I had an extremely eventful last 24 hours, my head is spinning. I don't even know where to begin.
Well, I will begin with the thank you's and well wishes! Cadet, it's even much nicer than the picture! Party at my new house!
I am getting my own home inspector, absolutely. I should also be out of attorney review at the end of the week. When I was pulling up to home yesterday my landlord texted me he wanted to meet with me. I knew my house was under contract. So, he handed me some BS letter from his lawyer which holds no water to vacate by Oct 1st. He did say his offer still stands for the 5K. So I decided once I know I am safe, after I am out of attorney review and the inspection is done, I am going to give this offer: Take the 5K, be out by Oct. 15th, those 2 weeks being rent free. This will give me time to do my renos and move. I think he will take it.
I am not taking much money from my dad and stepmother. I withdrew from an IRA I had from an old job. Took the penalty. Set aside money for taxes. It was advisable by my father and my accountant. They will help down the road with some expenses.
We will see how things go today. I am pretty excited and I am just trying to keep my fingers crossed that the other shoe doesn't drop.
Now, my "love" life:
HC texted around 8pm last night " How's your week?". I did not answer until this morning with a "very eventful." no response of course. Bandguy ended up being able to get together last night. So we had a date. Turns out he is even better in person than he is on paper. So cute, so smart, so sweet. We HIT IT OFF. He even texted me first thing this morning and our date is still on for tonight. Don't worry guys, I didn't sleep with him. Did we kiss? Oh yes. We even cuddled. And I had the saddest realization. HC and I never cuddled. And I am a cuddler. I realize we have no physical contact outside of sex. Anyways, we seem to connect more and be on the same level, wanting the same things, he likes keeping in touch and is excited to see me again tonight for our originally planned date. He is a real sweetheart. I can tell you, he is a long term guy. Not a player.... and does like having a girlfriend. He grew up in a family that was very close with parents who have been married for 56 years. I think he is still getting over what happened though. he accepts it, but can't wrap his head around it. I get that.
This is a weird position for me I never imagined being in. I don't even know what to do. HC does not communicate at all. After a week he asks me how my week is. I say "very eventful" and he doesn't even bother asking what happened? Just radio silence. If I cut it off, I want it to be because it isn't working, not all because I am interested in someone else. Bandguy is going to be away for a long weekend. HC has not asked me out. And I am not asking him out.
What the heck do I do? This guy, on paper at least, because I don't know him that well yet, is kind of exactly what I am looking for. But I can't jump the gun. But if I was asking God for things lately, I would almost think he is plopping them in my lap. FINALLY. Too much seems to be going RIGHT in the past 24 hours, it is scaring the sh!t out of me.
Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Last edited by job; 08/01/1805:07 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
..... and before anyone says anything.... I am not "all in" with band guy. it's not going to move fast. It's just as far as FIRST IMPRESSIONS go, it's a mutual attraction, we love talking to each other, and we just click. I look forward to more DATES. Just clarifying. I know when I speak excitedly about something, people here tend to think I am committed to them. Just talking about my first experience!
IMO....you can let HC fade off into the wind. I think you already have a bunch of red flags so it is probably a no brainer at this point. Even if he was moving slow he should have reached out within a 3 day period to make you next date not wait a full week.
Sounds like you might be onto something with band dude so go with it and see how it plays out.
I withdrew from an IRA I had from an old job. Took the penalty. Set aside money for taxes. It was advisable by my father and my accountant. They will help down the road with some expenses.
I'm not understanding this. You can borrow against an IRA for a down payment on a home. Why would an accountant advise you to cash it in and pay the penltues PLUS income tax? This makes no sense. Was this a traditional or ROTH?
As for the other comment about moving too fast, deep breath Don, it would not be your comments that raise that question, but back to back dates within 24-hours. Hmmmmmmmmm. I could say go slow or triple it or whatever but clearly what is going to happen is going to happen so I can just wish you luck and hope for the best. Cuddling on a first date? That doesn't happen in a public place does it? Please don't say this first date happened at your or his house? Or ended up there?
I am starting to feel like I'm always raining on your happy days and I most certainly do not want to do that - not at all. I really do hope this latest guy is what you are looking for. I just don't want to keep seeing history repeat itself. So let me end with Yeh!!!!!!! Congrats on a great first date!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I don't want to borrow against it. I don't want to pay it back and add a monthly payment. It was a rollover IRA. I would rather take the hit, and be free and clear.
