WAW, MLC, or Both? Or Maybe WW? Need Help With How

[ovrrnbw]

Bewas, for me the biggest thing is not picking up after WW, fixing her messes, offering advice, or really even looking at her.

I just do my thing. Remember to look and be happy, like you just got laid. Text people, have fun. She'll hate that, and her curiosity will be piqued.

I have posted in a few threads, but meetup.Com is a good spot to go for GAL activities.

[Bewas]

So I've been thinking, does a person having a predisposition to mental illness (ie: moderate to severe depression) make the mental shift to being wayward more easily? I ask because my W has always been really affected by depression from before I even knew her. She's also had severe postpartum depression to which I do not think she's ever recovered completely? I'm just wondering if a connection has ever been able to be made?

Is there a history of mental illness in her family? I apologize if you've mentioned this, but did her OB/GYN prescribe meds for her postpartum depression?

It seems the majority of cases (on the board) about a WW........did mention they were experiencing depression on some level. I mean, they are unhappy in the the MR, which affects pretty much everything else. So, JIMHO, it would certainly make sense. It sure doesn't help the situation any. There have been several newcomers to ask similar questions.

Waywardness is not a disease or something forced on a person, but if they are already dealing with a mental health issue.......then it could make the situation more complexed. When suffering with additional issues, it could slow the recovery, reconciliation or piecing time. In some cases, it may require a change in medication or therapy, before the woman would feel ready to emotionally invest in the MR.

Look, if you don't want to ask her to leave, don't do it. That is a decision only you can make. Don't just look for an action to cause a reaction in her. Do what is best for you and the child. Look at it from that point of view.

These types of situations usually get worse before they get better. It may take lots of reality to shake her fantasy, or it may take a long time. If you aren't sure about an affair, then you may want to wait until you know for certain. The other day you started a post by saying she was definitely having an A, then came back and said you had misunderstood what you saw.

A lot of information is thrown at the newcomer. Take time to digest it before you jump off into something you are not prepared to face. So, don't ask her to leave, at the moment, b/c I'm concerned you are acting out of your emotions.

Hi Sandi,

Yes, there is definitely a history or depression with her going back before I even knew her apparently. Then it was made worse by the fact that she lost a LOT of blood during the birth of our son. That coupled with the extreme postpartum depression she experienced cause her a huge amount of anxiety and fear of death for a long time. Looking back now with clearer vision, I truly think she never did get over it and it's still very much there. She did not want to take any medication and has never been on any as she was scared they would make her feel emotionless. I'm also seeing that I don't think she's been the same person ever since then even after I figured she "recovered". I think it is definitely playing a part in this waywardness and out of character behavior. It just took some trigger to fully cause this transformation. It's been suggested to her by friends and family to see a doctor about the depression but she refuses as she thinks she is "fine".

I at this point do not believe there is an A or OM but every other aspect of what she is doing is fitting the WW to a T. The selfishness, narcissism and rash behavior is unreal at times. There still could be of course an OM but I haven't seen any proof. She has added a shape code to unlock her phone though all of the sudden. I've seen her use it from afar and know what it is but I haven't had a chance to check it. Haven't actually even been as curious lately...maybe that's the detachment setting in?

We had a pretty good row again yesterday. It seems she's getting the cold shoulder by her family now and of course is blaming me for it even though they are doing it on their own as they don't like what she's becoming. They see it for themselves and do not approve of breaking up our amazing little family for no good reason without even trying. Her reasons aren't really reasons to them as most normal people would work their problems out or at least try to. I can tell her till I'm blue in the face that it's their own decision and that it's basically her doing this to herself but it falls on deaf ears. I'm blamed for basically everything anyways at this point. I do however believe that this has really shook her...whether or not to my benefit is to be seen.

