alright guys I need help. I have no self-control. I lasted for a good few days ignoring her messages. I caved today. she knows all the right things to say to get under my skin and initiate an argument. why can't she just leave me alone? Why did she have to constantly antagonize me? she's doing this on purpose so I can't detach just like she provoked me on purpose the day I got the restraining order. I obviously understand it's my job to exercise self-control in these situations, and I was doing pretty good at that until she just found the right crack in my Foundation. Logically I want nothing to do with her but yet my emotions are still so volatile that if she chooses the right words I can't help myself but to respond. She belittles me, I know it's just more narcissistic gaslighting abuse and she's doing it for fun. How can I make myself immune to this type of provocation?
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I feel like, at some point, you have to just resolve that you are absolutely NOT going to respond to her about anything at all, unless there is a question asked about your S and it HAS TO be answered. I have been looking at co-parenting apps to minimize or possibly eliminate the need for my WW and I to text or talk to each other, and I found one that looks promising and is actually free. From reading your threads, it seems like you will have trouble getting her to use it, but you may be able to get it mandated in your divorce?
Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s M: 12 S: 7 BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day) OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
I feel like a [censored] failure in all regards. Im codependent wimpy ass with no damn self control. Im her bitch and she knows it. I need ic asap. I hope she dies.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Step back from the ledge man. Don't give her this much power over you OK. I honestly feel like meditating really has helped me be more aware of my feelings/emotions and is helping me to control them. I ran through the free 10 basics on the Headspace app, but rather than pay for an expensive subscription, I have been using a different app that I bought a lifetime membership for years ago that has guided and unguided meditation tracks since. I would definitely recommend meditation if you haven't tried yet. And DEFINITELY do IC.
I've read a lot of your threads and you know she isn't the woman you thought she was. Don't let her do this to you. She is someone else's problem now.
Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s M: 12 S: 7 BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day) OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
You DO NOT hope she dies! No matter what between you, you understand that your son needs both of his parents. You as his father will be his rock! Think not of her, but of him Orange! You live and be strong for him and you will not be a failure but rather a great source of strength for him! Let her go, but consume yourself with your little man buddy!
Holding on to that anger and negativity toward her will eat you alive. Ballast is right, YOU need to be the stable and sane parent. Your son looks up to you, and you will be the example for him to know how to be a man. Show him how to be strong, no matter what circumstances are thrown at you. Be the man today that you want your son to grow up to be.
Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s M: 12 S: 7 BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day) OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
And what do you feel when holding/thinking of you son? Orange I sleep with some of my D’s stuffed animals while I do not have her and hold one of her shirts while I sleep. It is HORRIBLE how me and W are right now, but I transfer my anger with W to more deeper love with my D. You can too! You focus, invest in your little man!! He needs his Daddy!
