Meanwhile 12 Years Later

[doodler]

Texts were short then again until Sunday night when she tells me she's skinny dipping with her BFF at her pool.

Don,

It won't be long before you'll be skinny dipping while doing fireball shots and puffing on a bong.

I've still not asked her to go on the cruise.

I'm still available for the cruise and I promise not to embarrass you.

[Dawn70]

It's a real red neck affair (from my point of view) but with her growing up on a farm, it somewhat fits and she has a blast so really no judgement from me. Tractor pulls, truck pulls, demo derby's, etc., is just not my type of thing. I've been to them and it's actually fun to do once and a while but meh, I can take it or leave it and was fine to leave it. She didn't ask though so it's not like I turned her down.

You know, for some of us, these "redneck affairs" are very commonplace. I was raised on a livestock farm and actually showed livestock for years before becoming an adult with a job who helps young people who want to learn the responsibility and life skills associated with showing livestock. To each his own....I know not everyone gets it, but some of us were just raised with it and appreciate it.

All of this brought up some talk about WG and me. Of course my friends think things are farther along than they are - or should be. Whatever. I go at my own pace - which most of you know is slow and steady.

I think we are all guilty of letting other people's thoughts influence us, but does it really matter what they think? I mean, it is what it is, right? So, let 'em eat cake, so to speak

A few more texts on Saturday and I had offered to come out and meet her on Sunday or she could come out by me but she passed. Hmmmmm. So I decided I was just going to let her come to me. And of course she did. I don't want that to sound cocky - much more pointing out that I didn't chase and see what happened? The tone of her texts had been distant, somewhat short but on the phone things were totally normal.

Here's something I don't quite get. You mentioned the "tone" of her text. I have seen other posters mention that as well, but text has no tone. There is no affect within text. I think that people read into texts whatever emotion they ASSUME goes with it. I used to spend a lot more time than I even care to admit trying to explain that to my teenage daugthers when one of them would get all upset because someone "was snotty" to them over text. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of it too. In fact, right before I typed this, I did it to Sparky because I read into something he typed and ASSUMED he was mad about something when he really wasn't at all (I asked, so that is how I know he wasn't).


[qute=DonH]
Texts were short then again until Sunday night when she tells me she's skinny dipping with her BFF at her pool. I've not named her Wild Girl for nothing. LOL. She then says that they've been talking about me a lot. Her BFF appears to really like me as do her family and daughters. Seems like the age difference is continuing to bother her while her BFF and others are telling her it should not. They seem to care less. Many of the people she hangs out with are her age or younger. I can't help but think she was a bit embarrassed to have some old guy - 55 - come hang out with them. I might be wrong, but I really do wonder.
[/quote]
So, you're saying drinking and skinny dipping make her wild? Hmmmmmm......LOL I may have to rethink it when I tell people I'm not wild at all if that is the case.

On the very positive side, rather than bottle all of this up and keep it to herself, she decided to tell me what she is feeling. I think that's great. I validated in part by saying, I fully understand - especially since her last BF was like 35 so I'm 20 years the other direction. Clearly her friends are helping her. It really can't be denied though - we are in many ways two different people, almost of two different generations - but not quite. I guess 13 years is not two different generations but I was graduating high school when she was in kindergarten. She said she doesn't want the age gap to bother her but it still does - just less and less over time. I'm totally fine with that. I told her that perhaps she's been dating boys and now she's dating a man. She very much agreed. I just have to wonder if her comfort zone is not boys rather than men?

13 years is not that much difference once you get to a certain age. But maybe she prefers younger men because that helps her maintain some semblance of youth herself. I mean, dating someone a lot younger than you certainly doesn't hurt the old ego, right?

I've still not asked her to go on the cruise. I know I probably should but dang that's still 6 months from now. I don't want it putting pressure on either of us. I don't want to get to September or October and think "OMG what the heck have I done!!!" I'll see one of the guys running this next weekend and will see if he gives me a deadline or says time is up, give me her name and info.

