so, versatile. I can have fun dressing up and going out to fancy dinners. Take me to a hockey game, food or beer festival, an amusement park, apple picking, a hike, bike ride, or the beach, or sit me in your backyard chilling by a fire or on the couch in my sweats watching Netflix.

Given that I like nearly everything, I look for morals, people who I interact well with, who are kind, funny, non-judgemental, who can hold an intelligent debate while being open-minded. Who won't knock down my interests, even if they don't share them. That's what I look for. Someone who enjoys spending time with me.

I could not see a LTR with all of them. I visualized what it might be like, but I couldn't see one with everyone. HC, I couldn't see it unless a lot of things were different. FF, well, I should have looked more clearly at our insurmountable circumstances. I couldn't see anything LT with LD.

I figure I could see a LTR with someone where I wouldn't have to say "well, if things were different, we could have a relationship" I wouldn't have to change the person or the circumstances. I like this one because we legit enjoy eachother. Don't worry, no sex. His kids are home! And I never met them. I go after they go to bed. They sleep like rocks.


IN other news, I did a crossfit class tonight at the new crossfit gym by my house with my BFF and her H that I go to the other gym with. We loved it! We are joining. Maybe I will finally get my fat butt back in shape.

My colleague, the other case manager is an older Jamaican woman. I am walking out of her office today and she says "you have a big rear end!!" Since it is a compliment in Jamaica, I thanked her! But maybe it's time to shrink it just a little.....

[job]

I am very proud of the way that you handled your landlord's realtor. They should be working with you in respect to times of when people can come into your space that you are renting. Getting uppity w/you is not the way to go.

As for the landlord, I am glad you are on to him and are standing your ground. At least they both know that you are very much aware of what your lease is all about.

Hang in there.

[Ginger1]

Thanks Job. I told my dad what transpired and he said "I couldn't have handled it better myself" I am a clam, easy going person who gives everyone the benefit of the doubt until you play me for a fool. I made her very aware that I am not a fool and she better watch who she is messing with.

After this happened actually, I got a call from the buyers realtor. He must have heard the inspection was cancelled. He was a really nice guy and we had a talk. I told him what happened and that I was going to be very honest with him. Even though my landlord is trying to screw me, I have no intentions of screwing anyone. I know my legal rights and the only people I am watching out for is me and my daughter. I explained the sitch. I said I am not looking to make this hard, but I am certainly not going out of my way to make this easy. If I find a place, great, if not, I am staying until my lease up as I am I am legally entitled. I told him he should inform his client of that because I believe in being truthful. He tried to set a different inspection day, but he ended up calling me back saying his client really wants Saturday because he does want to know if this is going to worth it if the building isn't even structurally sound. The client offered to pay me $100. So, I said fine, but I still stand by what I said. If I find something I will move, if I don't, I'm staying put.

I seriously didn't need this in my life right now. I am praying something comes along. I hate having this hang over my head and be in home limbo.

In other news, I didn't get home until 3:30am! I gave myself an hour extra of sleep. Another good night with Bandguy.

Oh, funny story. I will tell you about the event HC and I were going to go last night. At a "gentlemen's club" by my house, Stormy Daniels was having a show. We saw it on TV and he said he would like to go. So I bought us tickets. I told him after we ended things to go, because I most certainly am not. But they cancelled the show last minute (he wasn't going anyways). I texted him the show was cancelled in case he wanted to go. He said "I said "I am not really into fake boobs and stripper perfume anyways" I told him to be careful about what he said about fake boobs . (Yes, I have implants, I had them done was I was 22 to correct a deformity, paid myself and everything). I thought he knew. He says "fake boobs don't turn me on". I said "oh really, last time I checked they sure do". He didn't know. Foot in mouth. He said he was in shock. and "I would take a closer look, but that ship has said". I told him I don't even know what to say to that. I am officially turned off to that.

All in all, I am happy it Friday and my baby comes home Sunday!!!!

[TBSakaJ9]

Hi G....ok so how was Band Dude? Is he excited to go to band camp?

[Ginger1]

Hi G....ok so how was Band Dude? Is he excited to go to band camp?

Band dude is actually sad. Starting this morning he will be without his kids for 2 weeks. HIs kid's vacation with their mom didn't like up with his band camp. Next week is actually 3 days of pre camp, then he goes away to the real deal.

Hopefully he isn't so excited that he does anything American Pie-esqe.

Otherwise, he is great. Very great. I really like my band geek. He fed me wine and cupcakes and we watched an awful movie we just talked though because it was so bad. Then maybe we made out a little. Maybe.

[TBSakaJ9]

LOL......well I hear that you can do quite a few things with flutes. I am glad you are taking your time, I sense you are in a much better place.