I asked her to leave yesterday morning during the fight as I can't take her anymore like this. It's just too difficult. I told her I couldn't kick her out, just that it would be best if she left considering that's what she has wanted since this started. I've got a pretty good plan in place for myself now so it won't be too bad on my own. She said I need to give her time to find a place and that she would go. I said fine. She later that day said that she has a friend willing to let her stay and that she was going to leave that night. It didn't happen. She came home late and said nothing of it. So at this point, I really have no clue what she is going to do in regards to moving out.

I saw your post about maybe waiting to ask her to leave, but later the same day after it was already done. Honestly, I'm feeling much more hardened the last few days. A lot less emotional lately as well. I'm just naturally feeling more detachment right now as well. Almost a month of being treated like dirt will do that to a person I guess.

I guess we will see how this all plays out over the next days/weeks.

Thanks!

[Bewas]

Bewas, for me the biggest thing is not picking up after WW, fixing her messes, offering advice, or really even looking at her.

I just do my thing. Remember to look and be happy, like you just got laid. Text people, have fun. She'll hate that, and her curiosity will be piqued.

I have posted in a few threads, but meetup.Com is a good spot to go for GAL activities.

Yea, her curiosity seems definitely piqued when she doesn't know what I'm up to. I took our truck this weekend and said I was gone till Sunday or Monday and I could tell it bothered the hell out of her that she didn't know what I was doing. She kept bringing it up hoping I would tell her but I stood my ground. Felt good tbh.

I'm definitely considering meetup.com at some point if this continued with her for too long. Would be nice to meet some new friends for sure and would help with GAL.

[Bewas]

Well, it was her birthday yesterday and I made sure to not even give it a thought and said nothing to her. She ended up going to a friends house for cake and got a ton of FB birthday wishes but came home in a pretty foul mood. Didn't say much to me but I could tell she wasn't happy. She pestered me a little bit about bill splitting going forward but other than that not much was said. One thing that was slightly odd was this was the first time she didn't seem to care me seeing her naked since this started...she came right out to me without anything on, though still seemingly angry. Since this started she had always tried to not let me see her naked anymore. Just seemed odd.

I've noticed that due to our shared google account, she's barely been sleeping. At all different times of the night there's app usage and it's all over the place. It's been this way for a bit now. I'm wondering if something is bothering her? Maybe it's something to do with whatever she is going through right now causing that? She's going to absolutely burn herself out and crash hard at some point if she keeps this up.

Today she went and bought herself a brand new truck. I don't really care as it's her own money moving forward. I suppose she will need transport as I'm the one getting the truck we already had. I still think she will be overspending herself as I don't think she has very good self control considering I was the one seeing what she was spending all the time and trying to rein her in.

I have yet to hear anything more about the supposed friend she was supposed to be moving in with...have no idea what's going to happen with this. Hasn't packed or said a word about it since. Hasn't said anything about lawyers either.

I'm planning on maybe going to some family for a couple days, even into the weekend possibly just to get away for a bit. She's going out with friends for drinks again tonight apparently from what I've been able to piece together and I just don't really even want to be around for when she gets home. I just simply don't want to be around the person she has become to me. It's sad as she is absolutely beautiful to look at and still "looks" like my W, but as soon as she opens her mouth or looks at me, it's evident that this isn't my W, just a an evil doppelganger of her.

I think I'll be starting a temporary job next week while I look for something in my actual field. Her parents are going to look after the little guy while I'm working as it will be in the same city they are in. I won't have to pay day care which is nice. I won't have to worry about that portion of this situation for now at least.

My situation is absolutely in Limbo territory right now. Things have seemingly gotten worse over the last week though but as I've heard, these situations almost always get much worse before they get better. I guess time will tell.

[Bewas]

Well I'm now almost positive of at least an EA with my W. She's as of last weekend or earlier now using a shape pin on her phone even though she had none before. She had swore in the past that she didn't have anything to hide. I however, didn't realize that I had access to her photo galleries through my google photo accounts. I got a prompt on my phone to look at "today's photo animation". I clicked on it and it took me to animation of her posing on her brand new truck in provocative positions. That wasn't necessarily the problem though. I clicked on the photo tab and was absolutely disgusted with what I saw.

