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Re: Open the Floodgates [Re: dusty70] #2792148
05/25/18 07:11 AM
05/25/18 07:11 AM
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 1,509
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Coconut Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: dusty70
I did meet a woman, went on a few dates and had a real good time. I then realized as much as I wanted to continue I wasn't ready to invest the time needed to get to know her better. Once I let her know my feelings she understood but now I find myself feeling down not talking to her anymore. Like you said, need to spend some me time and re-center.

Dusty, don't feel like you need to rush, your BD is still pretty new and physical separation just 6 months. I know they say everyone moves on at different speeds, but I didn't even think about dating for about 15 months after physical separation.. You'll get there, and you met someone you liked right off the bat, so I'm sure that gives you a positive outlook for what's to come when you are ready.


As for me, I guess I didn't just focus on me for a week. Initially when GG told me she didn't have romantic feelings for me she said that she would like to still hang out, that I was a lot of fun and she enjoyed spending time with me; I immediately said we will still see each other around (hang out in two of the same groups) but that I didn't want to continue hanging out with just the two of us. Well after thinking about it, hanging out with someone that I am attracted to might be what I need, I enjoy talking and laughing with her and spending time with her does fill an emotional void.

Last week I signed up for a meditation class that was taking place last night, so yesterday afternoon I asked if she would join me; I picked her up and we went to the class (her car is still broken), enjoyed the meditation class then I stopped on the way back to her house to pick up some Cuban food for dinner and I bought her a Cuban sandwich and croquettes to try since she never had Cuban food before. I dropped her off at home with her food and went on my way.

In a way spending time with her makes me feel like I have someone in my life who knows and loves me... I know she doesn't love me, but she gets me, she cares about me and we get along great, it just fulfills that desire to be around someone who cares. I think it will also help when I meet someone else that I care about, help me keep the pressure off the new person and just enjoy that R for what it is without feeling like I need to feel loved. I'm really not sure if this is making sense, but it's how I feel.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
Re: Open the Floodgates [Re: Coconut] #2792215
05/25/18 01:22 PM
05/25/18 01:22 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,295
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Ginger1 Online
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There is nothing wrong having a female friend you enjoying doing stuff with. But promise yourself that when it doesn't feel good anymore because you find yourself wanting more from her but she can't give it. That will be the right time to cut it off.

I had that kind of R. except it was sexual. We enjoyed eachother's company, were very attracted to eachother, but there was something "missing" for him. I had hoped he would come around, but he never did. And it began to hurt more than it felt good, and that's when I finally had to end it. he is in a happy long term R now..... sometimes it still stings that I wasn't good enough.... I vowed not to put myself in that position again. It really sukked. Shot the self esteem.

There was one other guy in my life who claimed to love me aside from my exH. I do believe he did on some level. But I wasn't convienient and he dropped me when he had the next one waiting in the wings..... he's been with her ever since, and he's put a deposit on " shut her up" ring......

Just remember to keep your value and self-respect, because that's all we really have at the end of the day.

Re: Open the Floodgates [Re: Ginger1] #2794280
06/06/18 12:51 AM
06/06/18 12:51 AM
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Posts: 1,509
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Coconut Offline OP
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haven't updated in a bit, gonna try and keep this short.

After telling me 2 months ago that me and my family were welcome to come to the graduation celebration my ex was going to have for my son, she told me a week before I went down that she wasn't going to do anything that weekend so I could plan something with him. With only a weeks notice, decided just to do dinner with family and any friends he wanted to invite, so I set something up for graduation night. Then he asked me a couple of days later if we could do it the next night instead, I was fine with whatever worked best for him so I adjusted the plans. Then my family started getting invites from my ex to some sort of event going on the night after graduation, I never got one so I'm not sure what it was and I didn't ask.

On the flight down to FL I sat next to a very attractive lady, we talked the entire flight. She lives about an hour from me, but she's moving to VA in a few weeks to complete her last fellowship for medical school, and was going to FL to have a bachelorette party for her older sister. She kept asking what I was doing Saturday night and I think she was trying to get me to meet up, but I had a lot of plans with friends and family so I didn't pursue that as an option. She was intelligent, hot, very friendly, but probably only around 28, and an hour and a half from me. sigh, if only 10 years older and I would of been in heaven.

Son graduated with 4.6gpa, he lettered in wrestling all 4 years, was athlete of the year in 11th and 12th grade, and is going on to a university. Very proud dad.

