Advice on my Scenario Pt. 21 - Garden in my Bucket

[OrangeK]

If you suspect abuse, you need to report it. Forget your M. If you are truly worried about the welfare of your child, act on it.

On that like white on rice. Documented, submitted to L.

[Ginger1]

I am going to be very very straight with you. I am not sugar coating anything.

Everything is a rebuttal to you. Your posts come across as a defiant teenager having a temper tantrum when you don't hear what you want.

Asking the same question and expecting different answers is a trait of someone who doesn't like what they hear and only wants to hear what the want. It's like asking what color is the sky? Are you going to keep asking until someone gives something other than the color of blue when the answer is blue?

You have some growing up to do. I truly hope your interactions on here do not reflect the ones you have IRL.

[OrangeK]

I am going to be very very straight with you. I am not sugar coating anything.

Everything is a rebuttal to you. Your posts come across as a defiant teenager having a temper tantrum when you don't hear what you want.

Asking the same question and expecting different answers is a trait of someone who doesn't like what they hear and only wants to hear what the want. It's like asking what color is the sky? Are you going to keep asking until someone gives something other than the color of blue when the answer is blue?

You have some growing up to do. I truly hope your interactions on here do not reflect the ones you have IRL.

Thats interesting Ginger, i was actually thinking the exact same in regards to your posts.

Same about you IRL. You seem controlling, aggressive and seem to think your opinion is fact.
I can see how that would also lead to being difficult to deal with IRL.

What ways can you improve how you deal with people?
Does it ever even cross your mind that you may be coming in too strong, making assumptions or are being offensive?

[OrangeK]

you cannot seem to abide being disagreed with, or told you are wrong.

try asking questions instead of drawing assumptions and jumping to conclusions.

What seems to you to be a more effective method of communication?

1.) (your, preferred method)
"What you are doing is wrong, you should be doing ABC not XYZ. You are only hurting yourself, why dont you listen and learn and do what we all tell you? we have been there, we know better"

2.) (a logical method)
"I think what you are doing isnt helping you, perhaps you should try ABC not XYZ. How has ABC worked out for you and why do you think its the best method? How does it make you feel, and how would the idea of XYZ feel do you think?
I think if you look at different approaches, you might find more success. Here is what I experienced, XXXXXXXXXXXX, do you think that applies to your sitch at all? Hope this helps, try thinking of it this way, or that way, maybe itll feel better"

[SteveLW]

OK be careful qualifying her pulling his hair to show him how it feels as "abuse". When kids cross certain lines then I believe corporal punishment is the answer. Parents that tolerate their kids hitting them, biting them, pulling their hair, etc are doing themselves, their child, and society a huge disservice. Sometimes a good old spanking is what is called for. And that our society claims that it is abuse is idiotic.

He pulled her hair, so she pulled his to show him that having your pulled is not fun.

Also, kids acting out when they are with one parent, or their grandparents, is a relatively normal thing. I know my D through the years has come home and acted pretty bad after being with grandparents. I think it is sometimes just rebellion since the rules are different at your house than they are at hers and vice-versa. Or it could be his way of dealing with his parents being split up.

If you think I am going to brush this under the rug, than I am sorry Steve. on this we will disagree.
A spanking is one thing. He was upset about this 2 days after the fact., She hurt him.
Shes a monster.
if you think that is acceptable parenting then I cannot support that view.

Again you can just ignore the advice. Or you can continue to be passive-aggressive. IDC either way.

[Ginger1]

OK, you are entitled to your opinion. I am obviously done here. I have been here a long time, and you have a long way to go.

Actually, my profession requires me to be sensitive yet firm. I have had helped family make life and death decisions and other major life decisions. To help people face realities they are not ready to face. Luckily my track record has been pretty good so far.


Little do you even realize, I used approach 1 and approach 2 with you. You do actually gloss right over the "logical" method. You don't hear it. But you don't hear method 1 either. So, I agree, maybe not the best either Because you are in a spot where you only want to hear what you want to hear. Sure, I may not talk your language all the time, but when I do, you don't even know it.

We can agree to disagree. But I'm good. You are the one with clear struggles seeking for something everyone can't give you. You want to run from the boards and mistake help for "mean".

You have a whole life ahead of you and a beautiful little boy you are going to be raising with this woman. I can only wish you the best of luck.

