Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #4

[Woke_Up]

W has just informed me that she plans on taking a trip to the US in January and will *possibly* be meeting OM as a result.

She says she is prepared to be alone as a result.

Man, sorry to hear that. So how do you feel about that? What's your next step?

Take stock. I guess this is it. I've told her that there is no coming back from this. Same thing I told her a year ago.

I'm still mentally processing this at the minute. Luckily W is going to be house sitting for her mother this weekend, so I won't have to see her much.

Next steps:
Talk to L
Talk to accountant.
Get individual counselling (still not done that).

It's too early for me to know exactly what is going to happen, but I guess getting the house in a state to sell will be necessary. She did talk about that last week, which was a change of position for her. Now I see why. Luckily there's not too much to do. Glad I didn't buy into this whole 'get a campervan' thing she wanted to, that would be more money I'd be out of pocket.

Then I guess we will need to sit down and talk.

[Woke_Up]

Journalling:

W texted later to say she didn't know what she was doing really. I responded, probably more than I should, but told her to think, to spend the upcoming months thinking, but it was in her hands, it was her decision.

Yesterday evening, after phoning D5 (I am working away still) - D5 said she loved me. W said 'ILY'.

I'm reading nothing into this other than she is confused, at best, manipulative at worst. I am not taking any hope from it. I am resigning myself to full separation, including the sale of the house.

[Woke_Up]

More journaling:

Yesterday W got pissed off. When she's told me about her plans to visit OM I got in a spin and impulsive texted OM's father asking him to intervene. I got his number off a public website- anyway, I assumed nothing had come of this, but evidently it had.

Anyway, later she told me she wasn't talking to him any. Lee, but was going to save up to get a nice caravan to live in until the house sells and she can buy a place of her own. I didn't respond.

Since then we've just exchanged texts about D5, who was ill last night.

I'm not putting any credibility into what W says, but will plan on the house going on the market in the New Year.

[Woke_Up]

She is still talking to him. As expected. Carry on with plan.

[Woke_Up]

Journalling:
Still working away Monday - Friday.
Latest contract is happy for me to work from home on a Friday, which helps.
AS for GAL, I train 3-4 times a week, but that's it. Weekends spent with D5 or working round the house & garden.

Still in limbo. Sometimes we fight, sometimes we ML, sometimes it's normal-ish, sometimes it's alien.
Nothing moving on the house, really. Will talk to the real estate agent soon.

L advised to work out the post sep living arrangements, as she sees that as key, including thinking of ways for W to be able to afford a mortgage. She even suggested seeing if we could split the equity more favorably and I act as guarantor on a mortgage for W, seeing as D is only 5 and I will need to provide a home (with W) for her until she finishes full time education (as well as a home with me).

Christmas will be here soon, and W is buying presents, including for me. I've got some things for her too. Will try and make it a happy time for the kids.

2018 will see some changes.

[Vanilla]

Woke up

A trip to the USA may do one of a number of things. Likely she will find OM is a pock marked introvert who lives with his mother, is M, and a big fat liar. A long con. An Internet trickster. Unrequited stuff can be fascinating. Scarlet O'Hara syndrome.

Let her go, if it is less than true lurve, reality will bite.....

This sort of stuff is delusion and a start of a type of mental illness, hormonal delusions of the type that Sandi posts and describes. EA long distance is tough enough and a cover for something deeper, I am minded of MCS whose WW decompensated after a long time fascination with a POM who led her on, because it was flattering his ego. Or RD whose WW chased an alcohol with drug problems.

Both of these wonderful men did the most important thing, put their children first. This board is full of amazing men who did so, Joe whose WW got involved in the sex trade is another.....

Your children need your stability not the madness of a deteriorating mother.

Just offering support

V

[Surfer]

Chap,

Hows it going?

Hope the Chimp Paradox made sense.

Surfer.

[Woke_Up]

Chap,

Hows it going?

Hope the Chimp Paradox made sense.

Surfer.

Yo, Surfer... been a while.

Yes, Chimp paradox was a good book. Lent it to my S (who is now 19), who managed to let his dog destroy it

How's your life panning out?

Believe it or not, I'm still muddling through this situation - I guess we've been officially separated for a couple of years now, although living under the same roof. W built a cabin in the garden with some inheritance she had, so she moved into that last weekend. She's in a position where she wants to start dating, after a spell on tinder. OM in America was still on the scene until a couple of months ago, but they've argued and stopped talking.

Looking at selling the house again in 2020 - last sale attempt fell through last year when the buyers pulled out.

I'll check back in... hopefully won't be another 18 months!