I feel like she offered for you to talk to the kids without prompting. To me, saying nothing is not reinforcing "good" behavior. If this were a business deal and I offered to call someone and they didnt reply, I would assume they werent interested.
I would have said something like "sounds good. I can be free between XXX and YYY and would love to talk to them. Let me know once you have a more concrete plan."
On another note, I have a question/comment for you to consider. Ive noticed that when you get advice that doesnt necessarily jive with what you already plan, you take a very strong defensive stance. For example, many have recommended that you see a lawyer about your custody arrangement, and from what I can see, you still havent taken that step. Rather, you defend why your way is the correct path. Im wondering your intent for getting advice but rejecting the ideas that dont match your original plan. You dont need to answer. Just something Ive noticed on the last 20 pages of posts.
Initially, when W left, I'd thought we'd soon get back together. W was coming up to me to give big hug greetings and we were having more time out together as a family than usual etc. so I didn't think there was a need to get legal advice.
I was then shocked as W tried to get me into trouble with the police (she said she'd never been happy being with me) and I had to deal with legal people for that. It went nowhere and W then said she was sorry for doing that.
I then realised that W had been planning D months before leaving. Getting through each day was tough. I was in shock and didn't feel able to talk to a L. I got to see the kids about 20 times last month inc. school events. W even bought a ticket for me at another event.
I think W lost respect for me and was jealous because I had been the main carer for the kids. I thought it would be good for W to see what hard work it can be, and then she might be more respectful... but she's got her parents to do all that hard work.
W seems only interested in having fun days out with the kids. I've started doing fun days out with the kids - I don't know why but that seems to have lured W into wanting to come into the house.
My next move was to take the kids on a break once W returns with them but I've also got an idea to suggest that the kids spend the rest of their school holidays with me during the daytime as W will be out at work. I don't see why the kids should be with IL so much rather than W or I. It won't look good if W refuses.
I think she will go for D as soon as she's finished hiding her money. It feels so brutal.
You are mind reading...I think my W will....
What your W does it out of your control, you can only control you. Did you go out and do anything today? Prob not that is why you are feeling down. Get up dust yourself off and get out and do something. Make a list of things to do and follow through with them. No one said this is easy, and its not but you can do this.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
I think she will go for D as soon as she's finished hiding her money. It feels so brutal.
You are mind reading...I think my W will....
What your W does it out of your control, you can only control you. Did you go out and do anything today? Prob not that is why you are feeling down. Get up dust yourself off and get out and do something. Make a list of things to do and follow through with them. No one said this is easy, and its not but you can do this.
bhappy2, I know W was hiding money (taking about 5k per month in cash from machines) from a D even when we were together. After we split she bragged to me that she was still doing it. W also said she would be paying a lot of rent to live with her parents (which of course they could pay back to her after D). The kids even say she gets a lot of cash-back whenever shopping. W has also bragged about planning to take her pension very early. W had kept the hiding of money secret, but then lied, and then became a big mouth bragging about it to me when her lies fell-apart. It's safe to assume that she plans to go for D as soon as enough of her money is hidden. She also isn't spending money on house things where she's living (they could be considered in a D). She is even sleeping on a floor with no bed despite having a lot of money.
Have you got a solicitor? I really think you need to retain the best one you can afford or at the very least get some initial advice on where you stand. She is really rubbing your nose in it isn’t she? Time to get tough I think.
bhappy2, I know W was hiding money (taking about 5k per month in cash from machines) from a D even when we were together. After we split she bragged to me that she was still doing it. W also said she would be paying a lot of rent to live with her parents (which of course they could pay back to her after D). The kids even say she gets a lot of cash-back whenever shopping. W has also bragged about planning to take her pension very early. W had kept the hiding of money secret, but then lied, and then became a big mouth bragging about it to me when her lies fell-apart. It's safe to assume that she plans to go for D as soon as enough of her money is hidden. She also isn't spending money on house things where she's living (they could be considered in a D). She is even sleeping on a floor with no bed despite having a lot of money.
Get yourself in counceling immediately, you need to sort through these issues one by one. I am afraid you are getting more and more depressed as time goes on. The good news is that there is help for you if you chose to seek it. The choice is yours, you either seek help or not, I can guarentee you that the path you are on will be filled with a life of misery and what-ifs.
You can take control of your life if you want. It will take time but you can do it.
Your W is cake eating and taking great pleasure in tormenting you, why would you allow that? Its time to step up your game/life, that does not mean you hit the ground going 100mph it means you take life day by day and start to heal. It means you enjoy a coffee/tea and listen to some music. It means you start to live for you. You are getting a tremendous amount of great advice on this site but it seems you would rather focus on negativity. This is something you need to discuss with a councelor... it works.
David, everyone here wants you to succeed, but you have to help yourself first.
Detachment is not easy we are here to help...lets do this together.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
I have some counselling support visiting me every couple of days and they have arranged for me to see a top pro tomorrow for the first time.
Yes, time to get tough. I need to get legal stuff started. I don't know who is good and who isn't.
I only have 2 people I can talk with about this and neither live anywhere near to me so I do feel very isolated, so thanks everyone, I really do need all the support and advice I can get. It means a lot.