Weekend was fun, I felt like a tourist and spent a lot of time around the ocean, breakfast on Ft. Lauderdale beach, Lunch on a pier in Dania, and surrounded by friends and family the whole weekend. Makes coming back home to an empty house and no family for many hundreds of miles feel kinda lonely. But I love it here and won't give up what I love, just gotta build my life back up here.

been spending a little time with GG, don't have the attraction to her that I used to, but I do still enjoy talking with her, I think she will likely turn into the best friend I have in the area. I haven't tried to meet anyone new yet, just been doing my thing and I'm good with that for now. more later, need to get to a morning meeting.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
Re: Open the Floodgates [Re: Coconut] #2794293
06/06/18 02:08 AM
06/06/18 02:08 AM
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JRuss Offline
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How old are you? 1/2 your age, plus 7 years is the rule of thumb, so if you're 42 or younger, game on.


Me: 46
W: 44
Married: 17
Together 21
D13; S10
BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you)
Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage
Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
Re: Open the Floodgates [Re: JRuss] #2794298
06/06/18 02:18 AM
06/06/18 02:18 AM
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Maika Offline
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Haha! where did you come up with that equation JRuss?


No one is coming to save you!

Re: Open the Floodgates [Re: JRuss] #2794341
06/06/18 04:25 AM
06/06/18 04:25 AM
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Originally Posted By: JRuss
How old are you? 1/2 your age, plus 7 years is the rule of thumb, so if you're 42 or younger, game on.


I think that goes right along with "it's not cheating if you're at least 150 miles away from home." Or is that 50 miles, I can't remember.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Open the Floodgates [Re: DonH] #2794355
06/06/18 05:46 AM
06/06/18 05:46 AM
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LH19 Offline
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It is a known fact that that equation is socially acceptable.

Don, you are way too up tight my friend.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Open the Floodgates [Re: LH19] #2794401
06/06/18 08:27 AM
06/06/18 08:27 AM
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Posts: 1,509
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Coconut Offline OP
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I'm 45, so using that equation, my youngest age to date would be 29... Look, don't get me wrong, I would jump on the chance to date a 29yo, but the fact is that I am a young 45 and I seriously doubt there is any 29 year old woman at the same place in life as I am. I mean, I'm in low double digits left until I can retire with full pension, she is basically still in school and has been for her whole life. I don't want kids, most 29yo are probably saying some day to that question..

so long and short, sure I would date a 29yo, that's a very sexy age group, but would I expect to have any long term connection, do I think I could keep up with a 29yo for the next 10-15 yrs, seriously doubt it..


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
Re: Open the Floodgates [Re: DonH] #2794409
06/06/18 08:40 AM
06/06/18 08:40 AM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
CA- now East coast
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25yearsmlc Offline
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Originally Posted By: DonH
Originally Posted By: JRuss
How old are you? 1/2 your age, plus 7 years is the rule of thumb, so if you're 42 or younger, game on.


I think that goes right along with "it's not cheating if you're at least 150 miles away from home." Or is that 50 miles, I can't remember.


interesting, previously unheard "rule". cool

As a woman who dated a significantly younger man - it actually embarrassed me at times. He was witty and smart and attractive, but...

I Felt like it looked too insecure on my end, like I could not handle a real man or a mature r, so I had to rob the cradle and prove something. Also, I hate looking like a cliche.

There is an odd power dynamic to dating much younger people, too. I guess I did not feel as if I was ALL IN.

Just thinking out loud.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Re: Open the Floodgates [Re: 25yearsmlc] #2794414
06/06/18 08:51 AM
06/06/18 08:51 AM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
CA- now East coast
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25yearsmlc Offline
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Oh hey, so that equation applies to both sexes, right?

OR is this one of those "how attractive men HOPE others see themselves as"...??? wink

The downside of me dating much older is that there are fewer men in their late 60's who can travel and hike and be as active as I am.

There are some, but the pickings are slimmer. Assuming they are healthy, I prefer an older man in some ways.

And As Coconut points out however, the childbearing issue for either sex is a factor.

A 39 y/o I dated was not sure if he wanted kids, but very much wanted to keep dating me. I explained more than I should have needed to, that it was not an option for me.

WTF? I don't want denying him fatherhood on my conscience, and I don't want to invest much time in someone who will need to leave the R to become a father, eventually.

Another turn off for ME was that he was a guy who had still not decided this at his age.

A 50 y/o guy listed in his profile that he was not sure either, and he called me. But I told him that there was not a reason to date if that was on the table for him. He said he never married b/c he did not think the women he dated would have been good moms...

What??

So he could not marry any of the women he dated - due to HIS opinion of them as potential moms, (never mind HIS parenting talents,)

BUT he still does not know IF he wants kids...Um -wow, to me that is a man who is permanently confused at some level.

No thanks.

But, I digress.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Page 7 of 11 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

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