About the back to back dates. Again, it is a kid/custody thing. he goes away tomorrow morning, and since we are available, we are taking advantage of it. I possibly won't see him again for a while. Trying to balance my 70/30 split with someone elses 50/50 split is the trickiest scheduling you can imagine. Sadly, I have had dates that never took off because of this. It's almost impossible sometime.
Yup Don, we ended up at his house. We didn't have the hanky panky. Tonight it's strictly dinner. And for a limited amount of time, because D10's grandma is coming to babysit. Yeah, you do rain on my parade. I can't do anything right!!!! I know I do things "against the rules" often. I guess it hasn't been serving me. But I didn't mess up too bad yet. I don't plan on it either.
J9- you are right. he is actually fading himself away. I am kind of disgusted by it, and I am grateful to have other things going on, because I would have given him a piece of my mind by now. It is admittedly easing the blow. Still silence from him.
Cute smart sweet and he speaks your physical touch love language - that all sounds good.
AS for going over to a strange guy's house that you met on the internet on the first meeting - not the safest thing in the world. (Yes, I did it twice, but both times with guys I'd been talking to for 2-3 months who were long distance - and I'd actually searched crime databases on them first!). Just don't want you to end up a serial killer's victim.
As for HC - you don't have to do anything right now. You answered his text, the ball is in his court to ask you what the events are or to actually ask you when you are available.
You don't have to be mad at him - he didn't misrepresent himself (he did, after all, tell you he wasn't ready for a relationship) and the fact that he didn't meet YOUR expectations doesn't make him a bad guy. If he does ask you out for this weekend you can make up your mind at that time whether you want to see him again or not. If after tonight's date you decide you're definitely more interested in band guy, it's ok to tell HC that you've met someone who seems to be more interested in an actual relationship and you wish him the best.
Wow a very eventful few days!!! Congrats on the house. I get wanting to do reno...but I didn't see anything that needed to be rushed before moving in, unless you have the wiggle room..I don't remember, 1 bath or 2? Cuz that will make a difference...
Do what you need to do financially to make this happen. In the long run it will all work out.
As for the love life...I wanted to say some stuff this weekend and didn't but I will now...
Read below...
Originally Posted by Ginger1
This is a weird position for me I never imagined being in. I don't even know what to do. HC does not communicate at all. After a week he asks me how my week is. I say "very eventful" and he doesn't even bother asking what happened? Just radio silence. If I cut it off, I want it to be because it isn't working, not all because I am interested in someone else. Bandguy is going to be away for a long weekend. HC has not asked me out. And I am not asking him out.
On the topic of HC...you know what to do...you already know this isn't really working for you, for what you really want. If it was, you wouldn't be interested in anyone else.
You have a FWB...minus the friend IMO. More like a F-buddy...sorry for being so crude. If there was any friend in the equation, you would have a bit more contact or at least curiosity about your life. He is doing the smallest amount to keep in touch, to keep the option open.
As for bandguy...
Who knows where it will go. He is already showing you as much interest as is reasonable, without being over the top, when you just meet someone.
If you want to see what it can become, sit back and enjoy the ride. There are going to be things that you won't like and things you will. That is how relationships work. He is already more of a friend than HC is.
We don't talk as much as I might like, but I know you well enough to know that you are a good person. You need to begin to value yourself a bit more. And not accept less than you want from anyone. We always said around here that you teach people how to treat you. So teach whoever comes into your life that you are a strong, kind, funny person who needs to be viewed as more than a sexual creature. Trust me, when you do that and you find that person, the sex, is that much more amazing.
It doesn't happen overnight but it does happen.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Well, I will begin with the thank you's and well wishes! Cadet, it's even much nicer than the picture! Party at my new house!
I'll bring the pie and maple syrup.
Originally Posted by kml
AS for going over to a strange guy's house that you met on the internet on the first meeting - not the safest thing in the world. (Yes, I did it twice, but both times with guys I'd been talking to for 2-3 months who were long distance
I had a friend very angry at me when I met someone IRL who I had met online (non-dating site). She told me that if I woke up in a tub full of ice that she wanted dibs on my kidneys
On the other hand, my daughter met her husband online (not a dating site) and then took a bus from Toronto to Viriginia to meet him in person when she was 18. I was very nervous and put on a lot of conditions. They've been married for 6 years now I think.
Originally Posted by doodler
I've already marked the wedding day on my calendar.
We'll have to coordinate our outfits. Wouldn't want my bow tie to clash with your clasp bag.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
