Yep....A dick punch is an understatement. It was not as bad a BD but worse than standing in front of the judge. It is hard to keep those mental pictures at bay of your EW being with another man. I just keep on reminding myself of everything we have learned which is helping me move forward.
It probably would have been easier if I was dating and had meant someone else but obviously they are way ahead of us emotionally and as you know we are playing catch up. Since that is not the case and the girls I am talking to keep flaking out on me your ego takes a shot as well.
If she hadn't felt it before she will definitely feel the hole now. That part angers me the most, the feeling of being used. I can accept OM (we are D'd) and him meeting my girls (just part of the process) but how it went down is not cool. I get really tired of being the bigger person but I know if I said something I would regret it later. Maybe I should have been harder on her, pulled back more than I did but I don't think it would have mattered in my sitch. Maybe in others but not in mine.
This sounds horrible and if OW9 was a gf rather than an OW then it would be.
I was very relieved the G found someone else, takes the pressure of me entirely. But knowing how abusive he is I sometimes feel guilty that I didn't press charges. It could only be better if OW10 was in Alaska.
He got off Scott free on that count and is going to abuse again and gamble. Fills me with horrors that maybe the police will be at my door one day asking about him to show a pattern of behaviour.
I doubt any new partner would believe me anyway.
It's frightening as these abusers decompensate with age.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks V, I hope one day I can see the light. This has definitely reopened the wound. She called the girls tonight and I can t even stand to hear her voice.
Last edited by Cadet; 06/12/1801:22 PM. Reason: restored post
So I heard from the teacher I have been talking to that reached out to me on Match. She sent me a text last night and basically served it up to me on a platter for asking her out. She is 47, no kids, never been married, blonde, and teaches the 2nd-4th grade talented kids (my girls will be in 4th and 2nd). The crazy thing is that my EW is a blond, teacher as well....however only 44 but still it is crazy. Just a strange coinsidence I guess.
Needless to say I have mixed emotions this morning, similiar to what I felt when I decided to create an on-line profile and looking to date again. Sadness because I know what this means in regards to my family and moving on but excitement as well because it means that I am moving forward.
I am pretty stable guy, and rarely fluctuate to far in either direction but man this is testing my core. It's hard because on one hand I feel like I am bailing on my girls but on the other hand I know this is the hand I have been dealt and what I have to do.
It is just a tough spot and I need to get this reconciled so I can give 100% and just relax, have fun, and enjoy some interaction just for myself.
I guess it is just part of the process but I get very emotional when I think of my girls.
It's hard because on one hand I feel like I am bailing on my girls but on the other hand I know this is the hand I have been dealt and what I have to do.
Can you expand on what you mean bailing on your girls?
Can you expand on what you mean bailing on your girls?
I was the one standing for them and the MR as the EW was not. I was the only hope they had of putting their family back together again (I know it takes to but I was the one that was standing) so by me moving on and taking steps forward there is no one fighting for them any more and for me, as a parent that hurts.
I get that dude. But the most important thing for your girls is for the two of you to be in happy healthy relationships which they will emulate in the future.
Most people on this board suffer because they idealize their M for what they fantasize about what they think it should be.
Happy marriages do not end in divorce my friend.
In poker when you are dealt a bad hand you still have to play the cards and often times it then becomes a winning hand.
Ask her out. You need to take care of yourself. This is a step. It doesnt mean you are going to marry her, or even have a second date. Dont be afraid to take the step.
Your Ds will be much happier if they have a fulfilled and happy father raising them.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Thanks L, I appreciate that, what you said makes sense, and it is good to hear.
I find myself starting to make the mental shift of being a good co-parent and trying to make the best of the situation. It does sting but obviously I will be moving on as well so I know my feelings will gradually diminish.
I still don't have any desire to meet the guy ahead of time. I don't know what I would say and I think it would just be kind of awkward. When he comes to one of our kids first events maybe we meet in the parking lot ahead of time or something...IDK. At the end of the day I just have to trust my EW that she is making the right choices. What are your thoughts on the subject?
