She got a job, and is currently getting family to help take S6 to school and babysit some. I feel so bad for kids. They are at a different house everyday. It can't be good for them. It makes me angry to think that a mother could put herself in front of her 2 young kids. I beleive if I was unhappy I would have stuck it out until I was stable in my life. Not going from nothing sitting at home everyday to looking for house, job, car etc. Everything. I don't see her ever coming back, it's real hopeless. She is to happy having her own money, and freedom to go and do whatever, whenever she wants. She loves the single life. I miss her so much, bad to communicate today for kids. So I did my distancing while I was at it. I told her that it was time to put my truck in my name and her take over her phone bill, and car insurance. She says that's fine. Not a bother in the world. These waws are so cold and manipulative in their game. It's scary. I never seen this side of her. She can make me think whatever she wants by such a simple action. I overthink everything she knows it, she knows how much I want her to come home. She's using that too. She knows I'm in a lot of pain. Shes so cold. Devil woman Thanks everyone for the comments and support!!!!
Hey there Chris. You need to stay strong. I know it's hard, but have hope. There is always hope. You will be Ok whether she comes back or not.
I went through everything you are describing. My wife is the same, even worse. She doesn't even care to see her own kids anymore. I went through the same cycles you're going through. It takes time, but you will get out stronger. Sometimes, you need to go through the pain to learn.
We are trying to help you understand that common sense and logic won't help you. I still can't explain how someone can change so drastically. Some sites call it the Monster. The spouse in MLC (or the WAS) becomes a monster. You can read about it on the Hearts Blessing site, but you will spend hours and days reading, and then you'll find yourself in the same place still asking more questions.
You need to take care of yourself and your kids. Try to be the best father that you can. Don't be afraid to set boundaries to protect yourself and your kids. I wouldn't necessarily do drastic moves right away, especially if you're doing them to get back at her because it won't make your situation any better. When you set boundaries, it's to protect yourself and the kids and not to gain anything from her. It's for you.
And don't be afraid to lose her because as Hearts Blessing says "you can't lose what you have already lost". Basically, when she dropped the bomb, your marriage as you know it was ended, at least if you are facing a situation of a WW, MLC or WAS.
With time, you will learn that you can be OK without her. Do what you can for the kids, but understand that you can't make her come back if she doesn't want to. So make it as good as you can for the kids. Life is not always ideal. They will be OK in the long run. Don't beat yourself up. Just do the best you can.
I wish you the best of luck. It sure ain't easy.
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
I want to be clear about something I've read a lot about. Everyone says that you need to let go, detach and move forward. And Hearts Blessing says that your marriage ended the day of the BD.
But, from what I read, this doesn't mean your wife is not going to come back and reconcile the marriage. First of all, there is no guarantee. Everyone is different. Some come back and some don't. It will be her decision. What you do could affect her decision either positively or negatively, but she still decides.
But what you need to do now, according to everyone here, is to give her time and space. And at the same time work on yourself to make it appealing for her to want to come back when she is ready. But this could take a long time. You can't rush these things. If you try to rush it or if you put pressure, you are actually make the process longer.
Because it can take a long time, so you need to focus on something else or you will be miserable for a long time with an unknown outcome. This is why you need to let go and get a life (GAL). What will happen during that time is that you will find out if you really want to continue waiting for her and if you want to end the marriage and move on without her. When you will come down, you will be able to think better. Right now, you are too obsessed with her like we all were the first few months.
I used to read these posts and not believe them, but this is exactly where I am now.
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
When I read your posts, what strikes me is the anger and the blaming everything on your wife. I encourage you to stop focusing on what she did wrong and instead focus on what you did wrong.
There are several reasons for that.
Focusing on her faults and actions places you in the victim role, which isn't good for your mental health (and is also unattractive).
You can't control her, you can only control you, so it makes sense to focus your energy on the things you can control.
If you don't focus on you, you can't learn to be a better partner for your future relationships.
On another note--
How much time are you spending with your kids? Do you have a regular schedule for when they are with you?
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
I know it sounds like I put it all on my Ew. I don't, I do not like her present actions, partying, ditching kids, using people for baby sitter. Read first post, I put most blame on myself.