As I scrolled through the photos, I began to see multiple times of her posting in extremely skimpy lengerie and completely nude photos. The times just after these photos were taken, she was on snapchat a minute or so after taking the photo according to my google activity timeline. Why else would she be on snapchat nude other than to snap them to someone?

I feel I need to confront her about it. She needs to know that I know. Especially as she is obviously hiding it from me and doesn't want me to know. I know a few of you on here have said that they need to be made aware that you know asap.

How should I handle this? I don't want this to get any worse. I mean at least this way, even if she does continue, she'll know that I know. She thinks she's been awfully careful. She's obviously hiding it for a reason even though we are separated though still living together.

Help!

[OrangeK]

Bewas,

I would wait for some Vets to weigh in also, but to my mind, that is WAY more than enough to confront about an EA. With Nudes sent i would even go so far as to call that a PA, and who knows if it has gotten to that point.

Its time for Alpha Bewas.

Re-Read Sandi's Rules, SEVERAL times.

Dont share the bed, Detach, Go dark, Make it VERY clear you will not share a sexual partner or be a cuck.

This may feel unnatural. I wish i had followed this advice, or known about it when i found out about my WW's affair.
It seems to be a general issue with Women in our age group, exp. around the big 30.
Its deplorable. Dont stand for it.

She may leave, say she wants space (to continue Affair...),
Act cool, act as if you dont care, let her spin down the path of the WW.

Keep us updated, best of luck man.

Check my sitch for a laundry list of what NOT TO DO.

Be stronger than i was, dont beg, dont plead, Drop the Nice Guy BS, and be Alpha.

[Bewas]

How should I confront her about this though??

I'm not sure how to go about this properly.

Do I just act like it's not a big deal even though it is? I know you said to act cool but I don't know, that will be hard. I know we are technically separated but it's barely been a month since it started. I just feel like she needs to know I know. I just need to know how to go about it exactly. I just feel it's going to get heated...

[Bewas]

Well I'm now almost positive of at least an EA with my W. She's as of last weekend or earlier now using a shape pin on her phone even though she had none before. She had swore in the past that she didn't have anything to hide. I however, didn't realize that I had access to her photo galleries through my google photo accounts. I got a prompt on my phone to look at "today's photo animation". I clicked on it and it took me to animation of her posing on her brand new truck in provocative positions. That wasn't necessarily the problem though. I clicked on the photo tab and was absolutely disgusted with what I saw.

As I scrolled through the photos, I began to see multiple times of her posting in extremely skimpy lengerie and completely nude photos. The times just after these photos were taken, she was on snapchat a minute or so after taking the photo according to my google activity timeline. Why else would she be on snapchat nude other than to snap them to someone?

I feel I need to confront her about it. She needs to know that I know. Especially as she is obviously hiding it from me and doesn't want me to know. I know a few of you on here have said that they need to be made aware that you know asap.

How should I handle this? I don't want this to get any worse. I mean at least this way, even if she does continue, she'll know that I know. She thinks she's been awfully careful. She's obviously hiding it for a reason even though we are separated though still living together.

Help!

Any other suggestions on how to handle confronting my W?

[OrangeK]

How are YOU doing? what are YOU doing to improve?

Start working on some heavy self analysis. Its so necessary.

Make a list of goals, what you want in life. What you want in a partner, things you need to improve on, things you need to start doing or start doing again.

How will you GAL?
What 180's shall you aim for?

What VALUE do you have?
What FLAWS do you have?
How did you contribute to downfall of MR?
What did you do right that you wouldnt change?

Ask the hard questions, i didn't early on and paid for it.

Do you want someone who will betray your trust?
Do you want someone who doesn't want you?
Do you want to torture yourself everyday while the person you are suffering for walks all over you?

If your BEST FRIEND was going through what you are, what advice would you give them?

[sandi2]

I go back to what I have originally said. You are already separated, so what benefit is there in confronting her about photos, snap chat, etc.? If she says it is none of your business, then what is your next step?