I have found your posting about your life very interesting. I have not looked at your postings as being boastful, but sharing your experiences w/others. Sometimes, when people post about their lives, it helps others to see that there is life outside this forum and that we all have stumbling blocks along the way after divorce and trying to get back in the main stream of dating and hopefully meeting someone new.
I do agree w/kml, give your current situation a little bit more time. Hopefully whatever red flags are blowing in the wind will lower as you get to know WG better.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Don - I don't post on your thread very often but just wanted to second what everyone else has said.
To me you are a genuine person who has a varied and interesting life that you enjoy.
One thing that I like about this place and the (semi) anonymity that it provides is that it is a place where all can be completely and openly honest. Even about things that we might be uncomfortable talking to people about IRL.
One of the hard lessons I learned here was when to turn the other cheek and not engage. This has frustrated some people who felt perhaps that they were entitled to responses to inflammatory statements.
It's a pattern I've seen repeated here and elsewhere numerous times and is part of the human condition I expect.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Well... It's another Monday update on Tuesday so you know what that means!!!
I had mentioned previously that I was getting mixed signals from Wild Girl on text and telephone. I then stopped by her house for the first time last week Thursday - after, wait for it, wait for it, A BAND GIG because you know I'm in a band - right? Did you guys all know that? Have I ever mentioned that? LMAO (sorry I can't resist) So we had talked multiple times about getting together this past Sunday/Monday again - which, several weeks ago, I didn't think could happen until my travels plans changes getting me back by about 3 PM Sunday. Earlier she said she wanted to come out. That then changed to "I'm still debating". Now this is something she did prior to our first date. First said, "We should get together sometime" then I asked her out she said yes then two days prior said she might have to take a rain check. Well obviously we went out as that was nearly two months ago now. So anyhow, same thing now but right in front of my face - so I knew I was not imagining it. I asked what's up but she would not say. I pressed a little and finally she just said she "get's like this when she's really tired" so I just left it go, got up said okay I'm going to head home. So she proceeds to give me perhaps the best kiss she ever has given me. I'm like huh?????? from not sure to this? A few texts and a selfie heading into (or out of) the shower followed during my drive home. I just texted "I'm home" and went to bed. I was kinda done for the night.
So we left it open and didn't text much on Friday and nothing on Saturday, which gave me even more internal calm to flirt and meet several women at the event I was at. Those could be stories in their own but to try to keep what I know will be a long post a little shorter, I'll just say I've seen and briefly met both of these ladies in the past and wanted to get to know both of them more. One is again not my physical type - red hair/fair skin, which is just not appealing to me at all although this girl is a cutie. I thought she was closer to my age but just looks younger but she really may be younger. Still lives with mom and dad on the family farm. Loves and I mean loves to dance - while I hate to dance and I really do mean HATE. She is nice enough, but doesn't know how to flirt at all and I just don't think is for me. I was told she's in her 30s which is totally too young but then someone else said she is nearly 50. I really don't know. The other one looks better in her photos than in person. She was rather drunk but so were most everyone else since this was late into a full day and night festival with like 20 bands. She was receptive to my attention but again didn't flirt back a whole lot - or maybe she did and I just missed it??? Two of her friends flirted with me more and they were both married (with husbands right there or nearby so it's all in good fun) I was just happy and proud that the two women I set out to meet and get to know better this weekend I actually did! That doesn't often happen. I just have been feeling more and more like my old self again - by old self I mean pre married self of many years ago.
