OrangeK, I hope you don't leave! Maybe some people who normally respond are on vacation since it's summer and maybe others have been busy. It's understandable though if some of responses make you more stressed since you're already stressed...perhaps cutting back or a break would be good but you'll probably need this forum as the actual divorce draws closer. People from all walks of life come here so there's a lot of diversity in opinions but as I always say, sometimes we're looking for advice and other times we're just looking for someone to listen and understand. I do think sometimes you just need people to listen and sympathize and instead you get a lot of advice on what to do, which can be really helpful, but there can be a disconnect when advice wasn't really what you wanted. Anyway I'd be happy to stay in contact on facebook. I wish there'd be a way to meet more members there.
Saw EX and OM right near S3's school today. She had him last 2 nights, and where they were coming from was OM's house, EX lives in opposite direction.
Yet another time S3 has been CO-Slept at OM's house, in OM's bed (there isnt room for S3 to have his own room there)
I am trying to decide between saying something to her about this continued behavior that is detrimental to S3, or just not saying anything and filing a motion in court to request check of residency.
S3 is always very upset after days he has slept at OM's house. Clearly her Convenience and contentment of being at OM's house and not her mothers is more important than the healthy development of her child.
Advice on best course of action here?
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I like the course of action you have already taken, to contact your lawyer. In my experience in these things the last thing you want to come across as to the court is petty. Your lawyer will guide you on whether you should mention it to her or file the motion, or neither or both.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I am trying to take the "Not my circus not my monkeys" approach.
I know she enjoys my negative reactions, and they all definitely saw me drive by, So i imagine she may be anticipating a message from me as that would be par for the course based off of my past reactions to things, so perhaps not getting a message from me work to my advantage. I am not going to give her the satisfaction of knowing seeing that this morning pissed me right off. Trying to chill myself out now.
OM has been around for over a year, S3 knows him well. that isnt my issue. I even understand that sleeping at OM's house is a common possibility, what i have an issue with is the fact that there isnt a bedroom for S3 there, let alone a separate bed for him.
As of right now i plan to just document the hell out of this, add it to the other occasions this has happened, and bring it up in court on Sept 11th. All of her court interactions so far have been reactionary. So if I dont file a motion regarding this, she wont have anything to react to, and I can bring it up in court when she has no time to prep a reply, and she can stumble over he lies in front of the judge. Between this and the hair pulling thing, the neglect of his needs and borderline abuse is getting out of hand.
I know that she will be messaging me this weekend after she picks him up, as I will be cutting his hair quite short so she cannot pull it anymore. She will flip when she sees a haircut, but i dont plan on giving a response there when she does either. She can gnash her teeth and act out all she would like. Only makes her look worse come court.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
OK - I don't believe that saying anything to your W about it is going to make a difference so I agree with S. If I remember you tried addressing your concerns to your W before about it and she responded by sending you pictures of S3 in bed at her moms or something like that. Obviously it did not change her behavior.
With that said if you have evidence of abuse, child endangerment, neglect, etc. speak with your L ASAP or if it is an emergency call the police.
Finally you really need to think about all the above or if this is just something that really really [censored] but as your S's mother it is within her right to do. The difference between your values and hers.
Joseph, the CO-Sleeping is immoral, wrong and plain bad parenting. Is it abuse or neglect? I dont believe the court will see it that way. Its very harmful to S3's development, but there isnt much I can do about it other than let her know I think its deplorable and makes her a half a$$ed mother, which i have said in the past. No point in repeating myself there.
THe hair pulling is another matter. I have documented that and sent it to L days ago. When S3 mimicked what had been done to him, he grabbed a FISTFULL of hair, right at the base of his scalp and pulled, HARD and maintained it until i told him to stop. He was imitating what had been done and it wasnt an idle tug of the hair from the far end, to show him hair pulling wasnt ok. He imitated a prolonged, hard pull of his entire scalp. This isnt discipline, its her exerting physical dominance over the sweetest innocent little boy. Makes me sick.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I agree with your first paragraph but I don't believe there is anything you can do about it and saying something to your W....IMO will only make things worse.
Hair pulling......personally would not bother me. I wish my dad would have done that versus thumping me on the back of the head
I would only suggest that you look inward and determine if you would have had an issue with her disciplining him by pulling his hair if you were still living under one roof or if you have an issue with it because of the situation your in, combined with everything else that has happened.
If she did this when you were together would it have made you sick?
