Good post B, yes it not in our hands. All we can do is love from far far away, stay our course, mind our own lives and be the best we can be. Use all the love you have for D3, she is the only constant in all this mess.
thank you arsh! I am definitely pouring all the love I can into my little D!
so yesterday I received a text from W saying that we will need to split up the items in the house. to which my internal reply was "um, yeah we will". rather a self obvious statement from W. my guess is that with me taking D yesterday, W was probably just throwing a jab at me. don't believe a word, never give up...I know those well, but seems D is inevitable not like it wasn't something I hadn't figured already. anyway I played extra hard and loved extra sweet on D last night. a GF of mind after hearing all about my sitch and me trying to relay how it was all my fault was like "B my H and I have experienced everything you just said and survived none of that is malicious nor justifies your W D'ing you. then she asked me "why in the world would you want to save this marriage?"...she's right of course. instead of a prayer for best wishes for you all today, if you find yourself hurting and as you know your sitch, ask yourself that question...you may find some strength within yourself that you didn't otherwise realize you had.
thank you arsh! I am definitely pouring all the love I can into my little D!
so yesterday I received a text from W saying that we will need to split up the items in the house. to which my internal reply was "um, yeah we will". rather a self obvious statement from W. my guess is that with me taking D yesterday, W was probably just throwing a jab at me. don't believe a word, never give up...I know those well, but seems D is inevitable not like it wasn't something I hadn't figured already. anyway I played extra hard and loved extra sweet on D last night. a GF of mind after hearing all about my sitch and me trying to relay how it was all my fault was like "B my H and I have experienced everything you just said and survived none of that is malicious nor justifies your W D'ing you. then she asked me "why in the world would you want to save this marriage?"...she's right of course. instead of a prayer for best wishes for you all today, if you find yourself hurting and as you know your sitch, ask yourself that question...you may find some strength within yourself that you didn't otherwise realize you had.
-B
B there is always hope. I just started a new thread as my last one hit 100 posts. The summary I gave is that if you had told me in Dec. (or even Jan and Feb) that I would be in R today I wouldn't have believed it. My W was saying and doing things that suggested that our chances of R where vastly outweighed by our chances of ending up D'd. It can happen, as I just told another poster, as long you both have breath in your bodies. Even if you end up D'd, that may not be the conclusion of the matter.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
B.....the only thing you can do is to keep working on yourself physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I am, for the most part, a completely different person than I was a year ago. Either they get on board or they don’t. Everything I do is either for myself or for my daughters and at the end of the day that is all that matters.
B.....the only thing you can do is to keep working on yourself physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I am, for the most part, a completely different person than I was a year ago. Either they get on board or they don’t. Everything I do is either for myself or for my daughters and at the end of the day that is all that matters.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS * INFINITY
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks S.......B, the other thing I would add is that a lot of people get so wrapped up in their daily interactions or how to handle certain situations because that is what is immediately in front of them. In doing that they lose focus on the long term things that I mentioned, which over time, will make a difference. Eventually she will take notice however the next step is all on her.
thanks Neffer, Steve and J9 for the comments. I guess our being physically apart for months has made detach easier and since W has basically ghosted me for what is now weeks, I don't need to deal with immediate day to day much. i wish I had the ability to interact more with W especially in regards to D, but I have been able to basically live a post-D life and see that I'll be ok if it comes to that.
hope...as time and actions have passed I've begun to re-evaluate exactly what that word means to me. with enough time past such that you can recover yourself emotionally and start to rationally think about everything, the word takes on many different meanings/possibilities that you didn't previously realize existed. what is fact is that I truly loved the woman I married and wanted that til death do us part. as she is now on a different path by her choice, so too am I as a result of her choice. now though I have the power to define my own new path with new choices as well. just have to not be rash about it and be patient.
so I have to say I triggered on something in Did's sitch:
"How could I commit to being your wife without even getting to know who you are today?"
while I'm where I am in my sitch THAT bothers the H out of me. I mean she made a choice to split us up, I tried a bit to see if she wanted to work on us, got shot down and have been leaving her alone as a result, BUT I still think a big feeling to her could be that exact statement above. it reeks of an LBS pursuing and requiring us to be counter to what folks recommend here, yet as time goes/hope diminishes man does that gnaw at you. did I make the right decision? not saying pursue her, talk R, the works, but between the two pursuit/detach is there some middle ground that might have provided a better result such that I as an LBS would not feel like she might be right/justified in hitting me with that comment?
I can hear my W saying that same thing as justification for D insinuating that by my "inaction" I was directly responsible for where my sitch is right now.
wondering if this makes sense to folks. that line just bugs me.
did I make the right decision? not saying pursue her, talk R, the works, but between the two pursuit/detach is there some middle ground that might have provided a better result such that I as an LBS would not feel like she might be right/justified in hitting me with that comment?.
It is called the "illusion of action" you feel like you have to do something to get her back. The only thing that works is time and space along with you becoming awesome. NOTHING else works long term.
The hardest thing for people here especially newer people to really get a grasp of is that it takes TWO people to want to make a relationship work. She is not there RIGHT NOW! Can it change in the future? Absolutely!
I will tell you one thing though. Odds are against her coming back to the same man she left. So how does B become a new improved version?
