I agree with ovr, Nicole. Just chat with him to see how things go, make sure he knows your sitch so expectations are realistic. Wouldnt hurt to have a friend right?
Oh I forgot to add that I guess the situation I describe above was skewed because I reached out first so this guy probably thought I was interested. Such complicated dynamics for such limited interactions!
Arsh, I got the distinct feeling this would not be a friend but something more, but it's probably all in my head. There's something about the enthusiasm this guy had for calling me late at night (his time in Europe) that was just different. Anyway by tomorrow I'll probably forget about it and it doesn't really matter except it's such a foreign experience to think that any other man would be interested.
Arsh, I got the distinct feeling this would not be a friend but something more, but it's probably all in my head. There's something about the enthusiasm this guy had for calling me late at night (his time in Europe) that was just different. Anyway by tomorrow I'll probably forget about it and it doesn't really matter except it's such a foreign experience to think that any other man would be interested.
Let me let you in on a little secret. All guys that are "friends" with a woman, are enthusiastic for more. Unless they are gay of course. But short of that, he is just waiting and hoping that it will eventually turn into more.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve, I'm just about to go offline but saw your message. My closest friend for over 20 years is a non-gay man and I really never thought he's enthusiastic for more. No boundaries have ever been crossed but I guess the friendship works because we both trust we'd never cross those boundaries. Anyway I do get the sense when you first meet a new man who shows extra enthusiasm that it's not a sign of mere friendship. I knew pretty fast that my husband and I had something special. I wish though I'd be smarter and better at reading signs to avoid getting into another bad situation in the future. That's why I want to start learning these things now. Thanks for your input.
Steve, I'm just about to go offline but saw your message. My closest friend for over 20 years is a non-gay man and I really never thought he's enthusiastic for more. No boundaries have ever been crossed but I guess the friendship works because we both trust we'd never cross those boundaries. Anyway I do get the sense when you first meet a new man who shows extra enthusiasm that it's not a sign of mere friendship. I knew pretty fast that my husband and I had something special. I wish though I'd be smarter and better at reading signs to avoid getting into another bad situation in the future. That's why I want to start learning these things now. Thanks for your input.
Nicole, yep exceptions to every rule. But my guess is that unless your friend of 20 years is very moral, and/or married, if you called him right now and told him to come over you wanted to sleep with him, he'd be open to the idea.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I'm glad you're at least thinking of future possibilities.
As for men friends vs interested - I've learned it's best to assume they might be interested. Not that they always will be, but if you assume they're always just friends you're going to get some (potentially unwelcome) surprises !!
he pointed out that he's single...either he was saying it to be nice so I didn't feel bad about him doing more work or he wanted to let me know he's single. Anyway he just called me a while ago from the airport but we just talked about work and he said he'll call again later when he lands. Regardless of his intentions our project will end tomorrow so we won't be in touch after that unless he reaches out.
Nicole, he didn't just point out he was single so you wouldn't feel bad about him doing more work. He's interested. Just remember, he is an ocean away.....
Also, Steve is right, most men don't want to "just be friends".
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
Steve, I don't plan on ever finding out if my male friend would take me up on that offer and don't really want to think about it but it's good to know that's how men think.
KML, I haven't been single for most of the past 20 years so usually telling any guy I had a boyfriend or was married erased any possibility of ever being surprised with any gestures but I guess that could start to happen as I spend more time single.
Jim, I see the logic now. Being an ocean away isn't an issue but I doubt we'll be in touch again unless we travel to each other's cities and meet in person. I did send him a funny picture related to our project and he said "Excellent! I hope we'll all go there together someday." So not exactly an expression of interest when one says "we'll all go together" but we are part of a bigger team. When we talked yesterday there was nothing earth shattering and this morning we're just working to complete our project. We're supposed to talk again later but as mentioned I don't think there's any momentum and I'm still married so I won't make any special effort to stay in touch. Still it's a reminder that I think I'd have a much better chance of meeting someone in the country where this guy is from than here in the US....I'm planning to spend a few months there next summer so I'll come back to the forum with updates then. I still can't imagine a future with any other man but I do aspire towards trying to be slightly less rigid in my thinking.
Neffer, well if these kind of updates were happening frequently it may make it easier to move on from my husband but this is more like a once-in-ten-years thing.