[OrangeK]

2 more fine examples of other members getting butt hurt when they arent agreed with.

Jesus, you people are entitled.

Perhaps we should add "Do as the Board members say but not as they do" to the list of rules.

Ginger, i feel i must point out that you didnt actually respond directly to a single thing i said, and are again putting words in my mouth.

Im not wasting my time trying to explain my position or opinion to entitled know it alls

[OrangeK]

OK be careful qualifying her pulling his hair to show him how it feels as "abuse". When kids cross certain lines then I believe corporal punishment is the answer. Parents that tolerate their kids hitting them, biting them, pulling their hair, etc are doing themselves, their child, and society a huge disservice. Sometimes a good old spanking is what is called for. And that our society claims that it is abuse is idiotic.

He pulled her hair, so she pulled his to show him that having your pulled is not fun.

Also, kids acting out when they are with one parent, or their grandparents, is a relatively normal thing. I know my D through the years has come home and acted pretty bad after being with grandparents. I think it is sometimes just rebellion since the rules are different at your house than they are at hers and vice-versa. Or it could be his way of dealing with his parents being split up.

If you think I am going to brush this under the rug, than I am sorry Steve. on this we will disagree.
A spanking is one thing. He was upset about this 2 days after the fact., She hurt him.
Shes a monster.
if you think that is acceptable parenting then I cannot support that view.

Again you can just ignore the advice. Or you can continue to be passive-aggressive. IDC either way.

Another fine example of "Im right, your wrong, if you dont listen to my advice and do what i say than you are obviously an idiot. Goodbye."
How supportive and understanding Steve.
Enjoy the view from high atop your self righteous soap box Bud.

[OrangeK]

All because i announced i was taking a break from the forum.

To all the people who actually helped through logic and unbaised thinking, and didnt do so through a lens of personal attacks (Vanilla, Sandi, MTB, Joeseph, Makia, and many others) I thank you.

Steve, you have offered several pieces of sound advice, but again i feel you are offended when i dont eagerly gobble up every morsel of advice you give. You and I are profoundly different men, with very different lives and Sitches.
I have always appreciated your input, but you certainly have a tendency to act like you have all the answers, and that the answers you have apply uniformly to all sitches. You dont. It doesnt.

I bid you all a fond adieu and resolve this day to its best tidings.

[SteveLW]

OK be careful qualifying her pulling his hair to show him how it feels as "abuse". When kids cross certain lines then I believe corporal punishment is the answer. Parents that tolerate their kids hitting them, biting them, pulling their hair, etc are doing themselves, their child, and society a huge disservice. Sometimes a good old spanking is what is called for. And that our society claims that it is abuse is idiotic.

He pulled her hair, so she pulled his to show him that having your pulled is not fun.

Also, kids acting out when they are with one parent, or their grandparents, is a relatively normal thing. I know my D through the years has come home and acted pretty bad after being with grandparents. I think it is sometimes just rebellion since the rules are different at your house than they are at hers and vice-versa. Or it could be his way of dealing with his parents being split up.

If you think I am going to brush this under the rug, than I am sorry Steve. on this we will disagree.
A spanking is one thing. He was upset about this 2 days after the fact., She hurt him.
Shes a monster.
if you think that is acceptable parenting then I cannot support that view.

Again you can just ignore the advice. Or you can continue to be passive-aggressive. IDC either way.

Another fine example of "Im right, your wrong, if you dont listen to my advice and do what i say than you are obviously an idiot. Goodbye."
How supportive and understanding Steve.
Enjoy the view from high atop your self righteous soap box Bud.

if you think that is acceptable parenting then I cannot support that view.

"Im right, your wrong, if you dont listen to my advice and do what i say than you are obviously an idiot. Goodbye."

Or you could have said:

"Thanks for your perspective, I don't agree with it and feel that I need to document it and let my L know."

Your abrasiveness and being guilty of what you accuse others of is very indicative OK. As Ginger said, if you are even partially like this IRL it explains a lot.

Have you been to IC?

I have stuck with you through your tantrums. I don't care if you agree with me or not. I will continue to stick with you, unless you would prefer me not. I do feel it necessary to point out when you are responding poorly, to me or to others. You are back in a manic cycle (and I would have a new IC reevaluate you for bipolar, I know its been dismissed in the past by another IC that you didn't continue with), and when that happens you don't just disagree....you get disagreeable.

You need to follow your own advice.