This might be too redneck a phrase for you, Don, but as my daddy would say "sh!t or get off the pot". While I understand your reasons for not asking now, 6 months is not that far out and will creep up on you in no time and she'll need time to make arrangements so this is not something you can wait til a few weeks out then ask. Trust me on this one.........I'm thinking like a woman. If someone were going to invite me on a cruise, I would want him to do so sooner than later, so that I had ample time to plan my wardrobe (and I'm not nearly as a big a clotheshorse as many I know), and probably shape up a bit, not to mention make arrangements at work and for the care of my child while I was going to be gone having a good time.

I'm nearly positive we'll talk tonight. She's had nearly two weeks of fun including days off but that ends with quite a bit of work until she has a week of vacation in about a month. She will be with family the same time I'm doing an awesome extended weekend in Michigan that I'd love to take her on. Very expensive hotel for three nights, fun festival, good food, etc., and of course it's all paid for. It would be the perfect trial for the cruise. Sadly she will be with her parents, her daughters, etc. and that is more important - especially with a 17 year old in the mix - than the trip I'm going on. I did ask and she was even torn a bit but I encouraged her to stick with the family plans - which is yet another reason she says she likes me - because I care about more than just me or her, ask about her family, work, etc. I really hope I get to meet one of these duchebags as she calls them that she has dated. Sounds like it might be a fascinating meet and greet. LOL

So I'm perhaps a step lower on the interest meter but still pretty much up there. I'm actually in some ways glad we did not see each other this weekend as I think it's serving to build interest and attraction for the next time.

This is really more of an observation based on your posts than anything, but for someone who keeps downplaying your interest in this woman for various reasons (age, drinking, wildness), you seem to care an awful lot about her family and her friends and how they perceive you. You display a reticence to label this as anything beyond dating and continually mention that you are going slow, which is totally fine, but sometimes your own description of your thoughts belies that a bit. I think you are more smitten than you care to acknowledge or admit. You keep up pretty closely as to when you'll talk and when you won't and that sort of thing. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying any of that is bad, just saying that seems to indicate a deeper level of interest than you are saying is there. Just some food for thought...................................

[doodler]

While I understand your reasons for not asking now, 6 months is not that far out and will creep up on you in no time and she'll need time to make arrangements so this is not something you can wait til a few weeks out then ask. Trust me on this one.........I'm thinking like a woman. If someone were going to invite me on a cruise, I would want him to do so sooner than later, so that I had ample time to plan my wardrobe (and I'm not nearly as a big a clotheshorse as many I know), and probably shape up a bit, not to mention make arrangements at work and for the care of my child while I was going to be gone having a good time.

Dawn,

He's holding out for me. And, I've already selected my wardrobe.

[kml]

I disagree - I think 6 months away is a little bit too far away to make plans with somebody you've only started dating - especially when she's so ambivalent. If you can wait another month before submitting a name I would.

[Dawgs]

While I understand your reasons for not asking now, 6 months is not that far out and will creep up on you in no time and she'll need time to make arrangements so this is not something you can wait til a few weeks out then ask. Trust me on this one.........I'm thinking like a woman. If someone were going to invite me on a cruise, I would want him to do so sooner than later, so that I had ample time to plan my wardrobe (and I'm not nearly as a big a clotheshorse as many I know), and probably shape up a bit, not to mention make arrangements at work and for the care of my child while I was going to be gone having a good time.

Dawn,

He's holding out for me. And, I've already selected my wardrobe.

Holy crap. Will you become one of the 20+? Inquiring minds want to know..

[Dawn70]

While I understand your reasons for not asking now, 6 months is not that far out and will creep up on you in no time and she'll need time to make arrangements so this is not something you can wait til a few weeks out then ask. Trust me on this one.........I'm thinking like a woman. If someone were going to invite me on a cruise, I would want him to do so sooner than later, so that I had ample time to plan my wardrobe (and I'm not nearly as a big a clotheshorse as many I know), and probably shape up a bit, not to mention make arrangements at work and for the care of my child while I was going to be gone having a good time.

Dawn,

He's holding out for me. And, I've already selected my wardrobe.

Good luck, doodler! I'm pulling for you.

