And as for texts - I've just kept up a fairly normal (for us) amount of texts because as an avoidant, his underlying fear is actually abandonment. So it's a fine line. Really, only 2-3 texts in a week. Nothing personal. More like "Here's what Avenatti said today" or "Did I ever tell you about this novel my acquaintance wrote? It's about time traveling back to classic concerts, you might like it." See, last time we dated, he did the same thing at almost exactly the same point and I just went off and started dating someone else. Trying something different this time as he has let me know he felt the loss last time.
Ugh - sitting in the courthouse trying to get a restraining order on crazy ex boyfriend who's on another manic tear. I've been storing some of his things for him at my house while he's been in and out of psych hospitals and rehabs but it's time to get it all out of there because it's becoming his focus whenever he's manic. No good deed goes unpunished.
Should have listened to my friend who told me to do this a year ago.
Also learned yesterday that although he was never violent with me, apparently he WAS violent with the OW that he had during our relationship, AND once tried to strangle her teenage son because he didn't save a piece of cake! That's super scary and I want nothing more to do with him. His bipolar mania isn't being controlled on meds and I want no part of anyone who can be violent.
At my middle son's graduation. My mom and I arrived early (concerned about LA traffic) and found a Starbucks on campus to sit and have a coffee. It's s very large campus - but who shows up but my ex and his child bride! Honestly, I could barely look at him. I'm so disgusted with him since he refused to help pay for youngest son's health insurance. I just don't have it in me to smile and play nice.
My son and I had already decided that mom and I would claim we had to get home afterwards so he wouldn't have to sit at dinner with both me and his dad. I would have done it but son was right - now that I've seen ex again for the first time in a year I'm just so very angry at the way he's treated our kids. It's for the best. We will have dinner with him later this week - without the tension.
Honestly, I don't feel the least bit of nostalgia for my marriage or pain over it's demise anymore - just disgust at the way he's treated our kids since.
I so resonate with this kml.. A month ago my ex invited me and my family to "her" graduation gathering for my son, although I had no desire to attend, I considered it for my sons sake. Twice since I've tried to get specifics to no avail, and last night she text to say she wasn't doing anything and I was free to make plans if I wished.
I don't miss her, don't have any good memories of our marriage, good snapshots of moments (all including my son) sure, but it's just sad that I have no real positive memories of 10 yrs of my life. I'm working on planning something for my son (I only have a week and a half) that he can invite friends to and am struggling on deciding if I should invite her. It is tough, not just for you.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
It [censored] that I have to look at my ex and his wife and play friendly.
Her dance recital is coming up, and it's when me, my dad, my stepmom, him and the wifey have to sit together and play nice. I worry about my dad and the way he still, after 10 years, simmers with anger, and it is just uncomfortable. I sit in the middle of them.
My ex has her after the recital this year. All of us cannot do something together afterwards.
I really don't have any positive memories either. Maybe one or two. I was in denial our whole R and m about how he really was, and I finally allowed myself to become honest about it when you couldn't ignore his true colors.
I have kept things completely separate fron ex since he left 3 years ago. When he first left, i remember he wanted him and his mom to be included in sons family birthday party. It would have been too akward for my family and me as well. So ever since then, we do not do things together. I told my son daddy and mommy dont do things together anymore and he has accepted it since he was 4. I have a hard time with pretensions. And i think it would be worse for son to see me seething and trying to hide anger. Especially with ex acting nice, humble, and charming...yet me knowing what he was capable of. Not good for someone that was gaslighted to have to relive.
I know your kids are older kml and have been personally offended by your ex. So even more of a reason to avoid phony get togethers. Life is too short to voluntarily spend time with people that treated you like sh!t.
Its not like any of our divorces were friendly and mutual and done with respect.
Best quote from a nerdy guy's online dating profile today:
"For people whose opinion I do care about the things I'd like for them to think about me are; he's smart, he's sexy, and he's kind. In reality I'll settle for them not thinking; he's strange and he doesn't use semicolons correctly."