So I texted wild girl on my way home on Sunday and I get "I'm getting ready LOL but I'm still debating." I'm like enough of this stuff already and I just said, something like look, if you want to do something else, please do. I don't want to pressure you to come out - that's no fun for either of us and it's kind of a turn off" Of course then it's "I said I was getting ready to come out" and I'm like, yeah, along with you are still debating. She clearly was and I still do not know why. Thing is, we had an incredibly great time - and not just me but her as she said it over and over and thank me over and over for such a great time just really hanging out and doing nothing. We had all sorts of ideas, we could do this or that but ended up chatting on my deck with a few drinks and like often happens it was 3 hours later already. Went to a casual dinner outside and then were heading back to my house when she sees this little dive bar. She just loves to stop at places like that so we did. It was actually kinda sorta fun. These are the types of people and places I'd not have any time of day for - just none. But thanks to WG she sort of opened my eyes to it being fun. We are both people watchers - I've just never done it at a dive bar. It was like 7 locals and a bartender. Within minutes one of the guys says "Hey are you two on a first date" well from there it was on. LOL I don't know what we all both said but the gist was no, we are just friends - like not together at all. The bartender saw through it right away but the others bought it. So now of course WG then had to start doing little things to make them wonder - touching me or kissing me on the cheek or something. Eventually more happened and she says, well it's time for us to go home and have sex. The guys didn't know what the heck to make of it at all. It actually was kinda fun.
The drinking flags were there again, including her downing several shots at the bar along with a few beers. But then again, we are out and having fun so?????? Thing is, she had NOTHING the next day at all - even when I did. So again????? We very clearly had an awesome time. I hope this is not TMI or bragging but I think I may have had more sex in the last two days than I had in 2017! We ended again some 30 hours later with her falling asleep laying in my lap on the swing on my deck. It was a nice late afternoon/early evening and just was so comfortable and fun. She finally left about 7 ish and I told her to let me know when she's home as it's like 70 minutes from me. Instead she calls and we talked and laughed nonstop for another two hours on the phone.
I've still not figured her out and perhaps I'll just stop trying. She really does seem to want exactly what I do - and not want what I don't want as well. She's clearly getting more comfortable with me and perhaps the age difference? She Snapchatted multiple pics of us together - which she's not done in the past. Yet she seems happy or at least reassured with the fact we likely won't see each other for nearly a month - or at least no sleep overs for a month. I may see her in two weeks at our state fair but I start a string of 7 gigs tomorrow ending late Sunday night - double headers on Friday and Saturday. It's going to be a grueling week. I know to most it seems like being in a band is fun but it really is a lot of work - and a lot of travel as well. Then she's on a week long family vacation, I'm on a fun road trip, etc. But she just confirmed plans a few minutes ago for a month from now, including staying with me for a couple days as we do these things. She will be on the back end of her family vacation and I will be returning from the road trip where I'm almost positive I'll get a firm demand for the cruise passenger info. Might be perfect timing. She brought up suggestions for all sorts of other things as far down the road as two or three months as well. Again, just comments like an Oktoberfest weekend where I'll be in the same area 90 minutes away two days in a row and she says "Why don't you just stay at my house rather than go back home?" Followed two minutes later by "If I ever come out here again... blah blah blah." I know she is joking but I can't help but think it's a joke with some truth to it?
We also had an interesting conversation about how, unlike what I assumed, she DOES NOT EVER just hook up with guys - even in the past. I had assumed otherwise due to well my assumptions I guess. "Oh, no... I certainly could but I never do that, I'd feel terrible about myself," is what she said. So I'm like you don't get into a lot of relationships but you also don't do casual sex. Hmmmmm - so it's sort of like what is going on now with me then, is what I'm thinking.
We are both clearly very interested or at least infatuated with each other. I still don't see her as a long term love. I just don't. I do get this feeling we will be part of each other's life in some way however. But like I said, more and more, I'm thinking about it all less and less and just doing it. If I had to guess, I'll continue to hear from her or we'll continue to talk daily. Perhaps I'll see her in a few weeks, but if not, a month from now is locked in - and it was partly her idea. Could I really have found exactly what I've said I've wanted??? That being someone to do things with every couple of weeks, someone to travel with, go to events with, hang out with, but then also to connect with but not become an everyday thing? Someone who is not fixated on getting married or finding their soulmate or constantly wondering and asking where is this R going. It almost seems like that - until one of us changes course I guess. The drinking thing is still on my radar as is the broken parts. She's telling me more and more how I'm not like any guy she has ever been with and she's even starting to wonder if it's because she's always chosen younger, "douche-bag" guys that just use her and then move onto someone else. To hear her talk, it almost in someways sounds like the things Ginger tells us about how she meets a guy, likes him, sleeps with him and then he dumps her for another girl who she claims is ugly and no fun, but whom he stays with. I think the Wild Girl thing was more an act and assumptions on my part. In fact, now she's gone from saying "Don I don't think you can handle me" to "Don I'm not sure I can handle you." Neither are really the truth but it did catch my attention. Her assumption of me was as off as mine of her though clearly she is much, much more outgoing and wilder than i am, but so are most people.
