I would ask to meet with him and have a man to little man lol talk and make it clear they have a father and you ask that he treats them and your W with nothing but respect.
Are you serious? You had a lol in there? I thought about doing that but at the end of the day does it matter? I don't want to come across as being a jerk. I told my EW that I trusted her and if she felt it was right then I don't really have a need to meet him. Even if I didn't like him it isn't like she is going to stop dating him.
So, I met OW 3-4? years in I think, AFTER they were married, when I really had to. My D was almost 4 when I met her. My ex had surgery that left him house bound and he couldn't come down the stairs to get our D. I had to exchange with OWW, so that's how we met. Then she had her preschool graduation, dance recitals, ect.....
I often share my story about her preschool graduation. I agreed for my D's sake to go and have dinner with his family and OWW at a hibachi after the graduation. This was our first time all together. So, D was on one side of me, exH was on the other, OW was on the end on the other side of exH, and his sister and H and exFIL and his GF were there.
My ex and I used to go to a local Hibachi often and I like certain foods he didn't and vice versa, so we would always "exchange" Well, he began eating off of my plate like he used to right in front of her! Then exSIl, exH, and I got in a convo about people we used to go to school with (we all graduated the same high school within 3 consecutive years). She was sitting on the end of the table, looking completed left out and tries to change the subject and interject, but it was awkward for HER. The whole thing was awkward for HER, not me!
No need to just "have a meeting". When an event comes, maybe then, and it doesn't have to be a long thing. I had one exBF meet my exH, and they basically just shook hands and introduced themselves. That's it.
Thanks everyone, as always each of you have made me feel better (Ned and D as well). Sometimes this place is better than therapy and I am so glad I can turn to you all for advice and direction. This is all just a mental process for me.
I think I will just wait for an event. I did tell my EW to let me know when she would be introducing them and she said she would. When she does I will probably just have another quick conversation with her over the details, let her know my stance, and that meeting him before said event would be just fine. I know I came off a little upset when she first told me but I suppose that was bound to happen. I just don't it to linger as we move forward with this co-parenting R. As I indicated earlier I am find myself mentally making the shift.
Oh......I did ask the teacher out. I'll keep you guys posted.
I understand your mixed emotions regarding the teacher. It's a huge mental shift to make. If you're not ready to take that step, then don't. You will eventually. Remember, though, there has to be a first time.
As far as OM, I suggest you meet him him the parking lot before any event takes place so it's not awkward, shake his hand, and while you've got him locked in place, kick him as hard as you can in the nuts. Then say "No hard feelings, but that's what you get when you sleep with another man's wife."
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
Hey Jim......I am more excited about it now, looking forward to her responding to me. The board helped me get my head right.
Man that would be great, who knows what she had told him about her and I but obviously they have their own issues to work through. I know my EW and eventually her colors will start to show but who knows maybe they will grow old together!
Anyway, I will keep my head held high and not give them the satisfaction. The universe has a funny way of dealing with people like them.
Man, I feel like I grow so much more every time something changes in your sitch. It's like I am watching my future unfold before it actually happens.
Reflecting on what you just went through and how I am most likely going to see that in my sitch as well - just remembered a couple of weird things that W did and I am sure it wasn't just nothing.
With her EA and 'dates', I fully accepted that something has probably been going on since BD, but I have zero evidence of it. Just like you, I haven't found anything and didn't snoop so nothing to go on.
I have been fully preparing myself for the same thing and her to bring up D in the summer. I know when it actually happens I will feel a dick punch, as LH so eloquently put it lol. But, I feel so much more detached about it now. I even put myself through the worst mental movies about it and I wasn't really affected by it - that's also due to the fact that I have truly come to understand that our intimate life really $ucked for me and I don't want to go back to that. So someone new can experience all that awesome nothingness lol.
Anyways, kinda feeling really good about everything lately.
Looking forward to hearing an update about the teacher. Let EW do her thing - if she hasn't put in the work on herself, she's going to down a path of nothingness. Just watch from the sidelines and crack open a beer. By the time she looks back, you're going to be worth your weight in gold and out of her reach.
Thanks M - you have definitely turned yourself into a machine! It has been very cool to watch and I am honored.
I agree our paths are very very similar. Try to believe and accept with all your heart that your W has been or is with someone else. I would encourage you to not shy away from it or give her the benefit of the doubt like other posters do (just because there is no proof). I know you won't but just really embrace it.
I would say this.....her telling me she wanted to move forward with D and standing in front of the judge as he signed off on it was not nearly as bad as finding out about OM. That was a kick in the dick, a donkey punch, an elbow off the top turnbuckle. That stung pretty bad even though we have been separated for a year.
I appreciate your vote of confidence, I really hope what you describe comes true. Waiting for the teacher to respond, I just threw down the gauntlet LH style.
