I have to be honest that I think you might be plan b right now. First I thought you blew it because you weren't direct and to the point on what you wanted. Now I think she only sees you as a back up plan.
My point always was that you were making to big of deal about making a move and scaring her away. I think any reasonable woman would expect you to make a move by now at some point.
The thing is now you are never going to know wether you blew it or not.
I think you need to move on an start dating again and definitely stop hanging out as friends.
Well this is where this is all going to get very interesting. I know she's going to ask what's up after a couple times of me being too bust to meet her. I'll just tell her what's up at that point...I'm just going to point blank tell her that once I realized we weren't ever moving beyond friendship, I wanted to date and continue fostering my life that doesn't include her. That's it. I'll just tell her once and for all that she's going to stand there, look me dead in the eyes and tell me she sees no chance of R with us. If she say she doesn't then that's that. Bye bye WAW. If she does a possibility of it I then ask for details.
But this is just stupid now...if we're not going to get back together then there's absolutely no point in being friends if that friendship ends once one of us involved with someone else. It's like trying to escape the inevitable. Plus I know, I know, I know she'll find a reason to contact me. As long as I am so close by now...she'll come back. Let's hope for her sake it's not too late for her, as Artista said, and I'm with some other woman who doesn't come with all this BS. She was supposed to straighten out her life in Florida the past 4 years. Doesn't seem to me she straightened anything out. But that's her problem. It stopped being mine when she walked 4 years ago to supposedly accomplish that goal. And the more I think about it...what is she happens to get involved with someone before me. I'll be DAMNED if I'm going to let her end our little pow-wow friendship. Yup...time for me to stay, far away...go dark/cold, and vanish for the most part. Back to stalking and spying and pumping people for info about me for WAW. Her appetite for my life is relentless...even I had no idea she was privy to my daily life for 4 years...why did she care? I know why, and deep down she knows why. Until she acknowledges it...I'm doing like the Christopher Cross song and riding like the wind to be free again. She wants me and the privilege of my presence then she's got some heavy duty pursuing to do.
I will let you guys know when she contacts me again and my reply. More soon I'm sure...
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
I feel like I am on the same path as you except we have a kid... you have no children? So missing my daughter half the time her whole childhood is a big difference. Im so fed up of the games and the oh I want to hang out and have a drink... lets go to dinner its been a long time. Then I say ok, lets do it this night and then she goes OMG it feels like so much pressure.
For me Im going to decline hanging out. Im not doing D3 birthday plans together. Im not inviting W to anything unless she chooses to work on the marriage.
I read most of your sitch... Such a long time! I wish you the best in your future. Im sure you will find true happiness and another woman who you can grow together with. Unbelievable how much we learn from this isnt it... It can be a shame and a curse or a blessing.... well see how it plays out wont we. Such is life.
All the best!
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
IH, just be careful. Kayla used to dangle the possibility of getting back together so that she didn't lose my friendship. Your WAW may say there is hope just to string you along. Trust your gut on all of this, you seem t have a pretty good intuition about things.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I think I would rather see you wait for her to contact you set a date and make a move on her. Then if she rejects you can tell her you are not interested in a friendship.
i am telling you, she is not waiting for you to make a move... she would not be so coy if she were interested... she is letting you know that she is not wanting that kind of relationship with you... you can go ahead and appease the masses here that want you to make a move, but she will reject you... she might do it subtly like Steve 85's Kayla did--by simply dangling the carrot of a possibility, then she will go cold... and then after a while, she will come back to pick up the pow-wow relationship with you, but it will not be what you are looking for... the possibility of that happening will be when you truly move on...
if she really wanted things to go further, she would have stayed the night... she would have been available to you when you stayed the night at her place... she would have taken you up on Las Vegas... she would have picked up from where you two left off after the bonfire... so yes, you can make a move on her so you can "KNOW," but you will be so disappointed in yourself, that you let her reject you a second time...
I appreciate everyones' input but I'm with Artista here. Making a move is not happening. I do know WAW well enough to know if she wanted me, I'd know it. Plus to be honest here, I'm kind of bored with WAW. I can't believe I'm saying that as I hoped for us to meet again...but without any spark from here...I'm just bored with her LOL! So for now, I'm staying away. I'm not going to keep hanging out and that's it like this when at any moment she could be the one to cut it off. Nope, no way, not risking that. That way if and when we hang out again... she'll clearly be pursuing me and not dating at all. I still think this date story she told me is a load of BS...but even so the fact that her desire (by lying/or not) is to relay she's dating...is unacceptable to me. That tells me I am expendable since dating someone could lead to her ending our meetings as we both agreed. Nope, fuhgeddaboutit LOL! Not doing it. In getting out while the gettin's good. There will be no arranged meet up. If she appears at my work, which I feel will be her second step to see me, I'll just be myself. She's not getting to spend anymore extended time with me until she demostrates worthiness.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
You might be right about the date being a lie. After all she keeps insisting she doesn't want to be with anybody right now. But I am not sure the reason she made it up is for the reason you suggest. It could be it was a way to get you to be a little more aggressive. To pursue a little more. You've been the lighthouse since she contacted you. Letting her do the all of the pursuing. I know you think you know her, but 4 years is a long time. And people do change.
My W used to be the type that never said what she was thinking if it was negative. Whether it was to spare someone's feelings, or whether it was to be seen as being nice, etc. But in the last couple of years that's completely changed. She just says it now. I could give you specific examples of things she's said in the last 2 years, not only to me but to other people, that she never would have said 3-4 years ago and earlier. People change.
Still your instincts have been right on with most of this so I would lean towards your instincts on this. I am not as sure about artista's theory as you are, but again I'd go with your instincts on that one. But the one thing I can't get past is her constantly mentioning sex with you and your endowment. Women that aren't interested do not make comments like that. They just don't. I honestly believe that those comments are hints trying to spur you to action, and she is too afraid of rejection to be more direct. But I could be wrong.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
IH - With all that's happened, I sympathize with your approach now. I think the window where you could've done something has passed. But also, I don't see an escalation on her part and that's just garbage.
Even though I agree with Steve about the sexual innuendo and all of that as hints, I don't know about you, but I personally would be tired of that. I'd want her to come at me direct if that's what she wanted and if R was on her mind. I don't want meek interest, I want real pursuit and to be shown that I am really valued and wanted.
Yes, the man has to take charge and the lead and all of that, but that makes way more sense when it's the start of a new R without too much history and baggage. I am firmly of the belief that the person who did the initial rejection has to make the bolder moves if the want something to happen. Why would I as the LBS put myself in a position of rejection again - I mean you could if you were completely detached and want an answer and then figure out what you want to do. You can come at it from a position of strength no doubt.
I think the fact that you're willing to walk away is good. You could've either asked her and made a move and got an answer, or pursue this second path of now just going dark and moving on with your life. I don't think either of them are wrong, but the first is just more active and taking charge.
I would also be bored by now with this ridiculous yo-yo behavior. I'd want to see some more initiative and risk taking on her part. No more beating about the bush. Some people might say that women generally have a harder time with that and will play more coy or whatever. I don't buy that bull$hit. If they were straight up about separating and taking that risk, then they can put their heart out again and take that risk. I personally wouldn't take anything less than that.
So yeh, go do your thing and put W in the rearview mirror. She's gotta come at you direct. That's just my take and it may be too harsh. But after reading so many sitch's here, I want a woman who has no problem communicating what she wants and comes after it. Anything less and I am not interested.
