This is certainly not an easy situation. There is no one right and no one wrong way to go here. But the more you think about how your W views the things you do, the unhappier you will be. Remember, she is the one leaving, so she is painting everything you do the blackest of the black. If you give her money, you are controlling because you want to keep track what she spends it on. If you cut her off, you are controlling because you want her to be dependent on you.
The difference between the two choices is that the latter helps you detach. It is momentary. You cut her off and it is done, she can complain about it for the rest of her life, but she will simply be repeating herself over and over again.
The former choice, budgeting with her, leaves you in a continuous state of conflict. IMO it is lose-lose situation.
LOL. W got some kind of every-day-of-the-year horoscope book from the library. I think this is how she is going to find out if OM is her soulmate. 🤣
Me:30 W:31 S:4 M:7 T:12 PA: 5/6/18 - ? W moved out 7/18
Hahaha. Sounds about par for the course for a WW. Refuses to acknowledge a situation for what it is and deal with it like an adult, but trusts stars and planet alignment to predict the future...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
My WAW is into all the horoscopes has gone to psychics, tarot card readings even went on a womens spiritual empowerment retreat. Now she considers herself a soul coach and can officiate life transitional ceremonies- Like births deaths and marriage. How is that for a pile of SH!T. And this is the Godly woman that approached me at my church. Heaven help us!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
I would suggest asking her to leave immediately and do so in a kind and detached manner.
If she won't leave, I would take proactive daily notes on the interactions and record them, if you can do so without her legal consent.
Your best bet is detach, stay away, focus on you - GAL. Be the man and put yourself in a position where you can walk away with dignity and respect. You can't change someone else's feelings and even trying to show love at this point will come off as manipulative. Just let her do her thing and smile like the man you are.
I'm not sure why you would want to work on it with a cheater who openly wants out of the relationship. I personally would find that situation extremely draining and toxic. In fact, I know firsthand from my own experience.
We went to one MC session and the counselor validated all the negative garbage and lies my wife was spouting and basically told her to leave me. I was the guy who wanted to "fix" the marriage. I was the one who scheduled it and saw the counselor for IC for 2 weeks prior. I was the guy looking to do better for the relationship. Doesn't matter in the end, if they're already emotionally committed to leaving/cheating.
IC/MC won't always recommend saving a marriage, if they are presented a picture of abuse. Even if it's not factually accurate or skewed by an affair or whatever.
I'd suggest you find another counselor for yourself and just focus on GAL and your own health and wellness.
W has started packing today. If she keeps up at this rate she'll have about 20 boxes to move by Saturday. I just went around the house taking photos of anything of value that might be important later. Wish I knew where our house deed was. I don't think W knows where it is either. Oops.
Her cousin is visiting her tomorrow while I take son to 4th of July fun with my family. I'm excited about time with son. W's cousin is recently divorced herself with two kids, oldest same age as my son. Cousin's H had an affair last summer, which she immediately publicly called him out on FB for when she found out. I thought the damage W witnessed from that affair would have kept her from doing the same to me. That's something that hurts me the most. Anyway I expect them to pack more boxes tomorrow.
A friend's W just finished moving out of their house yesterday, D already filed. I spoke with him and he said even though you know it's coming, when it finally happens it still hurts immensely. I'm seeing that's probably going to be true for me too.
Me:30 W:31 S:4 M:7 T:12 PA: 5/6/18 - ? W moved out 7/18
I find myself wanting to confront W about affair, and stand up for myself, but I am hung up on what I can actually do that wouldn't just be controlling. I could close joint accounts saying I can't trust her with our finances, but legally our marital assets equally belong to her, and she is free to max out her own personal credit card. We are in a community property state so in divorce I would still be liable for her spending either way (I still am not sure wife understands how that works). Her using her own card would help me detach in that I wouldn't be hit daily by her purchases. And she is free to open up more credit cards, and she may claim I am financially abusing her. I also see that doing nothing isn't good for me either. W's behavior is costing me a lot of money, and there is no end in sight for her spending and affair.
i am a former Wayward Wife... the biggest mistake my H did was not confront me about my A when he first found out--which was in the beginning stages... he held onto the information for months and months before he finally "confessed." i know it's common practice here to keep it to yourself... i think that is the one of the weakest positions to be in, and i disagree with it whole-heartedly--with a CAVEAT!
when you confront, you must be ready to walk away... to kick the spouse out... to not put up with it in any way, shape or form... and to get on with your life--as in GAL...
please know that i am NOT saying that you must give up on your M... i am not saying that at all... i am saying that in order for you to have any chance at saving your M, you must be willing to let it go... that is coming from a point of STRENGTH...
the sooner you get there--the greater chance you will have in saving your M... mis dos cenatvos...
I just had a great long day with my son. Posting here's not how I really want my memories of today to end, so I'll keep this brief.
W spent the day at our house packing. She is moving out Saturday because she doesn't want to be with me. She has been saying she wanted to move out since last December. At this point I have only mildly confronted her about her affair, and since then our communication just deteriorated even more. We're both responsible for that breakdown in some ways. I'm finding it harder to speak to her since I'm really not all that interested in having any kind of relationship with her the more I have learned what she thinks of me and more of her behaviors and beliefs.
She's moving out in three days and packing all her things herself. What good would it do at this point for me to "pack up her stuff and kick her out"? I think I missed the boat on that opportunity, as I have with so many others. To do it now I think would just be picking a meaningless fight, like I am trying to make it seem like I am kicking her out when she clearly made the decision to leave all by herself. Legally I expect to be in a better position if it was her decision to leave anyway.
Me:30 W:31 S:4 M:7 T:12 PA: 5/6/18 - ? W moved out 7/18
This is certainly tough moment for you. It is good that you can spend good quality time with your son. You should focus on that.
You do not really know what she thinks of you. Do not trust what she does or says.
Not only it is completely useless to "kick her out", but it is actually very harmful. Why would you want to do that? To retaliate for the way she treated you? What good would that do? It is much better to focus on what is best for your son (it is certainly in his best interest that his parents get along well), as well as GAL and detaching.
She's moving out in three days and packing all her things herself. What good would it do at this point for me to "pack up her stuff and kick her out"? I think I missed the boat on that opportunity, as I have with so many others. To do it now I think would just be picking a meaningless fight, like I am trying to make it seem like I am kicking her out when she clearly made the decision to leave all by herself. Legally I expect to be in a better position if it was her decision to leave anyway.
you are full of excuses... you will not get her back with your current mind set... in addition, i did not tell you to pack her things and kick her out... not literally... yes--you are passed that point... but you need to get there emotionally... figuratively...
you are in a place of timidity... weakness... and she knows it... if you want the slightest chance of saving your M, you need to move on... let her go... GAL... adelante, hombre...