So I'm back to feeling really, really good just about life in general. There is obviously something building here even if both of us are very cautious about it. It's almost like both of us are apprehensive about the next time together but then the next time is better and greater than the last. I really don't think I could have asked for anything better these past couple of days - including the fact that she's not turning clingy, emotional or weird afterwards. I am glad I waited on the cruise. Clearly a month from now will be the correct timing for that and as of right now, I'd be somewhat shocked if she turned it down. It will be 5 months away and we'll have been dating or whoops - "Hanging out" for about 3.
I don't want to comment too much on the other drama that went on here on the board but do again want to say a huge, huge thank you to everyone who commented to me on and off the boards. I really am not assuming of myself at all and don't think my life is anything to brag about. It's interesting that it may come across differently but I'm just me - I'm no big deal. I'm both extremely confident and critical of myself at the same time. I'm just trying to be honest about it all - that's it. It is even more fascinating how so many people agreed with me and disagreed with the challenges being hurled at me - while no one agreed with them. NOT A SINGLE PERSON. I hope that fact was not lost on anyone including the OP who I've not seen a post from since. The only part I don't quite yet understand is how one of the other posters here sort of get dragged into the middle of it - and even brought into it with statements made on her behalf from offline. If that were me, I'd be saying "you don't speak for me", distancing myself and questioning who I thought was a friend - and perhaps that has happened. Just seemed very different to me and not at all something I'd have saw coming. Whatever. I just wanted to say thank you guys for the support. While it is really no big deal to me to deal with, it is always nice to hear the things everyone said - especially since I'm not the most warm, fuzzy guy here on the boards and always say what I'm thinking including taking people to task and making them own their stuff. LOL A lot of people don't like that, however. Glad that it's appreciated and understood by many of you. I learn a lot from you guys here! Thank you for that. I'm an open book about my life - from my drug addiction nearly 10 years ago now and divorce to all of the accomplishments that I'm very proud of. It is what it is and I am who I am. So, once again THANK YOU!!!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Well... It's another Monday update on Tuesday so you know what that means!!!
I had mentioned previously that I was getting mixed signals from Wild Girl on text and telephone. I then stopped by her house for the first time last week Thursday - after, wait for it, wait for it, A BAND GIG because you know I'm in a band - right? Did you guys all know that? Have I ever mentioned that? LMAO (sorry I can't resist) So we had talked multiple times about getting together this past Sunday/Monday again - which, several weeks ago, I didn't think could happen until my travels plans changes getting me back by about 3 PM Sunday. Earlier she said she wanted to come out. That then changed to "I'm still debating". Now this is something she did prior to our first date. First said, "We should get together sometime" then I asked her out she said yes then two days prior said she might have to take a rain check. Well obviously we went out as that was nearly two months ago now. So anyhow, same thing now but right in front of my face - so I knew I was not imagining it. I asked what's up but she would not say. I pressed a little and finally she just said she "get's like this when she's really tired" so I just left it go, got up said okay I'm going to head home. So she proceeds to give me perhaps the best kiss she ever has given me. I'm like huh?????? from not sure to this? A few texts and a selfie heading into (or out of) the shower followed during my drive home. I just texted "I'm home" and went to bed. I was kinda done for the night.