[Ginger1]

I don't know where else to turn.

I went to his house. He made me dinner, we watched TV, He probably drank too much. We fooled around. After, while we were holding each other he told me it feels 90% right. But not all right. He said it was him and was messed up. I got really upset, got dressed and left. He was hugging me and holding me and he was trying not to let me go. I just told him I had to go, I couldn't take this. He kept beggiing me to text him when I get home. I told him I wasn't going to and I would fine,, while crying.


He was texting me to make sure I got home ok, and Ifnally answered and we had a text exchange. He is just os messed up right now, blah blah blah. He said he felt like we got along better than him and his ex and it was exciting. I am such a wonderful person and mother. He cares a lot for me. But he can't figure anything out.


I didn't see this coming. I am so hurt. I mean so so hurt. I lost a lot this week. He wasn't something I thought I was going to lose. Not like this. And this way.


It is the story of my life. I am so wonderful, supposedly, but the guy just can't do it. I mess up their heads apparently.

I am dying inside. I can't believe this happened again. What do I do? Become some emotionally unavailable bltch? Because they win. I lose. Every single time. I think it twists the knife more when I am told how I am one of the best things but something is missing. I would rather a guy tell me "this is what I don't like". But they can't tell me what they can change They tell me how much better I am better than the love of their lives, then dump me. HC even texted me today saying he wants to be friends and still hang out But I am not good enough to him for anything else. I left some stuff behind that I don't need. He said he can bring it by to me. I told him none of that stuff is important.

Please don't tell me what I did wrong. I really felt like I was doing things right. May I have hung out with him one too many days this week, I don't think that put the nail in the coffin. I don't know what did.

I can't go through this anymore. I can't trust what is real or isn't real. This too painful.

I lost a potential home, my currrent home is in limbo, I lost a guy I felt might have potential. I gave him a chance. I lost a lot. Anything that made my heart warm is gone in the matter of a week. I can't handle anymore losses. I am going to lose it.

His last words to me were "I wish you and D10 the best. You make a great team from what I learned so far. She is a mini you" What a d@mn fool for getting rid of me.

I made a difference at work today. A patient is leaving after a long stay. I advocated for him and he is doing excellent. His daughter is his caretake who is a single school teacher. She suffers from sever anxiety and depression. At one point she was spinning out of control thinking the worst. She tole me today I was the only one who could help her see the light at the end of the tunnel and was able to talk her down from a scary downward spiral. She hugges me and said she would be forever grateful, the patient hugged and kissed me and was so thank ful.

I make a difference. I am a good person. I can recognize the hurt in others. I try to help it. Ease it.

He is a fool. He made the biggest mistake of his life. But this was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I am now going to be single by choice. I can't do this again. I don't have it in me. I can't hear the same story over and over.

It's my daughter. She will keep me going and I will live for her. I will take my health into my hands again. I will get fit again. I will make personal goals that involve no one but me. I will honor where I am in life. An independent woman who loves hard, is kind, is driven. I will give whatever I have left in me to the areas and people that deserve it. Who appreciate it and don't want t lose it.


I don't know what else to do.


Thanks for listening.

[TBSakaJ9]

Oh [censored] G....I didn’t see this one coming. What the Fuch.......do you think he is dating someone else? Makes no sense to invite you over, cook, yada yada yada and then do this while laying in bed. Truthfully it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong....you did hang out quite a bit but it seemed very mutual but maybe in doing that you got too attached??? It was just a two week period correct?

[Ginger1]

There is no one else. I'm 99.9 percent sure of that. We did spend a lot of time together. Great time. It was a great night. But I didn't get too attached. He was the one doing the invites. He was the pursuer the whole time.
I am pretty sure he is still messed up over the end of his marriage.


I really made an effort to do everything right this time. I don't think it was me. that 10% that is missing is in him. Not me. But I am kind of traumatized even more now. Even when you do it right, and the person can tell you things were better than with his ex-wife and I am such an amazing person, it's still not enough.

It's easier to hear maybe you don't have a connection. Or you are too different. Or I chew funny. But no. It kills when someone tells you just about everything is right, but it's not enough.

I am taking this so hard because I don't think I can trust what I feel anymore. I can't even trust what seems to be going great. I didn't see this coming. Not in the least. And let alone to have it hit while you are holding someone naked in bed. I mean come on! I may never be able to not have anxiety while dating or in a relationship. Too many time I have been dropped like this. I'll just wait for it.

He lost a seriously wonderful woman. I know who I am. It took me a long time to figure it out, but I know my worth.

Its storming here and I can't even lay in my bed and cry properly. I have to get out of the house for the home inspection. And go to the DMV which is even worse. Life goes on, I guess. My baby comes home tomorrow. I can't wait to hug her and not let her go.