Make sure you take care of yourself. Do what needs to be done - meds, therapy etc. GAL helps with anxiety big time. You have very little time for low level anxiety when you do white water rafting and your head is under water 50% of the time
For me, the strength is in facing that hopelessness head on. Tasting it. Dwelling in it for a bit and letting it wash over me. The strength is knowing that I will survive this even if it will forever sadden me.
So well put Davide, I read somewhere that LBS should make sure to make the most out of the grief they feel, get their money's worth and there is no healing that will last unless you grieve completely before moving on. Oh, how I would love to do a crazy good white water rafting trip right now! Let the waters wash away the worries.
Absolutely. But it is so hard to completely grieve while you are still in limbo. Even if I am 99% sure that this wont work out, it is impossible not to hold onto that 01% chance that it does work out. I loved my W with my whole heart, and the worst part of it all is that she knows that and recognizes that, and even recognizes that she loved me the same way. I opened up my soul to her in a way that I have never done before. As horrible as it is to say, it would be easier to grieve if she had suddenly died. (I dont want that, nor would I ever want that, so please dont take it that way.) It would be easier to acknowledge that reciprocal love and how much that meant if she were gone with no hope of coming back, nor with the complications of her walking away from the R.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
It is said that it is harder to grieve someone that is still alive because there is not really ever final closure because you know that person still exists. With that being said I feel your pain Davide. I too have opened the depths of my soul only to my W and she knows she holds the key. I have a reminder in my S everyday about my W both good and bad. I'm trying to focus on the good. He is what is keeping me going this far. Blessings my friend!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Davide...for so many of us the words you write, how you feel are the exact same things we are all going through at this time. May God bless you with grace, peace, patience and strength. You are not alone!
Thanks folks. I appreciate the support. I dont know where I would be without all the advice and morale-boosting I have found here.
Yesterday was a good day as I met up with friends, but I ended up in the evening with a friend who drinks a lot and I really tried to hold back, but had 3 drinks in 4 hours. That was, seemingly, enough to screw up my sleep as I couldnt fall asleep until 3 a.m.
I also havent heard from the W since my trip began 11 days ago. However, yesterday I posted a "story" to instagram (I am somewhat techno-literate but I dont know what that really means other than it disappears after 24 hours) a video of a scene from a Senegalese bar I was in after Senegal won a World Cup game. Just silly singing and dancing. The thing I noticed later on in the day is that with the "stories" you can see (but the viewer cant) who has watched your "story" without them needing to like it or comment on it. This morning, I woke up to see that the W had watched my "story" last night, which means she probably has seen all of my pictures as well. It doesnt change a damn thing, but I am glad she is looking. I have some awesome artistic pictures and lots of me smiling and happy with friends and family. I look good, I look happy, and I am clearly getting on with my life.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Ooph... So I found out this morning that my friend who was involved in a bus crash while abroad with students has two punctured lungs, internal bleeding, and head trauma. He was in a medically induced coma but is evidently out of it now. Christ. I feel so bad for him, but also his wife and two girls.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
We all have thought it at some point Davide, when a spouse dies you just have to grieve a loving partner's untimely departure and as hard as it is there is still closure. Life dealt you a $hitty hand. But as a LBS the rejection of a loved one, the resentment and knowing that they willingly are wanting to get rid of us breaking up families is hard to bear. and the grief is not less in anyway. But at the end of the day, we can only think of them as they were and cherish that they are still alive.
Sorry to hear about your friend, here life is dealing some real bad luck to these folks, his wife and daughter especially and in our case our spouse are causing this self inflicted misery to all of us. I hope your friend recovers soon.
