I just found out that W has been telling people that she is scared of me, and that she's afraid I will hurt her and S.
Today, she picked up S early from the sitter. She told the sitter this afternoon that she can never bring him back here again.
I don't know what's happening. But I do know that now she's stepping into a place where I'm going to have to actually get an attorney (and I have no way to afford one) just to keep myself safe.
I'm devastated. I've been trying to stay away. I've been actually going out of my way to avoid her and give her space.
Yeah, you need to get an attorney pronto. She is clearly trying to set things up to shut you out of your S life. That is what is happening. I understand you saying that you cannot afford an attorney, but you have to find some way to get some legal help here.
You need to protect your rights. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Try and calm down though, you need to keep a cool head about this. Unless you have actually done something to warrant such action from her, you need to approach this rationally.
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
Probably a stupid question, but does anyone know of anyone doing DB that's managed to be successful when things escalate to this level?
I'm definitely going to protect myself, however I have to do it. But going from married to this in four months seems kind of...freaking sadistic.
In a way, reading about WW, they almost seem tame compared to this level of mental and emotional assault. It's almost as though it's DESIGNED to force me to give up all hope.
I don't believe that W ever had this level of malice in her. I know for a fact she doesn't. And YES, I understand that she's making these choices. But it is absolutely not a normal situation, and I know for a FACT she's not working alone to do this.
Firstly she is frightened for herself and yes it can be her emotion without foundation and it can be genuine. I did ask if you were controlling because a couple of your comments came across that way. This might mean that W feels it's your way or the highway.
You dismissed my clean questions immediately without reflection. Is this usual for you with feedback.
The second explanation is that it's a tactic on her part
Either way you need an L.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
mac, I've been warning you for a few days now. I could tell from her behavior that she was trying to provoke you. What is happening is that she has run out of patience with trying to provoke you and is now has move to false accusations.
bm, the end goal here is likely to get full custody and have to deal with you as little as possible. She has already made it clear with the "don't come to the appointment" and moving it that she doesn't want to deal with you, and she also realizes that likely she will be doing this until your S is 18.
Remain calm. As you already know get a lawyer. If you haven't been told this it always gets worse before it gets better. Keep on focusing on you.
It is clear that when you didn't promise her not to be at the next appointment that pushed her over the edge. Just keep doing what you've been doing and get a an attorney.
mac, everyone says that can't afford a lawyer, but you need to look at it that you can't afford to NOT have a lawyer.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
If she has had someone whispering in her ear some strategy to "set you up" (false allegations, etc.) then forget DBing and saving the relationship, at this time. Take every caution to protect yourself. Sometimes, you just have to completely remove yourself from their life. You don't want anything to be seen as pressure. So, go dark as midnight. No more glimpses. No contact.
It really bothers me how quickly and how often we are seeing this sort of thing happen. Don't be alone with her, ever. Don't take her bait if she tries to meet with you alone. Don't talk over the phone and let her get you angry (she may be recording). Stay as far away as possible.
Don't try to address this issue with her. It is a trap. Leave her alone.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm not. It's just really hurtful to see that, and to know that she's tearing apart a family that really loves her for no real reason.
I don't want to fight in court. I want to R. I'm not saying that to her. I'm trying not to chase, and I'm getting better at it. But it's like one slap in the face after another.
That is the way to go. The good news is that you will get even better with it, and will eventually not even notice when you get new slaps in the face. Just focus on your goals and ignore what she does. What she does and says reflects only her, not you.
This morning things got more difficult, but after some research I got it all figured out.
I was issued a CTW this morning, so I can't go to W apartment or her friends w/o getting in trouble.
I thought she did this to cut me off, but it turns out that it was a misunderstanding on the part of the person I spoke with at the DC's office and the person at the constable's office. She was on the phone with the constable's office, misspoke (I corrected her, but that didn't get relayed). So the constables thought they needed to figure out what was going on.
They showed up at W apartment this morning saying that I had made a complaint alleging that W and her friend were having an affair (which is the part that I corrected with the DC's office, I told them no, they're just friends). They were checking up on me to figure out if I was trying to threaten harm against her friend. She validated that I was not violent, which was good. She explained what was going on, at least what her perception of it was. They recommended that she issue the CTW, and she was understandably nervous, so she agreed and went ahead.
I had gone to the office to try to figure out how to do an information request to figure out if he was using work resources to check up on me, but I didn't lodge any complaints or make that accusation.
Basically, she made an emotional decision based on misinformation. Which, unfortunately, has consequences. She didn't think this through logically, and made a big mistake that could affect the divorce case.
W's sister reached out to me to try to figure out what was happening. She talked to W, who agreed that she could tell me her side. I listened and gave her the accurate info from my side.
She didn't ask W, but she asked me if I'd be willing to work something out so I could still see S.
I told her I was willing to work something out, but until W fixes the mess she made with her emotionally fueled decisions, there's legally nothing I can do to see him. Even though it totally violates my parental rights.
She went with emotions, and made a huge mess.
I am still working on finding an attorney, and I stressed to her sister that I will protect myself and neither contact W nor attempt to go near her (still contact) until she figures this out herself, because even if she means to let me see S, I can't trust that she won't make another emotional decision that will land me in hot water with the law.
She said "it sounds like you're being stubborn." I replied "well, the law is kind of stubborn."
So the good news is that I'm not falling for a trap.
The bad news is that until this gets cleared up, I'm stuck.
And it still doesn't explain the panic yesterday that W went into, but at least I know to avoid contact, and I am not asking anyone to try to contact her.
