My little daughters 3 - last 2 weeks of family

[arsh18]

Nicole, no news on the D proceedings. We went to mediator, finalized all terms, she was supposed to send draft in a week, that was 3 weeks ago. WH was adamant on moving to another state post D and I did not relent, that kind of put a wrench in his plans. Clearly he has asked the mediator to hold off for the time being and decided to move out instead. I havent followed up with the mediator either, because well I dont want a D at all. If he moves out of state to the other coast then obviously he cannot have the kids which probably is his only pain point at this time. So he has told me he would still move but if I do not, then I am responsible for kids not having a father, well genius, after 6 months of course I know even this would be my fault. I know he is not reconsidering D, he is just either making peace of not having kids/not moving himself or planning his next attack. He has broken the family, taken my children that includes a nursing infant away from me for 2 days and 2 nights a week, a legal paper doesnt make a difference at this point I suppose.

Today is the first night my children are away from me, a piece of my heart, my soul is not with me. I was driving back home from work and saw WH and D3 walking to pick up the baby from her daycare. My lil D3 was skipping along, with her dolly in her hand. I was across the street driving, I could see her but I knew she was not mine today. I cant hold her, touch her, hug her. What life is this for a mother? I am pumping milk while my baby is away feeding from a bottle, I am sitting alone while I should be cuddling my D3 instead. My loss as a mother is so much more than my loss as a W.

[Jim1234]

So he has told me he would still move but if I do not, then I am responsible for kids not having a father, well genius, after 6 months of course I know even this would be my fault.

Today is the first night my children are away from me, a piece of my heart, my soul is not with me.

Please please reassure me that the first sentence is a typo on your part. YOU are NOT responsible for your kids not having a father. That is on him.

I think all of us feel your pain regarding the kids. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

[Davide]

The way I read that is that she is stating what her WAH is saying, i.e. that is his opinion of the sitch, not hers.

Of course, it is all on him.

[arsh18]

Jim and Davide thank you.
Sorry it was not clear the way I wrote it. Yes WH is blaming me that him moving away and kids losing father if it comes to that will be on me as well. But I am done buying his BS, god knows what is on his mind. The real test as single parents has just started so I am going to let it play out.
I did not sleep a wink yesterday night, as usual with an infant I only get 4-5 hours of sleep for last few months but yesterday I was alone without the kids and couldn’t sleep. They say when you die your whole life flashes in front of your eyes, it is kind of what happened to me yesterday, only the true meaning of the death of my MR played out. I crossed the pearly gates not guilty, I have mistakes and I have repents but I am not responsible for this demise. I know I should fight more for the MR but I am way too hurt and exhausted. He has separated a mother from her little children that is an unpardonable offence. He has taken away their family.
He can put the D on hold or proceed, he can live his bachelor life he is free. I do not need him anymore, my H was dead at BD , I was grieving his loss and I am done. All that matters is the kids and me. I deserve better.
My life is crazy heactic raising a toddler and infant for 5 days and 2 days of emptiness without them. I have to get adjusted to that.
I feel like I am giving up on the MR, I will never file but I am done with this wayward man child.
Do what works for just myself and the kids.
I will use the forum to vent out for I feel only my fellow DBers can understand this true pain

[NicoleR]

Hi Arsh, I'm sorry I wasn't able to respond earlier. I feel so, so, so sad for you spending that night alone. I feel worse for you than I ever felt for myself just because I couldn't live if my daughter had to stay somewhere else when she was an infant. I wouldn't have had the strength to voluntarily let anyone else take her away for even one night. I don't know how you managed to do it. Do you legally have to let your daughters go before the divorce is final? It seems cruel to your infant to be away from you. No one can explain to an infant what's happening. It seems like your husband should be able to take your older daughter and leave the infant with you at least until she stops nursing. That's just such a horrible thing to separate a mother and baby. I hope you got your angels back and have the next to you now. I'm so sorry again.

[Jim1234]

NIcole, I hurts me to defend him, but he has as much right to see and spend time with his kids. This is all his doing, and he's a .... well, let's say they will censor what I want to call him.... but I'm pretty sure a domestic relations court will rule that he has a right to 50/50 custody unless Arshi can show cause.

Arshi, that isn't to say I know how you feel and cry for you. I miss my kids every time they leave.