So we left it open and didn't text much on Friday and nothing on Saturday, which gave me even more internal calm to flirt and meet several women at the event I was at. Those could be stories in their own but to try to keep what I know will be a long post a little shorter, I'll just say I've seen and briefly met both of these ladies in the past and wanted to get to know both of them more. One is again not my physical type - red hair/fair skin, which is just not appealing to me at all although this girl is a cutie. I thought she was closer to my age but just looks younger but she really may be younger. Still lives with mom and dad on the family farm. Loves and I mean loves to dance - while I hate to dance and I really do mean HATE. She is nice enough, but doesn't know how to flirt at all and I just don't think is for me. I was told she's in her 30s which is totally too young but then someone else said she is nearly 50. I really don't know. The other one looks better in her photos than in person. She was rather drunk but so were most everyone else since this was late into a full day and night festival with like 20 bands. She was receptive to my attention but again didn't flirt back a whole lot - or maybe she did and I just missed it??? Two of her friends flirted with me more and they were both married (with husbands right there or nearby so it's all in good fun) I was just happy and proud that the two women I set out to meet and get to know better this weekend I actually did! That doesn't often happen. I just have been feeling more and more like my old self again - by old self I mean pre married self of many years ago.
So I texted wild girl on my way home on Sunday and I get "I'm getting ready LOL but I'm still debating." I'm like enough of this stuff already and I just said, something like look, if you want to do something else, please do. I don't want to pressure you to come out - that's no fun for either of us and it's kind of a turn off" Of course then it's "I said I was getting ready to come out" and I'm like, yeah, along with you are still debating. She clearly was and I still do not know why. Thing is, we had an incredibly great time - and not just me but her as she said it over and over and thank me over and over for such a great time just really hanging out and doing nothing. We had all sorts of ideas, we could do this or that but ended up chatting on my deck with a few drinks and like often happens it was 3 hours later already. Went to a casual dinner outside and then were heading back to my house when she sees this little dive bar. She just loves to stop at places like that so we did. It was actually kinda sorta fun. These are the types of people and places I'd not have any time of day for - just none. But thanks to WG she sort of opened my eyes to it being fun. We are both people watchers - I've just never done it at a dive bar. It was like 7 locals and a bartender. Within minutes one of the guys says "Hey are you two on a first date" well from there it was on. LOL I don't know what we all both said but the gist was no, we are just friends - like not together at all. The bartender saw through it right away but the others bought it. So now of course WG then had to start doing little things to make them wonder - touching me or kissing me on the cheek or something. Eventually more happened and she says, well it's time for us to go home and have sex. The guys didn't know what the heck to make of it at all. It actually was kinda fun.
The drinking flags were there again, including her downing several shots at the bar along with a few beers. But then again, we are out and having fun so?????? Thing is, she had NOTHING the next day at all - even when I did. So again????? We very clearly had an awesome time. I hope this is not TMI or bragging but I think I may have had more sex in the last two days than I had in 2017! We ended again some 30 hours later with her falling asleep laying in my lap on the swing on my deck. It was a nice late afternoon/early evening and just was so comfortable and fun. She finally left about 7 ish and I told her to let me know when she's home as it's like 70 minutes from me. Instead she calls and we talked and laughed nonstop for another two hours on the phone.
I've still not figured her out and perhaps I'll just stop trying. She really does seem to want exactly what I do - and not want what I don't want as well. She's clearly getting more comfortable with me and perhaps the age difference? She Snapchatted multiple pics of us together - which she's not done in the past. Yet she seems happy or at least reassured with the fact we likely won't see each other for nearly a month - or at least no sleep overs for a month. I may see her in two weeks at our state fair but I start a string of 7 gigs tomorrow ending late Sunday night - double headers on Friday and Saturday. It's going to be a grueling week. I know to most it seems like being in a band is fun but it really is a lot of work - and a lot of travel as well. Then she's on a week long family vacation, I'm on a fun road trip, etc. But she just confirmed plans a few minutes ago for a month from now, including staying with me for a couple days as we do these things. She will be on the back end of her family vacation and I will be returning from the road trip where I'm almost positive I'll get a firm demand for the cruise passenger info. Might be perfect timing. She brought up suggestions for all sorts of other things as far down the road as two or three months as well. Again, just comments like an Oktoberfest weekend where I'll be in the same area 90 minutes away two days in a row and she says "Why don't you just stay at my house rather than go back home?" Followed two minutes later by "If I ever come out here again... blah blah blah." I know she is joking but I can't help but think it's a joke with some truth to it?
