Curious as to what her next move will be? She knows im on to her and she knows that i will request that the kids stay with me if she want to continue with girls gone wild. I know there are at least a few people that have her ear...all divorced! They say misery loves company!
Not only does it love company. But a lot of divorces women go through as period of man hating especially when they are between men, and maybe but givin finding a new one too easily.
So they poison the well for other married women. Think the man hating sister in Jerry Maguire. Which was a very accurate portrayal of what I'm talking about.
Unfortunately you can't control who she associates with. But you can understand them. Knowing the enemy is a powerful weapon. As you make her reality different than what she's hearing from her little "First Wives Club " circle, there's a chance her eyes still open to the truth.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Curious as to what her next move will be? She knows im on to her and she knows that i will request that the kids stay with me if she want to continue with girls gone wild. I know there are at least a few people that have her ear...all divorced! They say misery loves company!
Man that's how my WW is. They can't pick good people for their support group bc then they would have no support! That's what my counselor said anyhow.
And I'm not saying that a good person would speak up and tell them flat out "you're wrong", but they'd hear some crazy WW bullstuff and look at the WW like "holy cow". Your WW knows this, that's why she picks who she associates with carefully.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Sounds about right. I never even knew she was friendly with these people until this past winter. I can only imagine the conversations....oh, you will be so much happier,etc. All bs. My youngest son mentioned it a few months ago while we were at dinner that his mother was texting this girl she works with and my son was like, oh shes texting so n so, shes always texting her. And this girl works for the guy that i would classify as the OM. And they dont have the normal manager/employee relationship as i witnessed on Facebook. She added some reddish highlights and her boss/om suggested she go redder cause its sexy???? Not to mention this guy has people take pictures of him working so he can put on Facebook. Pathetic!!!
Man that's how my WW is. They can't pick good people for their support group bc then they would have no support! That's what my counselor said anyhow.
Exactly right. They seek out enablers. They are like alcoholics that want to be told it's not just OK to drink, but a great idea. So they look for alcoholic friends to hang out in bars with them. Anyone that suggests they might be an alcoholic and should stop their reckless behavior is immediately booted to the curb and replaced with another enabler.
My ex had an enabler that had just left her husband. They would go out drinking together and having a great old time talking about their new swinging single lifestyles. The enabler went out and got a dragonfly tramp stamp with "she finally flies free" in Latin underneath it. 6 months later she was right back at home with her H acting like nothing ever happened. Who can figure out all this craziness.
This phenomenon resonates with me a lot because three of my husband's friends got divorced for really lame reasons and his other two best friends and younger brothers are single. Obviously those are not the best role models for a man experiencing challenges within marriage. My husband has also made remarks like "all the physicians at work are divorced" and "50% of the population gets divorced so it's common." I don't know what comes first - the enablers have already been around for a while or our spouses seeking those enablers. I've often felt that if my husband had just one or two positive influencers in his life that he'd make better decisions, but clearly he's avoiding those types of people. Just like your wife Fmly1st, you know her family would correct her but I guess she's avoiding them and affiliating with her divorced girlfriends because they support the lifestyle she's seeking. I'd like to know the trajectory that these types follow - is this a stage and when someone comes along and tells them they're making a huge mistake do they listen and snap out of it? Or does it reach a point where no one can influence them anymore?
I think its so very sad that a person could encourage the breakup of a family. Even when i was single, i would never engage a marries woman from that perspective...totally off limits. Not to mention there are pleny of fish in the sea. Why would i want to get into something like that or be a part of breaking up a family. The problem with today is that its so easy to get divorced that people are not willing to put in the effort to make it work. And the enablers have a huge platform to spread there message, whether it be facebook, instagram, etc.
No wonder why my wife doesnt really see some of her cousins n friends that are happily married anf that im close with. Doesmt suit her lifestyle anymore.
What really bothers mr is that if/when my situation really falls apart i will probably have to have a conversation with her parents. And u dont want to lie and put on this unified front charade like she mentions. I would rather tell the truth that i was committed to this m and all ive been doing is everything for the kids and house. Im not the one that has crashed off roads,at 2am or sitting on her phone for 3 hours a nighg while i sit with my kids doing homework or playing a game. Its soooooooo sad!!!
One area i stuggle with is how im supposed to treat my w. We are still living together but she has already expressed that she doesnt want to stay married. I accepted and we had agreed to work on our communication so that we could effevtively coparent and there wouldnt be resentment and hatred. Its just that ive caught her in so many lies culminating with her applying to rent a house for her and my 3 kids without telling me. Even though we had an agreement in place that when it came time that she would stay in the house so my kids wouldnt be uprooted and they could finish school.
And obviously there is a lot of red flags pointing to a relatuonship with a guy at work. Coincidentally who is divorced, but is not the guy who gave her a referral for a divorve atty in his town. Ya right??? I really had the blinders on.
So after i discovered house application i really couldnt even look at her and would only give a quick one word answer to a question. As i mentioned, things boiled over the other night and i told her that i know what shes been up to and that its disgusting and that she should move out if she wants to live that way. She really didnt respond except for saying that she now wants to do some work to the house. So im wondering how i should treat her while we are still in this limbo stage? Any help appreciated!
The best suggestion I have heard is the the cashier at the store. You are friendly and polite but you are not interested in their life at all. When she is home you should be out or in another room.
The work on the house is BS she is buying time so she can have the best of both worlds.
Man that's how my WW is. They can't pick good people for their support group bc then they would have no support! That's what my counselor said anyhow.
Exactly right. They seek out enablers. They are like alcoholics that want to be told it's not just OK to drink, but a great idea. So they look for alcoholic friends to hang out in bars with them. Anyone that suggests they might be an alcoholic and should stop their reckless behavior is immediately booted to the curb and replaced with another enabler.
My ex had an enabler that had just left her husband. They would go out drinking together and having a great old time talking about their new swinging single lifestyles. The enabler went out and got a dragonfly tramp stamp with "she finally flies free" in Latin underneath it. 6 months later she was right back at home with her H acting like nothing ever happened. Who can figure out all this craziness.
Very true, they share a lot in common with addiction. It's much easier to live in that world than fight through pain in the real world.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