[arsh18]

Nicole and Jim, thank you. Yes it is the worst possible pain, labor was easy compared to this.
Nicole, I am not legally required to do anything. He has hardly bonded with the baby so I want to make sure she gets the attention from her father. He would prefer to only take D3 maybe but I stand firm that I will NOT separate my daughters. Its hell for me to stay away, easier if I kept baby with me but the 2 sisters are the only stability they have right now. I neither want D3 to feel I am giving her away for sometime while I hold on to the baby nor do I want the baby to feel only D3 gets time with her father. I am not doing any of this based on what he feels, his rights or give a rat's @$$ about anything to do with him (sorry I am one angry person as a single parent). WH and I are adults and we should manage pain, my only look out is for my kids and I decided it is best for them to not separate at all, each other will bring consistency to their otherwise nomadic life.

Sorry my friends, I have not been able to post much on any of your threads, I will find time to do soon, please know you are in my prayers.

I have been a single parent for past few days, working a full time job and managing solo, its been physically and emotionally exhausting, the kids wake me up multiple times at night. It is hard to go back to sleep because my mind is in turmoil and ugly unwanted thoughts invade my sleep but I am fighting hard. My IQ is probably less than half of what it was 6 months ago, I couldnt figure out a simple computer code yesterday, god knows how much of intellectual abilities I will lose by the end of this. But I am holding up and I am doing fine. Fine is a great place to be for now, I will be great, not just fine, I hope in a few months.
WH asked to spend few hours with kids today evening , I agreed since this is the first week and D3 has been really missing him and crying for him. If he does this every week I will reassess.
I have not initiated any contact, just responded back to texts about kids and their arrangements. The only time I called was to speak to the children when he had them. I actually can do this NC thing very easily.
I have booked a new IC from next week, the old one was not useful. I am still struggling but with WH gone and nobody spewing at me, its much easier. I want to say a million things to him, how wrong he is, what an impostor he is and how cruel this is all but I have kept quiet for all this time and I will continue doing so.
LRT is the only technique I can employ at this time and I am using it. I cry multiple times in a day, get angry, worry, get scared thinking about the future, regret what could have been, then I just get up and do what needs to be done today.
My children only get the best of me though, I am as loving and patient I can be with them. We read over 8 books yesterday and laughed so much. My pain and hurt is only for me, they will not get to see any of it.

[ovrrnbw]

Jim and Davide thank you.
Sorry it was not clear the way I wrote it. Yes WH is blaming me that him moving away and kids losing father if it comes to that will be on me as well. But I am done buying his BS, god knows what is on his mind. The real test as single parents has just started so I am going to let it play out.
I did not sleep a wink yesterday night, as usual with an infant I only get 4-5 hours of sleep for last few months but yesterday I was alone without the kids and couldn’t sleep. They say when you die your whole life flashes in front of your eyes, it is kind of what happened to me yesterday, only the true meaning of the death of my MR played out. I crossed the pearly gates not guilty, I have mistakes and I have repents but I am not responsible for this demise. I know I should fight more for the MR but I am way too hurt and exhausted. He has separated a mother from her little children that is an unpardonable offence. He has taken away their family.
He can put the D on hold or proceed, he can live his bachelor life he is free. I do not need him anymore, my H was dead at BD , I was grieving his loss and I am done. All that matters is the kids and me. I deserve better.
My life is crazy heactic raising a toddler and infant for 5 days and 2 days of emptiness without them. I have to get adjusted to that.
I feel like I am giving up on the MR, I will never file but I am done with this wayward man child.
Do what works for just myself and the kids.
I will use the forum to vent out for I feel only my fellow DBers can understand this true pain

I feel so much similar to what you said, except only weaker. And you situation is tougher with your littly baby!

How else do you think you need to fight and stand up for your marriage?

The venting thing is so real. Obviously it's not your fault that your WH moved out, but don't let him pin that on you. He knows! He just doesn't want to accept it. You don't want to perpetuate that false reality. The real world will continue to bite him (and all of us) in the booty.

[NicoleR]

Hi Arsh, I can see how it would also be hard to separate your daughters. I wish so badly this would be a temporary situation and your husband would wake up and come begging for your forgiveness but just like many of our situations he damage that he's done has already been so severe. It's too late now to go back to how things used to be. I guess that's why everyone says to keep moving forward.

[Jim1234]

Arshi, no one will separate the children if one parent chooses not to do so.

Regarding your exhaustion, can you maybe get him to take the kids one or two nights during the week? I know you don't want him to have them at all, but he WILL get some custody, and if he has the kids, you will at least be able to have uninterrupted sleep.