We also had an interesting conversation about how, unlike what I assumed, she DOES NOT EVER just hook up with guys - even in the past. I had assumed otherwise due to well my assumptions I guess. "Oh, no... I certainly could but I never do that, I'd feel terrible about myself," is what she said. So I'm like you don't get into a lot of relationships but you also don't do casual sex. Hmmmmm - so it's sort of like what is going on now with me then, is what I'm thinking.
We are both clearly very interested or at least infatuated with each other. I still don't see her as a long term love. I just don't. I do get this feeling we will be part of each other's life in some way however. But like I said, more and more, I'm thinking about it all less and less and just doing it. If I had to guess, I'll continue to hear from her or we'll continue to talk daily. Perhaps I'll see her in a few weeks, but if not, a month from now is locked in - and it was partly her idea. Could I really have found exactly what I've said I've wanted??? That being someone to do things with every couple of weeks, someone to travel with, go to events with, hang out with, but then also to connect with but not become an everyday thing? Someone who is not fixated on getting married or finding their soulmate or constantly wondering and asking where is this R going. It almost seems like that - until one of us changes course I guess. The drinking thing is still on my radar as is the broken parts. She's telling me more and more how I'm not like any guy she has ever been with and she's even starting to wonder if it's because she's always chosen younger, "douche-bag" guys that just use her and then move onto someone else. To hear her talk, it almost in someways sounds like the things Ginger tells us about how she meets a guy, likes him, sleeps with him and then he dumps her for another girl who she claims is ugly and no fun, but whom he stays with. I think the Wild Girl thing was more an act and assumptions on my part. In fact, now she's gone from saying "Don I don't think you can handle me" to "Don I'm not sure I can handle you." Neither are really the truth but it did catch my attention. Her assumption of me was as off as mine of her though clearly she is much, much more outgoing and wilder than i am, but so are most people.
So I'm back to feeling really, really good just about life in general. There is obviously something building here even if both of us are very cautious about it. It's almost like both of us are apprehensive about the next time together but then the next time is better and greater than the last. I really don't think I could have asked for anything better these past couple of days - including the fact that she's not turning clingy, emotional or weird afterwards. I am glad I waited on the cruise. Clearly a month from now will be the correct timing for that and as of right now, I'd be somewhat shocked if she turned it down. It will be 5 months away and we'll have been dating or whoops - "Hanging out" for about 3.
I don't want to comment too much on the other drama that went on here on the board but do again want to say a huge, huge thank you to everyone who commented to me on and off the boards. I really am not assuming of myself at all and don't think my life is anything to brag about. It's interesting that it may come across differently but I'm just me - I'm no big deal. I'm both extremely confident and critical of myself at the same time. I'm just trying to be honest about it all - that's it. It is even more fascinating how so many people agreed with me and disagreed with the challenges being hurled at me - while no one agreed with them. NOT A SINGLE PERSON. I hope that fact was not lost on anyone including the OP who I've not seen a post from since. The only part I don't quite yet understand is how one of the other posters here sort of get dragged into the middle of it - and even brought into it with statements made on her behalf from offline. If that were me, I'd be saying "you don't speak for me", distancing myself and questioning who I thought was a friend - and perhaps that has happened. Just seemed very different to me and not at all something I'd have saw coming. Whatever. I just wanted to say thank you guys for the support. While it is really no big deal to me to deal with, it is always nice to hear the things everyone said - especially since I'm not the most warm, fuzzy guy here on the boards and always say what I'm thinking including taking people to task and making them own their stuff. LOL A lot of people don't like that, however. Glad that it's appreciated and understood by many of you. I learn a lot from you guys here! Thank you for that. I'm an open book about my life - from my drug addiction nearly 10 years ago now and divorce to all of the accomplishments that I'm very proud of. It is what it is and I am who I am. So, once again THANK YOU!!!
