Nicole - yeah for sure. In my case, I also never put my needs and priorities on the table during the MR. So, waking up early to accomplish my goals was never even something I put real effort into. I also didn't have the mental strength and the wisdom that I have gained in the last year in how to approach my goals without beating myself up and taking small steps. I would try to make huge changes overnight, which was so unrealistic. But I didn't know how else to do it and when I failed it fed into my narrative of being a failure etc etc.
I guess I wish I had also created space to focus on myself so that I could've been a healthier partner and parent. It wasn't impossible, but I didn't have the tools and the right way to self-reflect.
Ste7e - yeah, I know what you mean. I experimented with my schedule to see if my estimates of how long things will take match up to reality. And I realized I was pretty close to my predictions. What helped me get into sleep mode was to set 15 minutes as winding down time - turn on the alarm, put the screen away, meditate for 5 mins, and then lie down. When I do that, I almost fall asleep instantly or within 5 mins.
So try out different things and see what's holding you back in terms of getting to bed on time. One thing that was messing up my goal of getting everything done and getting to bed on time, was working out in the evenings. I changed it to working out in the mornings and it's way better for my schedule.
Hi Maika, hope you are too busy having fun and GALing and havent found time to update. Just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing. I am working on some goals for myself on my own thread and since you are the Goals King I wanted to see if you can give me some input. Keep having fun.
I do intermittent journaling here to just put my thoughts down, and writing helps me think through and also get it out of my system.
I feel like I am at a new level of detachment in the last little while. J9's recent turn of events kinda brought reality into focus for me, and I've always joked that he is a few steps ahead of me and what happens with him gives me a glimpse into my near future.
So I put myself through the mental process of accepting that W has an OM, even though I don't know about anything she does and I haven't come across any real evidence. I know she went on a few dates early after BD and had an EA around and prior to BD - she won't admit it ever, but I put the timelines of things together and it doesn't add up to anything else.
Anyways, as I allowed myself to explore my thoughts and emotions about finding out about an OM and her being in a relationship with someone else, I didn't quite get the emotional and mental reaction that I thought I would. I know this is just a mental exercise and when it happens in reality, it will affect me in the beginning. But I was surprised that I was fairly unfazed by it - even putting the worst mental movies through my head. I don't recommend people doing that voluntarily lol. I just let my mind wander and it went to the worst scenarios and I let myself explore that and feel that. All I came back with was disgust and less respect for her. But I didn't feel the urge to compare myself to this potential OM and that it was a reflection of me and didn't feel feelings of failure.
So, after that, I went to sleep last night and I had a bizarre vivid dream. I don't remember all the details but it was like a surreal situation. W was taking a flight somewhere and it was understood that it was for good. Random people from my life showed up in the dream doing interesting things and someone was trying to soothe me while W was being all frantic and anxious about getting packed and leaving. I was kinda pursuing her around the house and just observing what she was doing, but still pursuing her. I didn't tell her to stop or reconsider. The backgrounds would change dramatically with new people coming in doing random things - kinda like scenes from the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
I woke up not feeling anxious or stressed, but just kinda feeling a little weird. Kinda like waking up and realizing that the dream was not real, even though it felt super real in my mind.
It was kinda fascinating and I wonder if it was my subconscious or underlying consciousness fighting my conscious mind as it is moving more towards new levels of detachment. As if my subconscious is having a hard time letting go, or realizing that W is on the precipice of being lost forever. What was also surprising is that even though I was physically following W around, so definitely pursuit, but I wasn't talking her into staying. I actually don't remember telling her anything at all.
I know this is all strange and some of y'all might be thinking what did he drink or smoke last night lol. Don't worry, it was none of that. I don't have vivid dreams usually and when I do, they are hyper real and I remember most of the details.
I feel like I am getting to a good place and maybe this was my mind catching up to how I am feeling generally.
I know this is all strange and some of y'all might be thinking what did he drink or smoke last night lol. Don't worry, it was none of that. I don't have vivid dreams usually and when I do, they are hyper real and I remember most of the details. .
I believe our subconscious mind functions at a higher level than we can perceive. You may be right, you are ready for the next level of detachment perhaps. Eternal Sunshine - I have been thinking about that movie for 2 weeks now, so apt right now, havent had a chance to watch it though. I watched it years ago in the honeymoon phase of my R, wonder how it will feel now.
I know this is all strange and some of y'all might be thinking what did he drink or smoke last night lol.
Or eat...........dam M I feel like I am on a cosmic journey. I am glad you put yourself through the exercise.....I had not done that in a long time and looking back I wish I would have done it more.
I guess we avoid thinking about this stuff, and rightfully so in the beginning as we should be focusing on ourselves, but at some point this reality has to be accepted and get past it. I am in a place where I am fairly grounded and excited about my future that I can handle it. I don't think six months ago this would've been the case.
It also helps to realize and keep in focus that you don't want your partner back like they were before. I am acutely aware of what are my non-negotiables in a R and W has a bunch of them. So, if I were to meet her today and we went on some dates, it wouldn't lead to anything.
It is kinda weird cosmic surreal journey filled with anger, pain, hope, compassion, sadness, strength, and sheer will. I've been thinking about being an LBS is floating in space with no help in sight. Gotta figure out how to get over the panic and then chart a plan to get back to earth. But, while you're floating over the earth, you see all the destruction, but also all the beauty of the planet. And you choose to get back to be part of that beauty and understand that destruction isn't going to stop your drive to live a full life.
I am on my way back to the ground to be with the beauty.
I think it's the timing of you coming to the realization she may be with an OM. I did this around BD becasue she admitted to her A when I provided proof. I went through all the same scenarios (like you I don't recommend) but then I found out who most of the EA/PA's were and I unfortunately started to compare myself with them. I don't encourage this one either!!
Also, were you able to check out Brene' Brown yet? Got to go, GAL weekend for me! Have a good one!