I been focusing on myself. I got Dr 7 steps book a few weeks ago. Been reading over and over. I got dB in mail today. Started it. I'm feeling better about moving on. I'm feeling better about myself. Got kids today so I'm focused on them.
Got off early last night 2 am. Came home, had a couple cold ones. For some reason I was in kids bedroom. It is a mess now, has mostly her stuff I am collecting for her to pick up. Something made me go in closet. I been in the house 10 years, I bet I have not been in that closet 10 times. What I found was kids clothes pilled up, I bet they are at least a 100 set of clothes in there. Ranging from all ages up to prolly 7 that people have gave my EW. I thought danm this is the sh*T that got on my last nerver here. The non organization is bothersome to me. Having clothes is awesome, having a pile of clothes is a mess. I crawled over them to look at a few things in the back of the closet. Found a milk crate with books and things in it. Found my 1999 freshman yr book, cool. The thing I did find was an old coarse paper drawing pad. I happened to look at it. It was hers. The first couple of pages were EW name Loves Chris. etc. Then I found a page that was us. We were watching a movie or something, (11 yrs ago) where I said no talking for 15 min. We still had conversation but we were writing it on this pad. She even wrote "4 more min till 15". I lost it. Tears rolled down my face. I flipped threw the rest of it and found another page with potential baby names on it. Guess what. coincidentally our 2nd son has that name. I couldn't help it and sent here pictures of both pages. smh
Fast forward to today. I woke up, showered, made sure I was presentable. Went and got the kids to enjoy on my one day off.
Yesterday ex and I txt msg and I told her I was going to have to bring them back today cause I have a dentist appt. @730 am and I can't do it with 2 kids under5. she said it was ok. Her uncle would be home if she wasn't.
Played with kids until about 2pm got a txt from x. "are you keeping kids tonight?". if she scrolled up 2 msgs she would see that I have a dentist appt. am. followed by 4 more txt about kids only.
Now I am outside cutting grass and come check on kids and notice that I have a missed call from X. I didn't call her back. Checked again in little while had another missed call from X. She txt do I have kids. I said yes. She knew I had kids, all she had to do was txt or call her aunt.
In last txt I said I would bring kids back at 7pm. She immediately called. Saying why don't you keep them and bring them in the morning. I was stern and said because I have to be there no later than 7.
She took this as I have plans and need a night for myself.
We played, I cut my grass, and my neighbors (works out of town) back yard. with a 2 yr old on my knee. 30 deg hill.
We played another hour before I worked out, showered, got us ready and headed to take em home.
I was on cloud 9 after she called me and txt so much. Seemed like she was thinking I was going out tonight and was curious and maybe jealous about it. This is more contact from her than I have seen in many weeks. I just knew it was.
I had high expectations taking the kids home. I was spiffed up good, shaved, all of it. To look like I was going out. I really didn't know if she would be home from work, actually figured she wouldn't be. I was almost there and my phone rang. It was her. 702 . Where you at? about to pull in the driveway! ok see you in a min bye.
I got there and she wouldn't even make eye contact. stayed more distant that ever since she left. I didn't understand it. I had figured she would have been curious as to what my plans were. What the hell I was doing but nope. She even was dolled up, and was loudly talking to my son, "come on we got to go get some stuff and some BITE BITEs". for me to hear.
On the way home I was super depressed. That did not go the way I thought it would. I was suppose to be the one who had the upper hand. She is way to good at this.
She knows my every thought. She could probably move the coffee pot 14" and knows that I would ask her why she moved it and when I would ask. I know I have to quit overthinking but it is super hard thing for me to do.
Hi Chris. This is literally my first post, and your story is almost exactly like mine. Right down to the date W walked out. Left S home with me to "not disrupt" his life. Says she's taken a studio apt. starting next month, been couch hopping ever since. Sadly in my case there is OM involved. Whole other story there as well. I pray that isn't the case for you, but thankfully I got my health in immediate order. I understand now why that is so paramount. Working on posting my own story soon, but I got you in my thoughts.
Well I just found out she's seeing someone. He's 26, has a daughter. She says she hasn't had sex with hi but may be moving in with him. Lol, that's the dumbest [censored] I have ever heard. He's a good man she says. People amaze me daily, even the ones you thought you knew so well.