[Dawn70]

I disagree - I think 6 months away is a little bit too far away to make plans with somebody you've only started dating - especially when she's so ambivalent. If you can wait another month before submitting a name I would.

See, that is what I like about this board, we all think differently. I totally get what you are saying and I totally get what Don said about waiting, but I just know if it were me and I was even being considered, I would want to know ASAP, but then again, I'm a planner, so that is on me.

[DonH]

but I just know if it were me and I was even being considered, I would want to know ASAP, but then again, I'm a planner, so that is on me.

I'll replay to some of the other comments - especially your well thought ones Dawn - but I almost made a post on another thread how much of the advice here is based on what the poster would want or would do - not necessarily what might be the best thing to do. In fact, I started to put together a post where someone said "I think I would want" and "If it were me" and "I don't like it when". There were well over a dozen "I" statements in this person's reply to the OP. I was going to quote them and then say "I, I, I, I, I - it's NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!!!" But I thought that was too mean and snarky even for me. I'm sure we are all guilty of it - including me. I just always at least try to consider what I've read or what experts suggest, what best practices are, etc. rather than what I would want or what I would do - because heck just because I would like it or do it doesn't mean it's the best way to handle it. Hard as it is, I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes and figure out what is best for THEIR situation rather than what might be best for me.

Very smart and sharp of you to point this out Dawn, and sort of tee it up for me. That said, you made some great points, many of which I agree with, and I'll try to comment on them here soon.

[kml]

Well I'll give some rationale for my opinion.

Six months would be an unnecessarily long time for most people to prepare for a cruise unless they have a job that requires six month notice for vacation.

Inviting her to something that far away presumes you will still be dating then which presumes you are in a relationship- she might take it as meaning more than you intend.

On the other hand I understand you are under a time crunch to give them a name. If the deadline is soon maybe there is some way you can present it so that it seems like less of a commitment? As in "I have to give them a name now, can I give them yours so that IF we're still dating then you could go?"

[Dawn70]

but I just know if it were me and I was even being considered, I would want to know ASAP, but then again, I'm a planner, so that is on me.

I'll replay to some of the other comments - especially your well thought ones Dawn - but I almost made a post on another thread how much of the advice here is based on what the poster would want or would do - not necessarily what might be the best thing to do. In fact, I started to put together a post where someone said "I think I would want" and "If it were me" and "I don't like it when". There were well over a dozen "I" statements in this person's reply to the OP. I was going to quote them and then say "I, I, I, I, I - it's NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!!!" But I thought that was too mean and snarky even for me. I'm sure we are all guilty of it - including me. I just always at least try to consider what I've read or what experts suggest, what best practices are, etc. rather than what I would want or what I would do - because heck just because I would like it or do it doesn't mean it's the best way to handle it. Hard as it is, I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes and figure out what is best for THEIR situation rather than what might be best for me.

Very smart and sharp of you to point this out Dawn, and sort of tee it up for me. That said, you made some great points, many of which I agree with, and I'll try to comment on them here soon.

Totally get it. And I totally am guilty of posting to someone saying things like "IF IT WERE ME" because here's the thing....I'm replying to their post with MY opinion, so "if it were me" is totally relevant to me. In my opinion, which may be totally different from yours, this is the beauty of this site.....we can post something that is obviously how we think and feel and then others can post on it based on their thoughts and feelings, which may or may not match ours. I'm not saying you have to ask her now. You have to do what is right for you. That is how life works. I was just pointing out that if I were in your situation, and particularly if I was in WG's situation, I would want to know sooner rather than later. I understand and respect your reasons and also what kml said in her agreement with you that 6 months is too soon. You do you, man.........I wasn't suggesting otherwise. Merely pointing out that that there are other viewpoints. And, just for the record, I do try to offer well thought out comments (for the most part) because I appreciate the well thought out ones I receive and I do "listen" to them, even if they don't match my own already set hard-headed opinion. I'm a stubborn, hard-headed, redneck farm girl, so I can be kinda belligerent when I have to be. You don't get good at riding horses by not being able to snort back at a 1300 pound beast and hang on when they do their best to try to throw you to the ground. But that is another story for another time on my own post..............................