I'll just say this. We are all dealing with things in reality that no one knows about unless we post the details here or reach out and share offline. And, that is where I was mentally last week when all that was going on. I was dealing with something that was extremely personal and private and only my family and a couple of VERY close friends knew about and likely will ever know about. I'm not using that as an excuse or anything...it is just a fact of life and how things were progressing for me last week. I'm an adult and I can speak for myself and no one else needs to. I can have my own thoughts, beliefs, opinions just like everyone else can. And IF I choose to share those thoughts, opinions, beliefs, one can bet that I will do it in as constructive a way as possible because I try very hard to ALWAYS treat people the way in which I HOPE they will treat me. I didn't feel the need, when I was dealing with something that had nothing to do with anything here, but that was taking a LOT of my mental energy, to have to jump in and defend myself or say anything. In fact, I didn't even read it until after the fact and by the time I did, job had already locked out the thread. If anyone disagrees with how I handled myself, that is fine and I can respect that as it is their opinion to which they are wholly entitled. I started a new thread to put that in the past and that is what I intend to do.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I was told she's in her 30s which is totally too young but then someone else said she is nearly 50. I really don't know
Check her elbows.
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So I texted wild girl on my way home on Sunday and I get "I'm getting ready LOL but I'm still debating." I'm like enough of this stuff already and I just said, something like look, if you want to do something else, please do. I don't want to pressure you to come out - that's no fun for either of us and it's kind of a turn off" Of course then it's "I said I was getting ready to come out" and I'm like, yeah, along with you are still debating.
You handled this well.
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We are both clearly very interested or at least infatuated with each other. I still don't see her as a long term love. I just don't.
I think you might protest too much, but whatever it is, I'm glad you're both having so much fun.
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[quote]I hope this is not TMI or bragging but I think I may have had more sex in the last two days than I had in 2017!
Ummm....not bragging, tells us your sex life in 2017 was really terrible! lol
[quote I start a string of 7 gigs tomorrow ending late Sunday night - double headers on Friday and Saturday. It's going to be a grueling week. I know to most it seems like being in a band is fun but it really is a lot of work quote]
I can vouch for this - it's surprising how much work even a short tour can be and double headers are really fatiguing.
Omg. I am catching up and need to post on my own thread. Look at Don! He's out there slaying it! Good for you. Enjoy yourself!!!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Omg. I am catching up and need to post on my own thread. Look at Don! He's out there slaying it! Good for you. Enjoy yourself!!!
I don't know if I'm slaying it, but yeah, my rather good life has gotten even better. It made me think that I'm getting back to my old self - like from years ago - the confident, happy, fun, self that I used to be. That part of me was not completely lost and I really, honestly, was still doing well and was happy, but I can't deny that the past couple of months have sort of been the cherry on top. I didn't really think about it or plan it or work on it - it just kinda of happened. Wild Girl thinks her deceased uncle had something to do with it - and, well, who knows? While I did know WG and her family on some level, if I was "trying" at all, my trying was a year ago. I reached out several times in several ways and never really got anywhere. In hindsight I now see that she reached out in her own way about 6 months ago - close to when her long time love both dumped her and admitted he was getting back with his wife who was also now pregnant. I see now, she may have tried at least a little bit to get my attention, but this time I didn't pick up the hint or the ball. Then, just as if on autopilot, I asked her mom and daughters where she was during an outdoor festival nearly two months ago. They told me she would be there the following day - and she was! That too almost failed to launch as I barely got to even say hello before they all left but again, something had me text her (with only 3% left on my phone battery) and she invited me to join the entire family - her mom and dad, her BFF, her two daughters, her brother, sister-in-law... LOL for pizza and beer. She was impressed that I had the balls to meet all of them just so I could see her. And from there... Rather than my typical, "whatever" attitude, I guess I pursued her and she must have liked it.
And while I've not actually gone out on a "date" with anyone else since, I've been flirting my butt off and meeting new people as well - again, sorta like my old self. I won't lie, it's nice to be able to report being in a good place for a change. And so, to continue those reports (no matter what may happen) here is my new thread. Thanks for following along and for all of your thoughts and comments!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
